Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My
by NykGrimm
Summary: Hichigo Shirosaki was looking to escape his old highschool when he enrolled in Karakura University . He didn't expect his stalker to follow him. Or the insane classmates. Or Ichigo Kurosaki, who is too damn intriguing for his own good...
1. Chapter 1

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

College was supposed to be about new beginnings right? So then why did it feel like everywhere I went some vile thing from my past was following close behind? Ok, it probably has something to do with the fact that the object of my contempt is walking three feet behind me, but you get my point.

All I wanted was to graduate high school and get away from that psychopath. Obviously that was just too much to ask. I mean seriously, it's really creepy to have a girl follow you for three years trying to convince you that you like her when you know you're gay. I have explained this to her many times in many different ways, but she never really seems to get it.

I don't love her. I don't find her boobs attractive, nor her butt, nor anything else that she insists on shoving in very small amounts of fabric and into my face. She, however, doesn't seem to grasp this concept, instead sticking onto me like one of those little mice caught in a glue trap. Trying desperately to accomplish a goal (in the mouse's case escape) but really just causing lots of pain. But on the bright side...it was mostly her own.

Sure there were a few incidents where she'd fucked up my relationships, but after I usually came to realize that it was either (a) a bad relationship or (b) was someone that was way more fucked up than I had originally thought. So really she's been helping me the entire time, so I guess for that I should be grateful.

But as I near the entrance of the school, all I can do is hope and pray that she doesn't pull another stunt like she did Junior year with the megaphone and the broccoli...that's something I'm pretty sure I will never live down.

"Shiro!" I can hear her yell as she hurriedly closes the three foot distance between us. "How have you been? I missed you all summer! Did you miss me? I bet you did. I bet you sat up in your room the entire time wondering if you should call me, and the only reason you didn't is because you'd rather talk to me in person," she rambled. Cirruci does that a lot. It's not a particularly likeable trait about her, but I'm sure some poor sap out there would be up to the challenge of making his ears bleed. That sap just doesn't happen to be me.

"Oh...well that's..." Well...frankly it was creepy as hell. And inaccurate. "That's...Edward Cullen! Over there! Quick! Glomp him!" In her moment of distraction I take off, both relieved and yet...utterly confused....as to why I'd elicited such a reaction. But it doesn't matter anymore because I have successfully managed to escape from her evil clutches.

Ignore that last comment. That just made the whole thing sound like a really bad action movie. And more importantly I have absolutely no idea where I'm going, so it's probably a good idea to start looking at the nearest map and figure it out. Which wouldn't be so bad if the campus didn't have six buildings with five stories and eighty million rooms each.

I do eventually figure it out and head in the general direction of what is supposed to be my first hour class. Fortunately my sense of direction isn't completely shot and I might actually make it on time.

As I walk through the center of the campus, I can spot all the new kids like myself, staring blankly at the maps, trying to figure out just what the artist was on when they drew it. At an early age I discovered that I had a knack for deciphering such things, so it hasn't ever really been a problem for me.

Mostly I had trouble with making friends and staying out of trouble. And it was all because of the way I look. I personally have no problem with it, but other people seem to think that being albino with black irises is something to be angry about or fear. Which really wasn't my problem until people decided to act on those emotions, that's when things got ugly. It's also when I learned to defend myself. Damn, I really need to stop thanking my enemies...I highly doubt it's healthy.

About halfway across the campus, I'm suddenly run over by a small crowd of people all yelling at each other. I'm not exactly clear what the argument is, but I did manage to make out a few sentences like, "They are not cute, they're the creepiest pet ever made," and "They're adorable!"

As soon as my ass hits the ground I can hear someone gasp and others laugh. I'm used to it so I just pick myself up and am about to head on my merry way when someone stops me. He has bright orange hair and...looks almost exactly like me. It's like me in Technicolor!

He seems just as surprised as I do by this fact, but it doesn't stop him from what he was going to say. "Sorry about that. They tend to get a little overexcited when things like this come up."

"I noticed the over-excitement, I'm just not sure what it's about."

"And I'm not sure you really want to," he says, chuckling.

"Trust me, I don't think it could be that bad."

"Clearly you've never met my group."

"Clearly you've never met my stalker," and just as the words leave my mouth, guess who comes bounding around the corner? "Aw, son of a bitch."

He looks at me curiously and before I can say anything Cirruci damn near tackles me to the ground laughing and giggling about some subject I'm completely unaware of. "I found you!" she says, gripping me with all her strength. Believe it or not, the girl actually has some muscle, so the hug really does hurt. "And you thought you'd gotten away. I'll have you know that I don't like Edward Cullen, I like Carlisle."

"You do realize that just made the whole thing, ten times creepier," I say, trying (in vain) to tear her off of me. "God damn, woman, let me go. You're going to snap my spine."

"I would never!" she says, giving me what was supposed to be a shocked look.

"Broccoli incident," I remind her.

"That was an accident!" she pouts. It makes her look like she's constipated and I would tell her if I knew for a fact that I would survive.

It was only then that she takes notice of my new companion (I've completely forgotten to ask his name). She looks him up and down and I know she's debating whether or not he could be a threat to her plan. Not that there ever really was a plan, she usually just puts whatever comes to mind into action.

I sometimes imagine little tiny Cirruci's gathering around a meeting table in order to accomplish something. Sometimes they argue, which isn't so bad until they break out the katana and laser guns. And I kind of figure that's how her brain got fried and never questioned it, I fear that if I do it'll become something much worse.

"Hi, I'm Cirruci," she says, extending her hand to him. She's acting rather friendly towards him, so I can only assume that she doesn't deem him a threat. "Sanderwicci Cirruci. I see you've already met my boyfriend."

"Whoa, wait, boyfriend?! When the hell was this decided?! And how many times do I have to tell you that I'm gay?! And don't you dare go off on that whole 'You know you love me' spiel." I am not worried about who knows I'm gay, because I don't really care about their opinion, so I've always been very open about it. And this doesn't seem to bother him either.

"So I take it this is your stalker?" he interjects.

"What gave you that idea?"

"I am not a stalker!"

"Then why the hell have you been following me around for the last three years?!"

"Because it's love! Love I say!"

"Because that's not stalkerish at all..."

Behind me I can hear someone call "Hey, Strawberry! You coming or not?!"

"Give me a minute!" he yells back. Turning to look at him, I raise an eyebrow in question. Strawberry? I know that can't be his real name, but it's still odd to have someone call you that, isn't it? I dunno, maybe it's just me.

"Long story, don't ask," I shrug. "Kurosaki Ichigo, by the way," he sticks his hand out.

With one hand still trying to pry Cirruci off, I shake his hand with the other. "Shirosaki Hichigo." Suddenly the grip on my waist grows tighter. "Fuck! What are you trying to do, kill me?!"

"No, I just don't want you ignoring me."

"That's a little hard to do considering you're trying to break me in half." I can hear Ichigo chuckle. "It's not funny, this fucking hurts."

"I'm sure it does."

"You can't come to class with me," I tell her. She doesn't seem deterred.

"Sure I can."

"You're taking an advanced art class?" her brow furrows and I know it's because she's torn. On one hand she doesn't want to let me out of her sight, but on the other she absolutely loathes art. I have no idea why, it was something I found out the first time she followed me around to my classrooms. She saw the art room and just sped off in the other direction. She never cared to explain and I never cared to ask.

Ichigo on the other hand, seemed to have a different reaction. "You're taking art too? What hour do you have it?"

"First."

"So do I. I guess I'll see you there," he says, walking back to his group of friends.

I used to have a really good friend. He and I used to talk about everything together. And as strange as he was, in some weird way we understood each other. I think we made that connection the first time we met, and it just kind of carried on from there. No I don't mean we had relationship going. It was more like we were brothers. And it was all well and good until his parents suddenly decided they wanted to move elsewhere.

I didn't take it well and my guardian was worried that it was affecting my health. Which I guess it was, in a way. I got depressed, lost my appetite, locked myself up in my room. You know, the usual.

But as I watch them all interact with each other, I realize that it's not something I've ever really had with someone other than Zan. Because like I said, making friends has always been an issue for me. Ichigo may have just changed that.

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the first bell and I try once again to pull Cirruci off, but to no avail. And walking with someone attached to your waist is not an easy task, especially when they weigh as much as she does.

Fortunately enough for me, the classroom wasn't as far away as I thought it was and managed to make it to class on time. Cirruci finally relinquished her hold on me when I made it to the right floor, which made it so much easier to walk.

Upon entering the room, I was told to pick a table and have a seat. The instructor wasn't very loud and looked rather sickly. Written up on the board was the name Jūshirō Ukitake, and from what I'd heard about him, he was rather lenient with a lot of things. I just hope that this all doesn't get too out of hand.

Glancing around the room I notice that the only empty seats left are in the back of the room. There was one table with absolutely no seats taken and I think it'll be a great place to hide out and doodle.

While some claim that my art is "absolutely amazing", I look at it and I'm not quite sure what they're seeing that makes them say this. Most of them involve death or violence of some manner, and as far as I know, I've never drawn a happy picture. Yet people insist that it's truly amazing and I was even forced to enter a competition one year.

At first I couldn't figure out how my drawing had ended up in the listing in the first place, but later found out that the art instructor had gone through some of my artwork while I was gone and picked out the one she liked best. Stupid bitch. Should have slapped her with a cactus. Oh well, too late now.

I have to say, what surprised me the most was the drawing that she chose. It was one I had done a few years back and I thought was a piece of crap. It was an image of two men facing each other, clearly an intimate relationship between the two, every emotion clearly written across their faces. They blew each others brains out and the spray had created what looked like a butterfly (loveless much?).

Much to my surprise it had been the winning piece. Again I'm not quite sure why people find my work so fascinating, most of the time I don't even think about what I'm doing and end up throwing it away.

Which I think I'll do now that I've set my things down and I have time. Today is the day that all the instructors introduce the class and what we'll be doing. Exciting I know, try to bear with me. I figure I already know what's going to happen in the class, so I have time to doodle and maybe read a book.

Dragging out my sketchbook, I decide that drawing is something that might hold my attention longer than a book would at the moment. I have no idea what I'm going to put on the paper, nor do I have time to think about it because suddenly a group of three somewhat loud students come walking through the door. Among them is Kurosaki Ichigo. Following him is a strawberry-blonde with rather large boobs and next to her is a very short kid with white hair. He looks kind of pissed off and I almost want to ask if all the dwarfs have fled Middle-earth and left him behind, but I don't really want to find out exactly how much damage he can cause.

And of course, being the only empty table in the room, there's only one place for them to sit. Now, because of the kind of interactions I've had with people, I've never attempted to start conversation with any of them. I figure observing from the sidelines is more the way I want to go, and I've stuck with it. But from what I can tell from looking at Boobzilla, she wants to make friends with _everybody. _As much as I would like to avoid her, I know it's not something that's going to happen.

She comes bounding over with Ichigo and the kid following at a more normal pace. I try to involve myself with my pencil and paper, and it almost works, until she interrupts and starts talking to her neighbor. Some other strawberry-blonde with huge boobs. Lovely, we're being taken over by giant tits, that's exactly how I wanted to go out.

Boobzilla reminds me a lot of Cirruci in the way that she talks incessantly and is kind of ditzy. It must be some kind of disease that infects girls in high school, because before that, most of them were normal. Then puberty hit and suddenly it's cool to be retarded. I mean no offense to people with mental retardations, I'm simply stating that their stupidity rises to an alarming height.

"And I told him Furbies are _totally _adorable, but he kept insisting that they were creepy."

"That's because they are creepy," the kid cuts in as they reach the table. By this point I'm pretty sure I've made myself invisible, and I almost feel a sense of pride for being able to do so. Not sure why, really, but I do.

"They are not!" she insisted.

"That's because you have a strange idea of 'cute'."

"But Shiro-chan," she whined at him. At first I thought she was talking about me, but then I realize that we've never actually met, so there was no way she would know my name.

"He's right, Matsumoto," Ichigo cuts in. "Your idea of cute is really fucked up. So is your taste in food. You and Orihime both come up with the weirdest concoctions, and most of the time I wonder how you manage to both find it edible and survive afterward."

"Because it is edible," she says.

The other girl with huge tits suddenly decides to join in the conversation. "Oh! I have jam, chocolate, bread, and bananas! You can come over and help me bake today!"

I almost question what exactly they're going to make, and then decide I don't want to know. If other people are questioning its edibility then the last thing I want to do is ask. I'm afraid that if I do I'll be forced to either help them make it or taste it. And I would rather make it through the rest of the week if you don't mind.

Boobzilla, on the other hand, is rather excited about the idea. I know Ichigo has already named her, but I've already forgotten and Boobzilla seems to work just fine for me. So she is now, and forever will be Boobzilla.

"Hey, Shiro," I hear Ichigo say. At first I thought he was talking to the hobbit, so I ignore him and try to focus on the paper in front of me again. Apparently I'm that's not permitted because I'm once again interrupted. "Shirosaki," he says, waving his hand in front of my face.

Do you know how weird it is to have someone do that? Not only are they invading your personal space, they're also jerking their hands around in different directions while doing so. It's rather odd if you ask me. I know it's meant to get your attention, but find some other, not creepy way to do it.

"What?" I ask, looking up.

"We meet again."

"And?"

"And....well....we've met again. It seems pretty self explanatory..."

I raise an eyebrow at his explanation. Clearly we've met again but I don't know what he expects from it.

"You know him?" Boobzilla asks excitedly.

"Yes."

"Aw, Ichi made a new friend!" she gushed, hugging him. It didn't look much like a hug though. It seemed more like she was trying to crush him between her giant tits. And it might have been funny except for the fact that it looked like he was actually suffocating. Somebody should probably help him with that.

When she did finally let him go, she asked, "So are you going to introduce us?"

"As soon as I can breathe."

"Fine, I'll do it myself. I'm Rangiku Matsumoto," Boobzilla. "And that over there is Hitsugaya Toshiro." The hobbit. "I take it you already know Ichigo, but this girl here is Inoue Orihime." I actually don't have a name for her. She has huge boobs and is apparently kind of ditzy. I dunno. I'll come up with something eventually.

See, the way I figure it, unless they're someone I'm going to be seeing around a lot, I don't really need to know their names. Plus it's kind of fun to come up with nicknames. It's kind of like a game, though some names should never be repeated. They either get you in trouble, get the shit beat out of you, or they laugh. But the whole laughing thing is rare so I hardly ever tell people about them.

"You are..." the hobbit asks.

"Shirosaki Hichigo."

He nods his head and I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but I don't really care either, because I've just been dragged into the middle of a conversation I don't want anything to do with. As creepy as some people are, Boobzilla and her companion are the _last _people I would want to be stuck in a room with. I would rather have my head beaten in. Hopefully they never meet Cirruci.

This is where I discover that inattention is a bad thing, because before I know what's happening there are suddenly two overly large breasts being pressed against the side of my head. It turns out that Boobzilla is rather violent in her affections. It feels like my skull is being crushed and I can vaguely hear her say, "You're so cute!!!"

And I can't help but think, I won't be quite so cute if I'm dead.

"Isn't he cute?!" she asks Ichigo and the hobbit. Ichigo laughs and the hobbit just turns to take his seat across from me. I hope Boobzilla does the same soon, because I really would like my head back. I need it. I think with it.

Fortunately the instructor comes (unknowingly) to my rescue and gets everyone to sit down and shut up. And Boobzilla sits on the opposite corner of our table so I think I'm safe for now. And if I'm not, well I guess I'll be dead sooner than I'd hoped.

Mentally crossing my fingers, I once again turn to the page in front of me. I'm vaguely aware of the conversation taking place across the table, but I can already see the lines forming on the page. Keep in mind that when I draw, there is never any particular image in mind. I just let my hands go where they may and see what comes out. Which is probably why I think most of my drawings are crap, but I'm not about to stop using that method now. I wouldn't know how to think about drawing if instructions were implanted in my brain.

Ok, that was a rather disturbing image.

Everything around me has already quieted down to a low buzz in the back of my head. As time passes the lines make themselves more distinct on the page. Some thin some thick, some colorful some not.

I have no idea how much time has passed, but suddenly there is a finger jabbing into my side and it's rather uncomfortable.

"What?" I hiss, though there is no real venom in my tone. I'm just speaking quietly and in low tones under my breath as so not to be heard by the teacher while he's well, teaching. Hissing is just the result. Either way, he didn't seem to take it personally, instead just answering, "Does this look like an armadillo?"

I could imagine the look on my face as the confusion set in. "What? What the hell are you drawing that would look anything like an armadillo?" I looked over at his paper. Nope. No armadillos. There was, however, a strawberry with a slightly odd shape that he was giving a very distressed look. That was probably it. If I squint and turn my head to the side, I can kind of see it, in a fucked up hey-this-is-a-strawberry-not-an-animal-get-a-life- kind of way.

"It doesn't look like an armadillo to me. Were you _trying _to draw an armadillo?"

"No. Matsumoto just said it looked like an armadillo and I wasn't quire sure why."

"It does only if you look really hard and turn your head to the side."

As he does this, his eyebrows knit together and I realize that it actually looks kind of cute on him. Not that I'd ever tell him that, it was just something that crossed my mind as I watched him. But not in a creepy stalker way, in an I'm-looking-for-a-reaction kind of way. Ok, that made no sense and I'm rambling. Someone please shut me up.

"So Shiro," Boobzilla says. Again I think she's talking to the hobbit so I don't look up. "Shiiiro-chaaaaan."

"Hm?" I ask, realizing that she really is talking to me.

"What are _you _working on?"

"I have no idea."

"Hm..." She frowned a little, her brows knitting in concentration similar to Ichigo's previous expression as she looked at my paper, tilting her head. I couldn't help noticing that once your eyes managed to scale the mountains that were her breasts, that (should you survive, and not be forced to eat each other to survive. Seriously. They're that huge) her face really was quite nice. She had orange hair and big eyes and her expression was cute. Maybe not as cute as Ichigo's, but-

My own train of thought was derailed for me at her sudden exclamation. "It looks like an okapi!" Her finger poked accusingly at my paper. Suddenly I didn't care if she was kind of cute, bitch better not have left a smudge!

...And what the fuck was an okapi?

Ichigo snatched up the paper next and can only give her some undecipherable look. It's almost a what the fuck look mixed with laughter, but there's something else I can't quite make out. If I had my picture I might be able to tell you, (I have yet to actually look at it) but since I don't it's somewhat more difficult.

"What?" I ask, almost defensively, though I'm not sure why.

"How the hell did you get an okapi out of this?!"

"Because that's what it looks like."

Ichigo turns the paper around to show the hobbit (I think I'll start calling him Frodo. I'm not sure why I haven't come up with a name for Ichigo, or even why I can remember it) and I can see a smile almost make its way to his face.

Taking my paper back, I look at it for the first time. It's a man standing in the rain, face toward the sky with his eyes closed and his hands out, palms up. He's soaked and he doesn't care. He's waiting for someone...

As I think about it, I still don't know what an okapi is, but it sounds like some kind of animal and I can't see how she got an animal out of this. It's just him and the rain. What the hell is wrong with her? Now I pray harder than ever that she never meets Cirruci.

I must have been making a face (as I usually do when analyzing my work) because suddenly I hear, "Are you ok?"

Looking up, I can see Ichigo staring at me. Why do people insist on staring? Provided that I do it too, it does make people uncomfortable. I know it's them looking and waiting for a response, but sometimes it gets really creepy.

"I'm fine, why?"

"You had this weird look on your face."

"I usually do."

His face changed just a little, though I couldn't pinpoint exactly how. Something with his eyes, or the corners of his mouth. It was brief, but it looked like he wanted to say something. As if he wanted to deny my statement, or maybe agree. I'm not sure. But it made me even less comfortable. Shifting I said, "Is there something wrong with my face?"

"No. You just shouldn't frown that way."

"Well it's kind of a habit so it's not going away anytime soon."

"You're like Shiro-chan!"

"...How is he like Toshiro? Toshiro has one facial expression."

"Yes. Annoyed. And it looks exactly like his face does now," Boobzilla pointed a finger towards me as an example.

"I'm not annoyed," I tell her.

"Then what was with the look?"

"I always make a face when I look at my work," I said, frowning.

"Well, you shouldn't. It's weird."

"So I've been told."

Before any of them has the chance to respond, the bell rings and we're all out the door and headed to our second hour classes. Again I'm able to find my classroom before the tardy bell rings and this time I'm greeted with a rather lazy looking instructor. He has long brown hair and it's tied back rather sloppily, but more importantly, I actually think he's asleep in his chair...

There's a woman sitting next to him, her hair also pulled back. She has glasses and a clipboard and an expression that says she's a real tight-ass. I figure she's either not getting laid or any guy that goes after her is fucked.

She points to some seat in the back and I head in that direction to take it. As I watch people file in through the doors, I realize that I don't know _anyone _here. None of them were from my high school. That is, until Cirruci comes bounding through the door. Lovely.

"Shirooo!" she yells as she runs toward me. "Did you miss me?!"

"No."

I can feel half the class staring at me as this encounter takes place. Cirruci is very loud and doesn't care who knows about what (or who) she's talking about. It can be rather annoying at times, and useful at others. Though the useful part is rare. And I swear some of the guys hate me for turning her down, but I don't care because they don't know the horror of Cirruci. Hopefully they'll never have to.

"That's mean," she pouted.

"So?"

"Apologize."

"No."

"Why not? You're my boyfriend, you're supposed to be nice to me."

I swear I can feel a vein pop in my forehead. "How many more times to I have to explain this to you? One, I am not your boyfriend. Never have been, never will be because two, I'm gay. Now leave me alone."

"Cirruci?" someone asks.

As she turns around, there's a very tall, very creepy looking guy standing behind her. He has long black hair and a mouth that just about literally splits his face in half. I'm not sure whether to be relieved or frightened that he's here. I'm frightened because he's...well...creepy. But I'm relieved because he's managed to distract Cirruci from me. Thank god.

"Nnoitra!" she cries happily, hugging him. Apparently she knows him. Maybe he can deal with her for a while, I'm tired of it. "Oh, it's been such a long time!"

He laughs and I realize it is not something he should ever do again. It makes him 100 times creepier. "It really has."

"Nnoitra," she says, letting him go and gesturing to me.

"Don't you dare," I cut her off. She's really starting to piss me off with this whole 'boyfriend' shit.

Just as she's about to say something, Boobzilla comes wandering into the classroom. I guess it was too much to ask that the two of them never meet.

As soon as she sees me, she feels the need to suffocate/crush me again. "Shiro-chan!"

I try to shove her off and it proves to be all in vain. Damn that woman is strong.

"I didn't know you had Kyôraku-sensei's class too!"

When I attempt to say something back, it's cut off by her giant boobs and she reluctantly lets me go so I can repeat it. "Neither did I." Pointing to Cirruci I say, "Meet my stalker of three years, Cirruci. Maybe you two will hit it off and leave me the hell alone."

"You have a stalker? That's so cute!" she says, strangling me again. I can't tell if this is a habit of hers, but it's something she should probably learn to control. She might actually kill someone some day. I don't want to be that person, nor do I want to be around when it happens.

"What the hell are you doing to my boyfriend?" I hear Cirruci ask.

Boobzilla still doesn't let go. "You're boyfriend? I thought you were his stalker."

"Hell no, we've been going out for three years."

When I manage to push Boobzilla off of me, I say, "No, you've been stalking me for three years. I've also been telling you I'm gay the entire time. What part of that has yet to get through that thick skull of yours? Wait, never mind. There's nothing in there to get _to_."

"Hey! That's mean!"

"This is really bad," Boobzilla cuts in.

"What is?" Cirruci asks.

"I can't believe he's taken! Aw, I hope that doesn't make 'em cry..."

"What the hell are you talking about, bitch?"

"Oh, I don't think I have the heart to tell them."

"Tell who?"

"None of your bees wax, biatch."

"Fine, be that way."

Once again I have found myself in the middle of a fight I didn't want anything to do with. Why do I always get stuck with shit like this? Did I fuck up in a past life? Kill a kitten? Commit suicide? Seriously!

Cirruci storms of with a very confused clown following behind her. I know she's pissed because she thinks Boobzilla is going to whisk me away or something, but I'd rather have my balls cut off than go out with any woman like that.

"Aw...and I was so hoping I'd get to play matchmaker this year," she says pouting.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"As if you don't know."

I give her this confused look and she just smiles at me. Not a reassuring smile or a friendly smile, an I'm-up-to-something-you-may-or-may-not-like kind of smile. I don't think anything would ever make that comforting.

"I don't think I _want _to know."

"But you're really taken?" she says somewhat sadly.

"No. I told you she's my stalker. I'm gay. Why is it so hard to get through to people? Anyways, are you ok?"

Shaking her head she says, "I'm fine. So how's the okapi going?"

"I still don't know how you managed to get an animal out of that."

"Very carefully of course."

"...right."

As I try to pay attention to what the tight-ass is saying (because apparently she's been ignoring us and talking for a while now), I can sense that Cirruci keeps looking over at me and glaring. She can glare all she wants, but it's not going to change anything. I still think she's creepy and I still want her to go away. Boobzilla has helped a little, so I'll give her some credit.

Normally I don't like women, they're all pms-y and bitchy when they don't get what they want. They cling to their boyfriends and can't do anything by themselves. They even talk in text, which I have yet to understand. Both in the sense of 'why' and 'wtf are you saying'. Speak like a normal person! It's not that difficult.

Plus they're all anorexic or bulimic. Women, stuff your faces until you are full and learn to keep it down. No one likes the idea of having to go out with a stick. If you're fat, be fucking proud that you're fat! Seriously, have you noticed that we don't stay with sticks any longer than to have sex with them? There's a reason for that. Get over society's idea of beauty and stuff your fucking face! Damn.

And yes, I have noticed in the hour plus that more than half the girls here qualify to be in those categories. Boobzilla and the ditz are the only ones I've found so far that don't have scary issues. Other than the fact that they act like fourth graders.

Speaking of, I think it was around that time that I figured out I was gay...in fact, I'm pretty sure it was, because that was the same year I had that freaky ass teacher Yoruichi Shihōin. She scared the shit out of half the kids there and was very...athletic. By the time the first week of school had ended it was a miracle any of us were even alive. She didn't care about in class studies as long as you got the homework in. But as soon as you got her out on the field, she turned into a beast. I still wonder how any of us graduated that year...

I don't remember how I figured out I was gay, but I do remember that the first boy I ever kissed was Shiba Kaien. Now that I think about it, we looked a lot alike too...does this make me a narcissist?

Probably...Damn...

* * *

As lunch starts, I realize yet again how much I hate the first day of school. You get to sit in six different classrooms listening to the teachers rant on about the same things over and over again. The only thing that made _any _of it worthwhile was that I had Boobzilla and Ichigo in one class or another.

Unfortunately as I make it up to the roof, guess who finds me? My favorite stalker.

"Shiro!" she calls, nearly snapping my spine again. "I missed you!"

Before I manage to say anything, I can hear from behind me, "Hey Cirruci, there's a guy that looks like Carlisle coming to this school."

"Really?! Who?! Where?!" she asks excitedly, letting me go.

"Hm...he should be in the cafeteria right now...maybe. His name's Shinji." Cirruci runs off in a hurry, as if the world will end if she doesn't meet him.

"Shinji?" Hirako Shinji? I'm pretty sure he's in one of my classes. I vaguely recognize the name. And when his face comes to mind I realize, "They look nothing alike."

Ichigo shrugs. "They're both blonde."

As I sit down, I find that Boobzilla, Frodo, and the ditz have also made it up to the roof. There are a couple of others I didn't see before either. One looks like a zebra with a pineapple on it's head, and the other looks like he's from Mexico and should be making tacos, so he shall be dubbed Taco Man. There's another girl that's kind of short and looks like a gnome.

Ichigo starts introducing them. "You already know Matsumoto, Toshiro, and Orihime. The redhead," he points to the pineapple zebra, "Is Abarai Renji. The big guy there," he motions to Taco Man, "Is Chad. And the girl next to him," he motions to the gnome, "Is Kuchiki Rukia. The rest of our group is probably down in the cafeteria, so you might not meet them until later."

"So this is..." the Zebra asks.

"Shirosaki Hichigo," somehow the way my name rolls off his tongue makes me shiver. The part that scares me is I don't know why. Maybe I'm just having an off day, being in a new place.

"Nice to meet you, man," the Zebra says, patting me on the shoulder and sitting down next to me. Everyone else follows suit and forms a small circle.

Suddenly a blonde that I vaguely recognize as Shinji comes storming through the door to the roof. He looks pissed about something and I'm pretty sure I know what it's about. Behind him I can see another short girl with pigtails and freckles dragging Cirruci behind her. "What the hell was that?!" he yells, pointing at the unconscious stalker.

Ichigo bursts out laughing and I have to fight the smile working its way across my face.

"This chick comes out of nowhere and damn near kills me, claiming I'm someone named Carlisle! I was lucky enough that Hiyori was able to knock her out before she actually killed me. So who the hell told her I looked like this guy Carlisle?!"

Ichigo is still laughing and Boobzilla has already joined in. It kind of looks like Frodo is fighting off a laugh too, but I could be wrong. I could swear I had a smile on my face right now, but this is just too funny. Finally, there is someone that can manage to keep Cirruci in line.

"That's Shirosaki's stalker," he manages to get out through his laughter.

"Who?"

Still laughing he points at me. "She's your stalker?"

"For three years."

"Damn. Talk about devotion."

"You have no idea."

Suddenly there's a groan from behind the Crab Ass (dunno where that came from) and we all notice that Cirruci is waking up. Damn. I'm fucked. And not in the good way.

"Wha-?" she says, propping herself up on her elbows. I'm the first thing in her line of sight and I know it because she suddenly lights up and comes bounding after me. "Shiro!! I found Carlisle!"

"That's nice, leave me the hell alone!"

"No! I can't leave my boyfriend!"

"Son of a-I'm not your freaking boyfriend! How many fucking times do I have to tell you?! Damn it! Get off me!"

Before I realize what had happened, Cirruci was knocked out again, and Crab Ass was standing over her with her sandal in hand. I'm really beginning to like these people.

* * *

Credit goes to RedFaerie as always for her help. Especially with Taco Man


	2. Chapter 2

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

Well now that the school day is finally over I can go home. It may not be much, but it's better than living with my dad and his new girlfriend. The fourth one in two months. Course, I guess him having a girlfriend is better than him bringing hookers over all the time...

Yes. Those were dark dark days indeed. Especially when he made me do their laundry. Have you ever washed a ho's laundry? It's rather disgusting. That and there are way too many stains in there clothes. You'd think with all that money they make they'd at least _try _to buy something new every now and then.

But more importantly I need to get food and soon, otherwise my stomach will eat itself. And while that brings about some very interesting mental images, it's not really something I would like to have happen.

I can't cook for shit, so pretty much all that's lying around my house is instant crap. And I know it's probably not all that great for me to be eating it all the time, but I'd rather not kill myself in an attempt to make something edible. So instant crap it is.

Unfortunately, before I can make my food (oh wonderful food how I miss you), I find that my misery has followed me home. Stupid bitch. And from the sound of it, she wasn't alone. Oh, goodie.

"Shiro! Shiro~!" she calls, banging on the door.

"Shut up, Cirruci! Go away!"

"But Shiro! Your friends are here!"

"What the-Why the hell are you bringing people here?!"

"Because they want to see you!"

Great. Just what I need. Everybody knowing where I live. The one thing I have yet to figure out is how Cirruci managed to find me. I would hope that she hadn't followed me home except for the fact that, well, she's my stalker. That's kinda what she does.

"Open the door, Shiro," she whined.

"Hell no!"

"But Shiro," Boobzilla cut in. Dear god, now _she _knew where I lived. Fuck, could this day get any worse?

"No!"

It was silent for a moment before I hear someone messing with the door. What the hell? Were they trying to pick the lock? Damn it! Rushing to the door, I manage to push my weight against it before they can get the lock undone.

"Stay the hell out!"

I could hear murmuring on the other side of the door, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Suddenly there was a huge shove against the door and they damn near got it open. This was not fair. There were who knew how many of them and one of me. Someone up there must really hate me.

Another shove forced me back and they managed to get the door open wide enough to create a crack to slip through. Damn. Cirruci was strong for a girl. She managed to force the door open wider while people slipped in. Just how many had she brought?!

So far there was Boobzilla, Frodo, the ditz, Taco Man (not sure how he managed to get in through that crack...), Crab ass, the clown, the pineapple zebra, the gnome, the bald guy I have fondly dubbed the lightbulb, and some guy that has a weird feather coming off his eye. I call him birdman.

By this point I'd given up on trying to keep them out and had decided on trying to focus on a place to hide. Too bad this was such an open space. The last person to walk in surprised me though. It was Ichigo. While his company wasn't entirely unwelcome, it was still weird to have him show up. Cirruci closed the door behind him and decided that she should act as the host.

"So who wants drinks?"

More than half the people in the room raised their hands like five year olds. All I could think was that if they were hungry, they were shit outta luck, because I highly doubt any of them want any of my instant crap.

It was really weird having all this noise in the house. Ok, it wasn't really a house, it was a flat, but whatever. Either way it was much louder than usual. Someone had flipped on the TV and everyone else was trying to talk over it. Maybe this was why I never made many friends, the noise level was almost unbearable.

I noticed a couple of them wandering into the kitchen (good luck finding anything), and another one heads down the hallway and to the bathroom. Looking around I notice that a certain head of bright orange hair is missing. And I don't like not knowing where people are.

Peeking down the hall, I could see that the light was on in the spare room. When look inside, I find Ichigo standing in front of the bookshelf. Now, I have a lot of spare time on my hands, most of it is filled with drawing and reading, so I buy a lot of books. I actually find it a miracle you can even walk into the room. There are books double stacked on the bookshelf and many more lying in piles on the floor. And this was only a small amount of the collection I owned.

Now, I wouldn't have a problem with him looking through them, except for the fact that I read everything I can get my hands on. Fantasy, science fiction, action, adventure, gay, lesbian, straight, romance. Notice anything strange in that list? They're mostly the reason I read alone at home, because being gay is one thing. You start reading that kind of romance out in public and people think you've got some kind of mental disease. Course, I guess it doesn't really matter considering the fact that people already think I have issues.

I see him pick up an anthology that I had gotten a few months back. While there were some good stories in it like The Rubens Gamble, it was mostly gay erotica. Like I said. I read anything I can get my hands on.

He stared at the cover for a minute before flipping it over and reading the back, not that it told you anything that the cover hasn't already. After a minute he seems to figure this out and flips it open. I know he doesn't know I'm here so I decide to cut in and see what he does.

"The Rubens Gamble is one of the better stories," he jumps a little and turns around. I can see him blush and it's rather cute.

"Sorry, I didn't mean-"

Shaking my head I tell him, "Don't worry about it. That's what they're there for."

"There's so many of them," he says, looking around the room.

"This is only a small portion of them. The rest of them are either in my room or packed in boxes and stored away in the closet. And I don't really tend to read books twice, so feel free to take some of them."

He stared at me for a moment. "You really have that many?"

"Yes. You can check if you like."

"And you've read them all?"

"Yes."

"Wow," he whispered, looking around again. "Are you sure I can take them?"

"I will probably never touch them again."

"Thanks."

"Sure," I said, and I walked out.

Apparently leaving the living room had been a bad idea. They'd found the game systems (hey, I get bored and feel the need to kill things too) and were now having a Tekken 6 tournament. Cirruci had taken it upon herself to make popcorn which, by the way, I didn't even know I had. There was much yelling and people were making weird hand motions at the screen.

There were empty cans all over the place already and I started to gather them up along with any empty bowls. One of the great things about living alone, is that there are so few dishes, and I was really starting to appreciate that at the moment.

Boobzilla tried to get me to join in at one point, but I'd really rather not be stuck in the middle of a screaming mob. And when I had most of the cans picked up and it seemed somewhat safe to leave them, I snuck back into the spare room to see what Ichigo had picked out.

I actually hadn't seen him at first, because he was sitting on the floor, which was littered with book piles higher than my waist. When I did manage to find him, he was sitting in a corner with a small pile of books next to him. I assumed those were the ones he would be taking with him. He had one already open and was reading it. Glancing at the cover I see Drama Queers! And I vaguely remember it being about a guy who liked drama (the class) with a closeted gay, band friend and he ended up getting with a younger guy he hated in the beginning. It was strange...

Sitting down on the floor in front of him, I pick up the pile of books and read through them. If Angels Burn, Dancer From The Dance, A Secret Edge, Men of Mystery (that anthology he picked up earlier), and When You Don't See Me. I think I'm seeing a trend here...

For those of you that don't know, every book on that list including Drama Queers! (excluding If Angels Burn) is a gay novel. What I'm trying to figure out is if there's something he's not telling me.

He suddenly looks up at me and says, "I hope you don't mind."

"Nope. Just seeing what you picked."

"Do you remember any of them?"

"Yes."

"Which ones?"

"All of them."

"Really?" He sounds surprised. Is it unusual for me to remember them all?

"Yeah."

"Which ones are better?"

"A Secret Edge and When You Don't See Me."

He stares at them for a moment before looking back at me. "Ok. Care to join me?"

"That would require finding my book."

He rolls his eyes at me. "You keep this place spotless. How hard could it be?"

I shrug.

"Go find it."

The book wasn't the real problem. In fact, I knew exactly where it was. It was sitting on my nightstand. I just didn't want to have to put on my glasses to read it. They're these weird squarish glasses, kinda like C.T. Smith's. They make me hate not being able to see words more than I already do.

When he sees that I've made no move to get up, he half kicks me in the shin.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?"

"Go find your book," he kicks me again.

"Fine, just stop kicking me."

At the end of the hall is my bedroom and I'm quite happy to say that no one has invaded it yet. It looks kind of like the spare room, only darker and with fewer books piled on the floor. Picking up my book I stare at my offending glasses before sighing, picking them up and taking them with me.

I check in on the group in my living room before heading back in, just to make sure nothing's been completely destroyed yet. Fortunately, it seems like the game has enough of their attention to keep them from tearing everything apart.

Walking back into the spare room, I see Ichigo with his elbows propped up on the bed, looking at me. It makes me feel kind of uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just making sure you came back with your book."

I hold it up for him to see.

"Night Embrace?"

Shrugging I make my way over to his little corner and take up my seat again. He sits back down and picks up his book. Putting my glasses on (damned glasses), I can see him stare at me. Again, this is uncomfortable and really wish he would stop doing it.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just didn't know you wore glasses."

"Only for reading," I say, opening up my book.

"_Hey, Sunshine, your friend's awake. What's his name?"_

"_I don't know, Starla. I didn't ask."_

_**Oh, but this is getting stranger and stranger.**_

_Unperturbed by his presence, the woman walked into the room to the side of the bed where the nightstand stood. "You look like a Steve," she said as she bent down, lifted up the pink scarves, and started digging through a stack of magazines that was hidden beneath it. "Are you hungry, Steve?"_

_Before he could answer, she raised her voice. "It's not here."_

"_It's under the copies of _Art Papers_."_

"_It's not here."_

_Sunshine entered the room. Walking with the grace of a fairy princess, she wore a long-sleeved purple dress so bright, he had to squint from the hue. As she crossed in front of the window, he realized the material was rather sheer, gifting him with a pleasant view of her lush, ample curves and the fact that she wore nothing beneath that dress. _

_Nothing except her tanned skin. _

_His throat went dry. _

_She was wiping the paint from her hands with a towel as she moved to the nightstand without even glancing his way. _

"_It's right here," she said, pulling out a magazine and handing it to the older woman. _

_Finally, Sunshine looked to the bed and met his gaze. "Are you hungry?"_

"_Where are my clothes?"_

_She cast a sheepish look at Starla. "Did you ask his name?"_

"_It's Steve."_

"_It's not Steve."_

Suddenly Cirruci burst into the room, nearly causing me to drop the book. I quickly took my glasses off (that was not something I wanted her seeing. Actually, I hadn't wanted Ichigo seeing it either, but we all know how that turned out) and noticed that Ichigo seemed quite horrified. "What?"

"Shiro! Matsumoto's being mean to me!"

"...Who?"

"The strawberry blonde with huge boobs!"

I had no idea which one she was talking about, but I didn't really care either. If someone was making her life miserable, I wasn't about to stop them. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"You're my boyfriend! You're supposed to stand up for me!" she whined.

"Go get that clown to do it! He likes you more than I do anyways!"

"But I don't want Nnoitra to do it!"

"I don't care!"

Boobzilla then came bursting in, pushing Cirruci aside. "Hey Ichigo! Holy shit, where did all these books come from? Never mind. Ichigo! Come play with us! We need one more person because Yumichika and Cirruci won't play!"

"Back off bitch," Cirruci says, sitting on the bed. Boobzilla leaned over the side so she could actually see us.

"Aw, man," she says when she sees Ichigo with the book open. "Now we'll never get him to play. Hey Shiro, why don't you come play!"

"That depends on what it is."

"Cranium!" she said, throwing her hands up in the air. Damn, I didn't even know I had that game.

Before I can answer, the doorbell rings and Boobzilla immediately shoots up and runs for the door. Who the hell was it now? I don't really want any more people here, but it doesn't seem like I have much of a choice either.

Standing up I follow after her, Cirruci now clinging to my arm. She's hugging it so tight I'm pretty sure it's cutting off the blood circulation to my fingers. And I really would like to keep those, if at all possible.

When the door opens, there's a very loud scream of "Shinji!" so I guess it's safe to assume Carlisle is here. My stalker immediately takes off to latch onto him. Thankfully Crab Ass gets to her first, because while I don't want her clinging to me, it's not a punishment I would wish upon anyone else. But we've all been done a favor and it looks like she'll be out for a while.

Boobzilla seems excited that he's here, so I guess that means they won't be needing me. Thank god.

The ditz suddenly calls over everyone, "Shirosaki-kun! Someone on the phone wants to talk to you!"

"Why the hell are you answering my phone?!" I ask, rushing for the second line in the kitchen. "Hello?" I can hear her hang up the other phone.

"So you finally found yourself a girl, huh?" my father asks. I tense. One of the big reasons I'm living on my own is because he can't get over the fact that I like guys. I guess he didn't want to risk damaging what little reputation he has left. I walk outside, I don't want anyone listening in.

"No, I didn't."

"So then who was the girl that answered the phone?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I miss you."

I scoff. "I'm sure."

"I mean it."

I sigh, "Look, I'm not going back and I have no money to give you."

"That's not why I called."

"Then what do you want?" I don't really want to talk to him any longer than I have to. Besides, I'm sure he's got some hooker waiting for him to hang up.

"Your grandparents want to see us and-"

"No."

"Why the hell not? They're your grandparents." He's angry now, but so am I.

"That may be so, but you're the one who turned me away because I can't get it up for a girl. I will not pretend that we're happily living under one roof when you can't even stand to look at me. The minute I stepped out that door, we no longer had anything to do with each other. Don't call here again," I hang up.

Sighing, I slump into the nearest chair and set the phone on the ground. I can't believe that asshole would think that after kicking me out and ignoring me for three years, he could just call up and ask me something like that. Scratch that, I _can _believe he'd do it. He just did. Stupid son of a bitch. I hope his dick rots off.

I can hear the back door open beside me, but I can't bring myself to care at the moment. Whoever it is will either have to wait or do without whatever it is. Now that the depression has set in I feel like I should be banging my head against the wall and chanting "angst, angst, angst, angst". Maybe I should. Maybe it'll kill so many brain cells that I'll stop caring and get on with my life.

Ok, I know it won't actually happen, but I can hope right?

Someone taps me on the shoulder and it scares the shit out of me. I guess all that time living alone has really had its effect. That and the fact that people think I'm a freak and tend to avoid me. It really is weird having people around...

Turning around I see Boobzilla standing behind me.

"Are you ok?" she asks, genuine concern wrinkling the features of her face.

"I'm fine."

She's either really stupid and believes me, or she's much smarter than I thought and decides to just let it be. I opt for the latter.

"Well, Hiyori and Shinji have tied Cirruci to a chair and shut her up with duct tape, Chad, Toshiro, Yumichika and Ikkaku have left, and Renji found the alcohol."

I sigh. I guess this means I have to get out all the blankets and pillows stashed in the closet somewhere. The only reason I have alcohol is because when I moved in my next door neighbor decided it was a good gift to give to a college student. Oh, the things that could go wrong.

"I'll be there in a minute."

She nods and leaves. I've decided that I like Boobzilla. Maybe someday I'll take the time to actually learn her name.

Staring out at what little backyard I have, I find a white butterfly sitting on a flower. It makes my hands itch to have a pencil and some paper in front of me, but I can't quite bring myself to get up and get them. So I guess that's just a lost idea now.

I'm not sure how long I sit there, but I hear the phone go off several times while I do. Each time I refuse to answer, knowing he's on the other end. He can tell my grandparents whatever the hell he wants, but I don't want to go anywhere near him. Who knows how many diseases he's attracted over the last three years.

Plus I figure if they wanted to see me that bad they'd call and at least find out what's going on. If not, well then I guess there's really not much to say to them is there?

By this point it's getting cool and I pick up the phone and head back inside. In the living room, Boobzilla, the pineapple zebra, the clown, and Carlisle are all passed out. Lovely, second day of school and they'll already have hangovers. Well, it's not my problem. As long as I can get them out in the morning we're ok. Cirruci on the other hand, is still tied to the chair. I debate on whether or not to leave her like that. Particularly when that chair's in my house. It's just a tad bit counterproductive and I decide that even though I don't like her, leaving her strapped to a chair all night is a bit much.

I somehow manage to get her to go home and get the ditz to help me with the blankets and pillows. Once everyone's been covered up, I give both her and Crab Ass their own pillows and blankets and tell them they can sleep on the couches. It's probably more comfortable than the floor.

I feel like I'm forgetting something, and as I head down the hall and see the spare room light on, I remember that Ichigo is here as well. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I see that I must have been out there much longer than I thought, because it's already seven. Damn.

Ichigo is still in the corner, nose stuck in his book.

"You're welcome to stay the night," I tell him. "Seems like most of the others are anyway."

He looks up at me and says, "That's ok, I don't want to impose."

"I guess you weren't paying attention. Half of your little group is already passed out in my living room. Imposing is not the issue."

He chuckles. It's rather cute. I wonder what he'd look like-

No. Let's stop that train of thought right there. If I let it go any farther I'll end up with a boner and that is not really something I want to deal with at the moment.

"Shower's at the end of the hall along with the towels and anything you can find in the kitchen you can eat. You can sleep in here or out in the living room with everyone else, it makes no difference to me."

He smiles and nods his head. I leave. I'm tired and...angsty...and all I want to do is sleep. I've never had people stay over before, so for the first time I close my door behind me, strip to my boxers and lay down. I probably won't actually get to sleep for a while, but it's nice to be here and doing something familiar. Today really has been a hectic day.

I remember the butterfly I had seen earlier and the itch for paper returns. Fortunately I don't have to look far for it. Turning on the lamp by the bed, I pick up the paper and pencil from the nightstand and let my hands do what they want. About halfway through making the sketch I vaguely register that the water is running in the bathroom.

I'm not sure why that matters but apparently something in my brain thinks it's important. My brain then decides that it's so important it needs to be put on paper, which, as I finish, I find that it really didn't. What started out as a suicide turned into a horny, naked teen in the shower. Yeah, just what I needed. I wish my brain didn't feel the need to do that to me...

Stuffing the supplies back in their drawer, I lay back down and stare at the ceiling. As boring as it sounds, it's really not. A lot of times my imagination takes hold and images dance across the surface, my entertainment for the night. Most of the time I end up falling asleep without realizing it at it works out quite well.

But tonight I get nothing. I'm bothered by the idea of my father suddenly wanting me to do something for him. There were times when I wish I knew something about my mother, but most of the time it doesn't matter. Mostly the people that raised me were hookers and bartenders, and that works just fine for me. I have to say that my favorite bartender was Stark. I'd say I take more after him, but he was lazy, not withdrawn.

Harribel taught me most of what I know about defending myself. She was quiet but if you pissed her off, you were lucky to make it out alive. I liked her too. Yammy was a bouncer and really stupid, so I tried to avoid him whenever possible. Nel was sweet, but couldn't cook, which is probably where I picked up my incapability of creating anything edible. But I have to say Szayel was the creepiest. He had pink hair and hit on anything that moved.

As I dozed off I was vaguely aware of someone whistling.

* * *

There's that damned alarm clock. That creepy, annoying little clock Szayel had given me. The thing was this pink...thing...some creature...A Pokemon I think. A cle-something from that hospital. He has some weird fetish with all things medical. Normally it's annoying....hell it still is. But it may for once come in handy, because this thing is going to die. It'd be nice if it could put itself back together before I get home...I do need to wake up tomorrow morning...Well, if nothing else I can just get a new alarm clock.

Reaching over to the alarm clock, I shut it off. Turning over I find that my pillow is really warm. Wait...that's not a pillow. What the-

Opening my eyes I see very bright orange hair. It's very pretty. Wait. Orange. HOLY SHIT! What the hell was Ichigo doing in my bed?! I hadn't had any alcohol last night, so what the hell was going on?!

Pulling myself away I can see him shift as he starts waking up. This is going to be awkward, but as I watch his eyes flutter open I can't help but think about how I could get used to this. No! You've known him for all of a day! Sure he's attractive, but that's no reason to go jumping into a relationship.

He seems somewhat confused about where he is, but as soon as he sees me (and probably how freaked out I am) he immediately blushes. It's really cute...

"I'm sorry," he says quickly. "I don't...I mean...I'm sorry, I-"

I hold my hand up and he shuts up. "Just tell me what the hell you're doing here."

"I don't know..." he says, avoiding my gaze. He's not telling me something, but at the moment I don't really care what it is, so I nod and start getting up. It's probably something stupid and embarrassing like he can't sleep alone, so I guess it doesn't really matter. But the fact that he's here reminds me of the fact that half his group is passed out in my living room and that they'll wake up with hangovers.

Walking into the bathroom I pull out the bottle of ibuprofen and walk into the middle of drunken retards. I stick two in each of their mouths and get them to swallow it. Hopefully it won't be so bad by the time they wake up. I don't want to walk out of the shower to a bunch of groaning.

Putting the bottle back, I close the door behind me and turn the water on. Once it's warm enough I strip completely and step in and let the water wash over me. It feels so nice to have the water beating on my back, pulling out all the knots in my muscles. I don't stay in long though, because there isn't long before I have to get ready for school. Damned learning facility.

Turning the water off, I grab the spare towel on the rack and dry myself off before wrapping it around my waist. Normally I wouldn't do that, but considering there are other people here, I figure not everyone wants me walking around the house nude.

As I open the door, I hear shifting in the living room and assume it's people waking up. Returning to my room, I find some clean clothes and throw them on, not really caring what they are. Glancing at the clock, there's about half an hour before I have to leave, so I go to start waking everybody up. I'm not comfortable with leaving them alone in my flat.

The ditz and Crab Ass are already up when I get there. I start nudging the rest awake with my foot.

Boobzilla wakes up and starts screaming. When she finally quiets down she says, "Hey, my head doesn't hurt."

"Probably because I shoved ibuprofen down your throat about fifteen minutes ago."

"Really? Thank you Shiro!" she says hugging me.

The other three are waking up carefully, so I guess they were expecting headaches as well. Boobzilla explains the situation and people start getting up and walking around. As I walk into the kitchen I find Ichigo scouring the cupboards.

"Good luck finding anything that's not instant," I tell him. He jumps.

"You really need to stop doing that," he says, turning away to try and hide the blush I've already seen.

"Doing what?"

"Sneaking up on people."

"I didn't sneak up on you," I said, reaching into a different cupboard. I grabbed a poptart and shoved it in my back pocket. I had to get everything together before I left, which meant getting my glasses, my books, and whatever else it was we were supposed to have.

"Yes you did."

"I walked into the kitchen, you just didn't happen to see me do it."

"You did the same thing yesterday while I was in the spare room."

"Then you really need to learn to start paying attention."

There was a somewhat awkward silence before he said, "Are you angry?"

"About what?"

"This morning." He's turned bright red and I can tell he's trying to hide it. I almost tell him it's not working.

"No. Should I be?"

"I...I don't know."

He seems relieved by the fact that I'm not upset, though I still don't know why I would be. Maybe I'm just weird that way. Course, I grew up with hookers and bartenders, so I've woken up in worse situations. So I guess for me, this is normal.

I can hear people walking out the door and I walk back to the spare room to pick up my glasses. My backpack is in my room along with anything else I'd need. Once I've got everything gathered I walk back out into the living room and see Ichigo waiting. He's got this scowl on his face.

"You shouldn't do that," I tell him as I put my shoes on and set my bag down.

"Do what?"

"Scowl like that. It ruins your pretty face," I tell him, smirking. It's so much fun to tease him and make him blush. Even if his scowl had deepened. "You got everything?"

He nods and I open the door and follow him out. Locking up the place, I start walking toward the school. He's not far behind, but he's so quiet it's weird. It seems like he's thinking about something, and I find myself curious as to what it might be.

About half way to the school he heads off in a separate direction. I guess he's skipping school. I almost ask him about it, but it's none of my business.

"I'll see you later," he says quietly. Shit, was my depression contagious?

I nod and continue on to the school. As usual, I'm greeted by Cirruci. Oddly enough, Ichigo's small group of friends also join us.

"Where's Ichigo?" Boobzilla asked.

They all think for a moment. The gnome replies, "What's today?"

"Tuesday," Taco Man says. Wow. It's just occurred to me that I hadn't heard him talk yesterday.

"I meant the date."

"June 17th," Carlisle replies.

Everyone quiets down in understanding. I have no clue what's going on, but again, it isn't my business so I don't ask. Boobzilla says, "So I guess we won't be seeing Ichigo today..."

Instead of hanging around and letting myself get more depressed than I already am, I head for my art class. I know it's early, but one, it'll get rid of Cirruci, and two, it'll take my mind off my own problems. At least, I hope it does.

The instructor looks at me as I walk in, obviously surprised by the fact that I'm here twenty minutes early, but he doesn't really seem to mind. I take my seat and pull out the paper and pencil. Not the sketch I had been working on the night before, god knows that thing should be burned. Instead I focus on the anger and hurt that were building up inside of me. The anguish that I had seen in Ichigo this morning.

Instantly my hands go to work and suddenly everything around me is gone. Replaced by a world of colors and sounds. There are no shapes, just emotions painted in every direction in several different ways.

Before I realize it, the first bell is ringing and I find myself starting at the image on my paper. There's a little boy about the age of eight hugging his knees in front of a grave. He has one hand reaching out as he smiles sadly at the ghost of someone lost.

"You've got that look on your face again," Frodo says, taking his seat.

Before I can say anything I hear, "Oh my god," come from behind me. Turning around I find the instructor looking over my shoulder at the drawing. Shit. This could not be good.

"Uh..."

"This is amazing," he says, picking it up. "Where did you learn to do this."

Shit, he liked it. This was going to be a long year.

"It's...just something I've picked up over the years."

"Drawing like this? You weren't taught by anyone?"

"No."

"Incredible."

"Not really."

"Would you mind if I took this?"

I almost told him yes, I did mind. I didn't want this to end up like it had back in high school where my stuff ended up in competitions, but it didn't seem like that's what he wanted to do with it. Either way, it wasn't like I was going to do anything with it. Most of the things I draw either end up sitting around my room, in the trash can, or getting burnt to a crisp, so I shake my head and let him keep it.

He smiles and takes it back to his desk.

"Did he tell you?" Frodo asks.

I give him a questioning look in return.

"Ichigo. Did he tell you?"

I assume he's talking about why he's not here today. "No, but it's none of my business, so I don't want to know."

He stares at me for a minute before returning to the instructor. He's rambling on about the simple shapes in art and how the form the most basic parts of any drawing, painting, blah blah blah. With the way he's going it doesn't seem like we'll actually be doing anything today.

"I'd like you all to take out a piece of paper," oh how wrong was I. "Once you've got it I want you to look at the person across from you. Study them. You'll be drawing them. There are no limits in what you can do with the picture. Be creative, draw them dancing, sitting, don't just draw what you see." An image of the sketch I made the previous night popped into my head.

Well isn't today my lucky day. The instructor comes up to me and tells me I can start whenever Ichigo gets back. I have no clue when that will be, but I know I can start today. Staring at my blank page I start thinking about what I should do. I let my hands start sketching.

By the end of the class I have quite a few doodles done. English is going to suck ass. I know because as soon as I walk in there's a _reading _assignment on the board. Lovely.

Boobzilla is already in her seat when I arrive and I take my place next to her. She has a rather sad look on her face and I assume it has something to do with whatever today was. But I wasn't going to ask. She gave me the courtesy of not asking, so I'm returning the favor.

Pulling out the book from under my desk, I put my glasses on and rest my forehead on my palm as I start reading. It's not so much that I'm trying to hide as it is a habit. I have no idea where or why it started, it's just something I do when I read. And as more people start piling in the classroom, the more I fell into the world of Shakespeare.

The class flew by. I could hear people chatting in the background the whole time, but I had already gone on ahead of what we were supposed to be doing because I was bored and didn't really want to be doing anything else at the moment.

Boobzilla caught me on the way out and told me she wanted to talk to me at lunch. If this had something to do with that damned berry-head, I really didn't want to know.

* * *

By the time lunch does come around, I could swear I'd fallen asleep in my history class. Watching a war movie with really bad opera music isn't exactly my idea of a good way to spend an hour. But I guess it's better than doing any actual work.

I don't really want to meet with Boobzilla at this point, so I decide to walk around the campus and see what I can find instead of going up to the roof. While the campus isn't huge, there's still a lot to look at. I managed to find four cafeterias all in a manner of fifteen minutes. They have three theaters, twenty million bathrooms, and I managed to find the dorms. I don't know why they have them since most students live off campus, but whatever.

I must be really off today because after what seemed like mere minutes, the bell for class rang. Damned bell.

* * *

By the time school ends, it's pouring outside and I want to get home as soon as possible. Cirruci's already taken off for her house, so I doubt she'll be coming by today. Wouldn't want to ruin that horrid makeup now would we?

But the biggest surprise of the day is waiting for me by my front door. Ichigo is sitting in the rain with his knees pulled to his chest. I'm not quite sure why he's here or why he's sitting in the rain, but I don't want him out here much longer. It'd be a bitch if he caught a cold. Especially considering the fact that I have no idea where he lives or what his house number is.

Once I get the door open I say, "Hey!" he looks up at me. He's been crying. "Get inside before you catch a cold."

He stares at me a minute longer before getting up and trudging inside. He stands in the doorway and I roll my eyes at him. I push him down the hall and into the bathroom. Reaching into the closet across the hall, I grab a couple towels and shove them into his hands and close the door behind me.

While he showers and hopefully warms himself up, I get dry clothes on and start some instant soup. I make an extra one and set it on the counter while I wait for him to come out. I'd left some spare clothes inside after he had gotten in. He's just a little smaller than I am so they might not fit quite right.

As he comes out I can tell they don't fit because the shirt comes down to his thighs and he's had to tie the strings to the pants really tight. He's flushed slightly and I can't tell if he's sick or not. I walk over and place my palm on his forehead, mine resting on the other side. He didn't feel warm. Maybe it was just me. When I pull away he lets his head droop.

"Why aren't you home?" I ask, handing him the soup. He takes it and sits down.

"Don't wanna be."

"Family issues?"

"Something like that."

I let the subject drop as he starts eating. We sit in silence and it's not bad. Not like had been this morning. Now he's just depressed, and because I'd never had much of an emotional connection with people, I'm not exactly sure what to do about it.

He suddenly stops eating and just stares at the table.

"You alright?"

He looks at me and all I can see is despair. Tears start spilling and he's trying to stop them. I do what I was taught and hug him close to me. It's strange, but he starts letting go and full blown cries. I don't say anything, and I don't think he expects me to. I just let him get it out. No judgment. No criticism. Just understanding. He hugs me back, crying into my shirt.

After a while he stops.

"Feel better?"

He nods.

"Good." he looks tired. "I guess you'll be staying here for tonight. Let's get you settled in."

I let go and try to get up only to have him hug me tighter. "Don't go."

I sigh. Looks like tonight might be awkward.

"Guess you're sleeping with me again then."

He gently loosens his grip and follows me down the hall into my bedroom. Walking over to the nightstand, I turn off the light and slip under the covers. I can feel him do the same and clutch at my shirt.

There was a strange silence before he whispered, "Today is the anniversary of my mother's death."

Well shit.

* * *

Ha! The plot bunnies smile upon me! Kind of...they let me update these stories but...they keep giving me new ones T~T.

Anyways:

Credit goes to Redfaerie as always. I put this in here for new readers and because people need reminding of how much she helps me out.

Ok, I think we all know Tekken 6 is a real video game.

All those books mentioned? They're real.

If Angels Burn-Lynn Viehl

Dancer From The Dance-Andrew Holleran

A Secret Edge-Robin Reardon

Men of Mystery-(editors) Sean Meriwether Greg Wharton

When You Don't See Me-Timothy James Beck

Drama Queers!-Frank Anthony Polito

Anybody that doesn't know who C.T. Smith is should be beaten. He's a character from a series called ZombiePowder which is by the same author as Bleach!

Night Embrace is the third book in the Dark-Hunter series, written by Sherrilyn Kenyon.

That whole banging his head against a wall and chanting angst is from Harry Potter Puppet Pals

When Shiro grabbed the poptart I was laughing so hard because all I could think about was Grimmjow's cat named Poptart in another fic of mine called Please Don't Beat The Hybrids. I was tired of people naming his cat Pantera or some shit like that. I wanted to be different and named it Poptart. I think it's a cute name for any animal.

Same goes with this story as with Please Don't Beat The Hybrids. It may be soon put on hold to write a (hopefully) oneshot. ShiroxIchi. I'll let you know more later.


	3. Chapter 3

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

He's been asleep for the last few hours and I haven't been able to go anywhere. Every time I try to move he clutches me tighter. After he'd told me about his mother, he'd buried his face between my shoulder and the mattress. I could think of nothing to do but hold him closer. I'm an emotional retard, so the only thing I could do to comfort him was wrap my arm around his shoulders as he wrapped his around my waist.

It's strange to knowingly have someone else sleeping in the same bed. I've had to share a bed with hookers before, but that's different because one, they're hookers, and two, I'm not exactly the straightest guy on the planet. Plus most of them were what I suppose is called a 'mother figure', so that makes the idea of sleeping with them a whole lot creepier.

But I suppose I'll have to visit Harribel and Stark here pretty soon. Once I'd moved out of my father's house, they made me promise to visit at least once a month, and that hasn't happened yet this month. And I don't need Harribel spazing out on me again. She may be a hooker, but in some weird, twisted way she's my mother.

Ichigo starts mumbling in his sleep, something about the rain. It's almost midnight and I'm pretty sure I should be getting to sleep soon, but I'm not quite sure that's going to happen. Maybe if I'm really lucky...

Closing my eyes I try to blank out my mind, which doesn't really work so well. All this inactivity is causing my mind to wander, but maybe it wasn't for the worst...

* * *

Fucking alarm clock. Damned thing needs to be burned...I keep saying I'm going to destroy it, but it's yet to happen. I can't tell whether it's because on some deep level I like it, or I'm just too lazy. I'd like to think it's because I'm lazy. Szayel creeps me out too much for me to like it.

Turning it off, I notice that Ichigo isn't laying next to me. No wonder it's so cold. Sitting up, I can hear something coming from the bathroom, though I've no idea what it is. Guess I should go find Ichigo though...

Picking up the nearest pair of pants and slipping them on, I find the bathroom light on and the door slightly ajar. Peeking in I can see Ichigo sitting on the floor. I can't see exactly what's going on, but it sounds like he's gagging.

Walking in, I find him hunched over the toilet, clutching his stomach. Lovely, he got himself sick. I grab a small towel from across the hall and grab a few things from the medicine cabinet along with a glass of water.

He's sweating and trying to push me away, but whatever he has has weakened him immensely. Pushing his arms away, I manage to clean him up and get him to swallow a few pills. I've never actually cared for someone who was sick like this. Mostly I dealt with my father's constant hangovers and the one time he had a bladder infection. Natural illnesses must have been frightened away by the smell of alcohol.

"Where do you live?"

He shakes his head and tries to push himself onto his feet. Falling back onto the floor, he gasps and tries to keep the medication down.

"Look, I don't take care of other people. I have no idea what I'm doing. You need to tell me where you live or who to call."

Again he shakes his head and I'm getting kind of annoyed. Not only is this guy sick, I can't take care of him, I have nowhere to take him, and I have to get to school soon. Damn it, Fate has it out for me, I swear. Someone needs to shoot her. Guess there's only one thing to do now.

Picking up the phone from the living room, I dial the school's number. "Karakura University, how can I help you?"

"Shirosaki Hichigo."

"Yes?"

"Do you have any idea how to take care of sick people?" Apparently this was somehow a logical thing to do, call the school office and ask the secretary if they know how to handle sick people. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea...in fact, it probably would have been better to call Harribel or something.

She's caught off guard by the question. "Uh...lots of liquids and rest is what I was taught."

"Thanks," and I hang up. Well, at least he won't be hurling again for a while.

Setting the phone on the counter, I clean him up and carry him back to the bedroom. He's a lot lighter than I thought he'd be, but it could be the fact that he's been hurling for the last who knows how long. I know the woman said lots of liquids, which means soup, and I'm pretty sure all the instant shit I have won't do him any good. But I don't want to kill him with my cooking so I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do.

He's shivering like crazy and it doesn't look like the blankets I have on the bed are going to do him much good so I pull out some of the larger comforters from my closet. I have no clue if this is helping, but he looks a little more comfortable than before. I know he's got a fever, I just don't know how high it is. Now that I think about it...I don't think I have a thermometer...I should probably get one...

This is such a pain in the ass.

Pulling on some shoes, I head out the store and down the street to the convenience store. There's nobody here because it's too damn early. I don't know why they're even open at this hour.

The cashier gives me a funny look (no surprise there) and I ignore it, trying to find where the hell they kept the thermometers. It was a small store so it shouldn't have been that difficult, but the damn bastards were small and crammed behind a bunch of other medical shit. This is exactly why I hate stores, finding anything is impossible and looking for it makes you look stupid.

Paying for the thermometer (that I'm sure I will never use again), I head back to find Ichigo still shivering under the covers. This is what he gets for sitting out in the rain. This is what I get for...damn, what the hell _did _I do to deserve this...sure I don't like people, but that's not really a reason to punish me is it? I dunno. Maybe they've finally made thinking illegal.

The only good thing about this situation is that I've had so many of these things shoved into my mouth that I know how they work...that sounds awkward...you know what I mean. But it was much more difficult to pry his mouth open to get the damned thing in than it should have been...that didn't help...

Once the thing beeped (because apparently people can't tell time anymore) and I manage to get it back, I find that it reads about 102. Great. Just fucking great. I'm no expert, but that is beyond bad. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

I don't have time to think about it because suddenly Soulja Boy starts playing...and it's coming from my bathroom...why the hell is Soulja Boy in my bathroom?

Turns out it's Ichigo's phone and suddenly I don't want to know, but the screen reads 'home'.

"Hello?" Maybe now I can find out where he lives.

"Ichi-nii?" whoa...sister...wasn't expecting that...

"Uh...not exactly..."

"Then who is this?" she sounds worried. In the background I can hear a guy say something to her. "I don't know who it is, but he has Ichi-nii's phone."

The phone exchanges hands. "Who the hell is this?!" he sound's like he's trying to be pissed off, and it's not working.

"You're son is passed out in my room and I have no idea what I'm doing."

"And why should I believe you?"

"Actually, you probably shouldn't, but seeing as I have no idea where you live, it's not like there's a lot of choice is there? That and he's got a hundred and two fever, so I don't think he'll be going anywhere."

"Fine," he says after a moment's hesitation. "But on one condition."

"What?"

"What's your name?"

Great, I have to give my name to a complete stranger who could follow me home and...wait...that's already happened. Oh well, I guess there's no harm in it now. "Shirosaki Hichigo."

"Alright," he hangs up.

That went rather well.

But it doesn't last long because Ichigo starts groaning again. When I walk back into the bedroom I find him curled up on his side, almost completely covered up by the blankets. Sitting down on the edge, I do what Nel always did for me, rubbed his back. I don't know if it's helping, but he seems to calm down a little. She used to sing for me too, but I'd rather not subject him to that...

And as for liquids...I think I might have some orange juice in the fridge...eh, fuck it. I'll figure something out later. Even if it means going back to that convenience store...this is going to be a long day.

Without much else to do, I pick up my book and start reading. I manage to get about half way through it before Ichigo starts tossing and turning. He's sweating like crazy and he can't seem to get comfortable. He's still clutching his stomach and groaning and I still don't know what the fuck is going on. Maybe I'll try and find Boobzilla later...she might know. Though from what I've heard about her cooking, I'd rather not have her in my kitchen.

Again, Soulja Boy starts playing, but it's not coming from my bathroom this time, it's coming from the nightstand. I brought his phone with me. Who the hell thought that made a good ringtone? Because it doesn't. Seriously. Was someone just sitting around thinking, "Wow, if only this phone would yell 'Superman that ho' whenever my mother called"...

Glancing at the screen, it says Rangiku. I have no idea who that is, but maybe they know something about sick people.

Picking it up I hear, "Ichigo?!" screamed over the phone. Thank god I didn't have it up to my ear. At least now I know it's Boobzilla. "Ichigo? Are you ok? Were you abducted by aliens?"

"Not Ichigo."

Moment of silence. "Shiro?"

"Yeah."

"Where's Ichigo?"

"Sleeping."

"Is he ok?"

"I doubt it."

"Oh my god, what happened?! Was he shot?! Stabbed?!"

"Uh...no...he's sick."

"Oh. Ok. Well, he's in good hands."

"No. He's not. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I don't take care of sick people, I take care of drunk people. There's a difference."

"How? They're both flushed and puking. The occasional groan. What's the difference?"

"There's a big difference. Drunk people need sleep and ibuprofen. Sick people actually need to be taken care of. They need medicine, fluids, sleep. I don't have food for sick people in my house. I don't have meds either. What the hell am I supposed to do?!"

"I could come over and cook for you!"

"...I think you'd kill him..."

"I would not!"

"Not from what I hear."

"Well then you're on your own. Don't get sick," she says, hanging up. Well fuck.

Ichigo sits up suddenly (I thought he was still asleep...) and tries to stand. I manage to react quickly enough to catch him before he hit the floor. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I...uh....I'm gonna..." shit.

Picking him, up, I rushed him into the bathroom as fast as I could. As soon as he was at the toilet he started hurling again. It looked painful, especially because I don't think he had anything left to throw up.

Brushing his hair back, I grabbed the nearest towel and cleaned him up. I'm not even sure if it really was the rain that made him sick. It could have been the stress of any number of things for all I know. God, I just want him to hurry up and stop being sick. I'd take him home or to a hospital or something, but one, I still don't know where he lives (fuck, should have asked) and two, the closest hospital is another town over. I ain't dragging him that far.

The next few hours and pretty much the rest of the night was more of the sane. He'd sleep for a while and then get up to hurl. I didn't get much sleep that night, between him tossing and turning (and hitting me a couple times) and getting up to vomit, it didn't seem like I'd get any for a while.

When he woke up the next morning though, he didn't feel the need to go rushing into the bathroom. He was still clutching his stomach, but at least it seemed to have let up. "You feeling better?"

"Little," was all he managed to get out.

I sigh. "Look, I really need to get you to someone that knows what they're doing. You need food and medicine that I don't have. So I'll ask again. Where do you live?"

"Don't...wanna go," he rasped out.

"I don't care that you don't want to go, you need to get better and it's not going to happen here."

Silence.

"Fine, I'll call your dad." As I reached for the phone, he immediately shot up and tried to stop me. The sudden movement caused him to gasp, he had the phone clutched tightly in his hand, half laying across me. I didn't want to try and pry it out of his fingers in case I hurt him...wait...why did I care if I hurt him? Why did I care if he got better? Why did I care about any of this? It was probably lack of sleep. That had to be it.

"Just tell me why you don't want to go home."

There was silence. I sighed in frustration. He finally mumbled something, though I'm not sure what. When I asked him to repeat it, he hesitated.

"Argument."

"You had an argument. With who, your dad?"

He shook his head.

"Sister?"

He nodded.

"You had an argument with your sister...so you can't go home...I realize that this may not mean much coming from me, but that makes no sense." Well...he did tell me why he didn't want to go home...damn it, that means I have to let him stay now. Fuck.

"Look, all I have is instant crap and you need food. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"'s fine," he mumbled. Well, it's not gonna be my fault if it kills him.

Lifting him up I can feel him tense. "I'm not gonna throw you out. I just need to get up." he relaxed and I set him back down.

Walking into the kitchen, I dug out more of the instant soup I had, debating whether or not I should actually feed it to him. Well...he didn't really seem to mind, and I didn't care all _that _much, so I guess he was getting instant soup. And as soon as it was done I headed back to the bedroom.

He was clutching his stomach again, his phone still in his hand. Guess he didn't trust me not to call someone.

Holding the soup in front of his face, I said, "Here."

He stared at it. "I'm not feeding you. You gotta eat your own damn food."

When he finally managed to sit himself up, he took it. It took him a while, but he did manage to eat most of it. And keep it down, surprisingly enough. I took it back from him and set it on the nightstand.

"Hot," he said.

"That's nice and all, but you still have to stay under the covers. If you're getting hot it means you're getting better," well, seeing as that was the extent of my sick people knowledge...

He groaned again. "Just get back to sleep."

And he did. For quite a while, I might add. I almost dozed of myself until he started shifting around again. And this happened every time, if he moved even slightly I was awake and alert. I swear to god, if he gets me sick I'm going to kill him.

* * *

There's this loud banging in the background and I'm not sure where it's coming from. It's very insistent and I open my eyes...wait...was I asleep? When the hell did that happen? I'm not complaining, no, far from it. It just would have been nice to know so, oh, I don't know, I might have been able to find a more comfortable position? I was sitting for god's sake. It's not comfortable to sleep like that, and it's even worse waking up after _having _slept like that.

But again that banging sound starts and I realize there's someone at the door. I hope to god it's not Cirruci.

Getting up I almost topple over, not quite fully awake. After I manage to steady myself, I walk out into the living room and look through the peephole in the door. Someone has it covered with their hand so I can't tell who it is, and if I can't tell who it is, I'm not opening the door. That's just not the smartest idea.

God, I'm tired and pissed off at the moment. I've been taking care of Ichigo for the last...day. Great, I can't even think straight anymore. I need more sleep...and I'm about to do just that when I hear Boobzilla start calling from the other side of the door. Fuck it. They managed to break in last time, they can do it again.

Which she does promptly. She's got the door open in less than twenty seconds and the first thing she spots is me.

"Um...are you ok?"

"I will be once I've gotten more sleep."

"When was the last time you got to sleep?"

"Uh..." I glanced at the clock. "an hour ago...I think..."

"Before that?"

"Day before yesterday."

"What the hell were you doing?!"

"Taking care of..." god, I can't even think of his name. I start pointing down the hall and she seems to get it.

"Can I see him?"

"I don't see why not."

She nods and starts walking toward the bedroom. I follow after her and stand in the doorway while she looks him over. She probably knows what she's doing better than I do, and I don't really have the mental capacity to do much at the moment, so I let her do...whatever it is she's doing.

After a few minutes she stands up and I think I started nodding off again...I really need to get more sleep. Boobzilla seems to think so too because she practically shoves me back onto the bed.

"Let him rest for a little while longer. If it starts getting bad again call me," and she walks out.

There's really something I'm not seeing to her, because one moment she's about the stupidest person you've ever seen (not to mention the most violent) and the next she's as serious as a heart attack. Ok, who the hell came up with that one? Yes, heart attacks are serious, but should we really be comparing people to them? Is that like insulting them?

Anyways, I can hear her close the front door as she leaves. The noise stirs Ichigo (that's his name) and he looks around and I know I'm still staring down the hall. Looking over at me, he seems confused. But I don't really feel like explaining, so it's just not going to happen.

Turning onto my side, facing away from Ichigo, I decide I'm gonna get as much sleep as I can. I hope to hell Ichigo gets better soon. As far as I've seen, he hasn't exactly been good for my health...

* * *

I smell bacon. Which is a really nice thing to wake up to...wait...bacon...why the hell did it smell like bacon? I know I don't have bacon because I can't cook it. Who the hell is making bacon?!

...What time is it anyways? According to the clock, seven. Whether that's in the morning or in the evening, I'm not sure.

Getting up and stepping out of the room, I immediately know it's morning. That light is way too bright. Who decided it was a good idea to be awake during the day?

Walking into the kitchen I find Ichigo standing in front of the stove. Oh, right, he's been here for the last...what...two days? If he's feeling better, why is he still here? He should go make up with his sister...damn it! I'm caring again! Why?!

I must have made a noise because he turns around and says, "Oh, you're awake."

Was it even possible for someone to recover that quickly?

"There's bacon," he said, motioning towards a plate.

"Where the hell did you get bacon?"

"The convenience store down the street."

I don't know how he managed to get there after being sick for...however long. I still think it's weird that he got over it so fast. Maybe it really was stress...

"How long do you plan on standing there."

"There was no real plan to stand here, it just happened. And I haven't quite figured out when I'm gonna move. Maybe when I'm more awake."

"I take it you're not much of a morning person."

"Gee, what gave you that idea?"

He rolled his eyes and went back to the stove. "I don't know how you manage to get up in the morning. My dad has to practically drag me out of bed."

"I don't either. Most days I have to tell myself Harribel is going to come bursting through my bedroom door and start whacking me with that stupid stick of hers."

He looks back at me, "Harribel?"

"A prostitute, also known as my mother. Or, one of."

He looks confused. "Your...mother was a prostitute?"

"Not my birth mother you moron. She was one of the many prostitutes and bartenders that actually raised me."

"You were raised by prostitutes and bartenders?" I can't tell if he's disgusted, curious, or...you know what, I don't care.

"I know nothing of my real mother and daddy dearest was never around to do his job. He was either out at a club drinking, with a hooker, or both."

He suddenly looks sympathetic. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" I'm honestly not sure why he should be. It wasn't like he forced my dad out the door every time. There wasn't anything to apologize for. I'm not even sure there's anything to forgive. But again, I'm sure I'm fucked up in more ways than one, so I'm not exactly the right person to be asking.

He shrugged.

Damn. I just realized that even though it's only Thursday, (meaning the fourth day of school) I've already missed three days. I hope there wasn't a lot to make up...wait...aw crap. I still had to make that drawing of Ichigo. Damn it.

"So...mind explaining why a hooker has a stick that she hits people with?"

I thought about it for a minute. You know, I'm not really sure why she has that stick. She just kinda always has...I wasn't the only one she hit either. If she was pissed of she'd hit anyone she could reach, but Stark and I got the most of it. Not really sure why. I should probably ask her next time I visit. Plus I wanna know the story behind the stick. Who the fuck carries something like that around?

"Hello," he says, waving a fork in front of my face.

"What?"

"You going to explain."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't actually know. She's just kinda always had it. No one really questioned it."

"No one questioned why she was hitting a kid with a stick?"

"She hit everyone with it. Stark and I just happened to be the ones that got the most of it."

He looked confused. "Stark?"

"Bartender."

"Exactly how many hookers and bartenders do you know?"

"Uh...let's see...there's Loli, Stark, Harribel, Nel, Chizuru, Tatsuki, Szayel, Aaroniero, Luppi...Yammi and Dordonii were bouncers...there's a few other people I can't think of at the moment."

He stared at me for a moment.

"What?"

"Why do you know so many of them?"

"Because I grew up with them."

"You grew up around hookers and bartenders?"

"Are you kidding? Stark and Harribel are practically my parents. But I think Nel's inability to make anything edible rubbed off on me. But Szayel's creepiness didn't, thank god."

"Um...which ones are which?"

"Loli, Harribel, Chizuru, Szayel, Nel, And Luppi are prostitutes, Stark, Tatsuki, and Aaroniero are bartenders. Loli is a slut, Harribel is the scariest woman on the planet, Chizuru is a freaky lesbian, Szayel is even creepier, Nel is just...Nel...and I've yet to figure out if Luppi is a guy or a girl. I'd ask, but I'd rather avoid bodily harm if possible."

"And the others?"

"Stark's lazy, Tatsuki is actually normal, and Aaroniero just has a tendency to freak people out. Yammi is stupid beyond belief. I don't know how Dordonii puts up with it..."

"So, why didn't you stay with them?"

"Hm?"

"Instead of going back with your dad."

"I got enough shit at school as it was, always seen hanging around bars, and I'm not exactly the most normal looking person on the planet. Imagine how much worse it would have been if I actually lived with the prostitutes. And while Harribel did teach me self defense, it's not really something I wanted to use more than I had to."

"...a hooker taught you self defense?"

"Why the hell not? They get people trying to steal from them all the time. Not to mention all those rape attempts. Every prostitute knows how to defend themselves, along with anyone else in the area. No one was ever actually stupid enough to go near a red light district unprepared. The only reason people didn't fuck with me was because Harribel was usually around and she scares the shit outta everybody."

"How does she earn money then?"

"She's only terrifying when she has to be."

"But...she's a hooker..."

"You're kidding right? She once took out a two hundred seventy-five pound man in under a minute. Do not fuck with her."

"Did you at least have any friends?"

I thought about Zan, but I don't know that he was a friend. I considered him a brother, but I don't know what he thought. The only friend I had and he was taken away from me. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not about to get all sentimental about it again. There are just times when I really miss having him around.

"No. Like I said, I got a lot of shit about the way I look. I stopped trying to make friends and stopped expecting people to try. I like keeping to myself anyway so it works out well," I said shrugging.

He's got that sad look again. It really doesn't suit him. Maybe I should stop telling him about my past...He walks around the little island in the middle of the kitchen and stands next to me. I have no idea what he's doing but he still looks depressed. Yeah, I should definitely stop telling him about my past. It's not doing either of us any good.

I was about to question him when he suddenly hugged me. It was unexpected and scared the shit out of me. The showing of affection was never something people gave me. Not even Nel who was probably the kindest prostitute you'd ever see. And considering I'm not a touchy feely kind of person, this was kinda awkward.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He doesn't respond.

"Seriously, let go."

He shakes his head. This is getting really uncomfortable.

"Come on, let go," I say, trying (vainly) to push him off.

"You need a hug."

"I can assure you I'll be just fine without it." But he still doesn't relinquish his grip. I hope he doesn't suddenly turn violent like Boobzilla does...I could really go without the violence.

When he finally does pull away it looks like he was the one that needed the hug, not me.

"Are you ok? Do you need to see a psychiatrist? Because that's gonna be an issue."

"I'm not crazy," he said scowling.

I'm not quite sure about that. Between the death of his mother, his (what I'm now pretty sure was) stress induced illness, and all the hugging, I'd say he has a few issues. Course, I'm not exactly the most certified so I guess my opinion doesn't really count. Whatever. I still say he has issues.

"You should go home today," I tell him, I see him tense. "I don't care that you don't want to go, you've gotta go sometime."

"I can't stay?"

"No."

"Not even if I pay rent?"

"No."

Something about the disappointment and sadness tells me that it wasn't just an argument with his sister. There's something major he's not telling me and I almost don't want to ask, but if it's that bad, he's going to have to earn his right to stay here.

Sighing I tell him, "There's one condition." he seems to brighten up. "You have to tell me the real reason you don't want to go home."

"I-I told you, I had an argument with my sister."

"I'm sure you did. But that's not why you don't want to go home." He stays silent. "You can either tell me or leave."

"It's personal."

"Door's that way."

He suddenly flushed in anger. "Fine! My dad was looking for me to get married already! I don't even know why! He got upset when I told him there wasn't anyone I liked and that I had no intention of getting married for a while! He told me that there had to be someone had had at least a little interest in! I admitted there was, but it really pissed him off when I told him it was a guy! I didn't want to have the argument, not that day and not in front of my sisters, but he kept fucking insisting, so I left! Happy?!"

I shrug. "You can either clean out the spare room or sleep on the couch."

He slumps down in the nearest chair and hides his face in his folded arms on the counter. If he needs a friend to talk to, I am not that person. I've known him for...two days? I wouldn't really consider us the best of friends. I'm not quite sure he's figured out I'm an emotional retard either.

I'm still tired and I was planning on going back to sleep today, but the knocking at my door said otherwise. I have no idea who the hell it is because everybody should be in school at this point. But again I'm proven wrong. Orihime, Boobzilla, and Frodo are on the other side of the door. They can let themselves in.

Or...not. Ichigo gets up to open the door. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I was gonna open the door."

"Why?"

"Because there's someone there."

"I meant why are you opening my door."

"Again, there's someone there."

"They can let themselves in."

"How do you know?"

"Because they have before and inevitably will again. Hopefully then they'll bring chips or something."

"They're...not exactly the type to do that...Toshiro might...maybe...or Chad. But that's about it," he says, opening the door.

"Strawberry!" Boobzilla yells, glomping him when she sees he's ok.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that."

"You did," she smiled. "But it's so cute. Plus it's your name, I can't stop calling you by your name."

"My name is Ichigo."

"Which means strawberry. So are you feeling better?!"

"Yeah. Uh...Matsumoto?"

"Yeah?" she asks, hugging him tighter. I wonder if I could escape back to my room before they notice...

"Two things. One, what are you doing here?"

"We came to check up on you!"

"What about school?"

"Don't worry, we checked with all the teachers. We aren't doing anything. Oh, but we do have school work for the last couple days you guys missed. Oh my god, Shiro! Did you start your drawing yet? Do you know what you're gonna do?"

Guess escaping isn't an option anymore... "I only have a few doodles. Nothing definitive."

She pouts, "At least you have that. I haven't even started yet! And Shiro-chan is already almost done!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Ichigo cuts in.

"It's an art project!" Boobzilla said happily. "We were partnered up with someone at our table and we have to draw them, but the teacher wants us to get creative and draw more than what you see. Shiro-chan and I are partners," she says, letting go of Ichigo to latch onto Frodo.

"So I guess that means you and I are partners?" he asks.

I nod.

"I smell bacon!" the ditz says, running into the kitchen. I hope she doesn't start cooking anything...

Boobzilla immediately follows her with Frodo not far behind. Just to make sure nothing is set on fire I follow as well. They're both hovering over the plate with the bacon on it, muttering to each other.

"Do you have any corn?" the ditz asks.

"Why do you need corn? You know what, never mind, I don't want to know. And no I don't. Everything in my house is instant. If you want something else you have to go get it."

"Time to go shopping!" the two strawberry blondes say, clapping their hands together. As long as it keeps them away from here for a while I don't care what the hell they do. "Come with us Shiro-chan!"

"It's not like I have much choice, is there," Frodo says.

They both squeal and go running out the front door, dragging Frodo with them. I wonder why he lets himself get dragged into shit like that. It doesn't seem enjoyable and it doesn't seem like he's getting anything out of it. Or maybe they're like Nel and they terrify people into doing what they want...that's a really scary thought...we do not need more people like that in the world.

I'm not sure where Ichigo's gone at this point, but I don't see him. I almost go with my original plan to get more sleep, but I don't really want to leave them to their own devices in my house. I'm pretty sure something would explode if I did. So I sit on the couch and wait for them instead, extremely tempted by the idea of sleeping here.

They come back a while later, but it sounds like there are more of them this time. Where the hell do they keep getting all these people? Are they hiding in a cave somewhere around here (haha cave)? A black hole?

Ichigo comes out of...I have no idea, but he comes back to open the door. And with their small group is one of the last people I was expecting to see...Nel.

* * *

End of Chapter Crap

Ok, usual credit goes to Redfaerie. She wants special credit for this line she came up with: Seriously. Was someone just sitting around thinking, "Wow, if only this phone would yell 'Superman that ho' whenever my mother called"...

Soulja Boy obviously isn't mine. I wouldn't want it.

Ok, there's a thing behind the cave. Redfaerie was watching the Tyra show when this guy decided he was going to go gay because he was afraid he'd lose his dick in a woman's vagina, which he called the cave. (I personally don't have that fear. I may not want to have sex with a woman, but I don't fear her crotch.)

The Making Of

Grimmgray: I don't have time to think about it because suddenly Soulja Boy starts playing...and it's coming from my bathroom...why the hell is Soulja Boy in my bathroom?

Xen: wow..

Pharitse: ...rape!

~*~

Grimmgray: "Is he ok?"

"I doubt it."

"Oh my god, what happened?! Was he shot?! Stabbed?!"

Redfaerie: hahahahaha. Where the hell did she grow up? Oakland?

Grimmgray: earlier "Ichigo? Are you ok? Were you abducted by aliens?"

Redfaerie: ....O....Berkeley

~*~

My friend can't read (it's actually really funny): i don't have food for sick people=i don't fuck sick people


	4. Chapter 4

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask in surprise.

"I came here to visit," she says smiling. "You haven't come to visit this month and I was getting worried. So much has happened in the last month. Tatsuki's getting married, Stark got a promotion, and we got a new hooker!"

Frodo and Boobzilla both stare at her in surprise. I hadn't told them about my guardians like I had Ichigo, and it was actually kind of amusing to see the shock on their faces. They weren't so much disgusted as they were curious.

Ichigo looks at me questioningly. "Tatsuki is..."

"The normal bartender."

"You told him?" Nel asked curiously.

"Told him what?"

"About the bar."

"I gave a brief explanation of the people. By the way, is Szayel still working there?"

"You ask that every time."

"I know. But I can't help hoping that something will happen and he'll leave. I don't know how he manages to get any business."

"Um...Shiro?" Boobzilla cuts in. "Why are you talking about hookers?"

"Because that's her job."

"She's a hooker?"

"Does it bother you?"

"Hell no! I have soooo many questions for you! How much do you get paid? Do you like being a hooker? What's it like? What if the guy is really ugly? Have you ever thrown up on anyone? Who's the creepiest guy you've ever had to fuck? Did you start off as a virgin? Did it hurt? How many people do you do a day? Is raping a hooker really just rape or is it theft? Have you ever killed anyone? Like an old guy? Given him a heart attack?"

Nel burst out laughing and Ichigo had managed to disappear somewhere. He's way too good at that. Maybe I could get him to teach me. It certainly would come in handy.

"Well, let's see..." Nel said, putting her finger on her lower lip in thought. She had a very good memory by the way. "Well, depending on how many customers I get in a night, my salary varies. And I love being a hooker! I get to have lots and lots of sex. And if the guy is ugly I make him wear a paper bag over his head. I can't say I've ever thrown up on anyone, but Szayel has. That was a great night. I don't think I started off as a virgin, but I can't really remember. The most I've done in a day was about twenty seven I think. And I would think it would be both rape _and _theft. And I haven't killed anyone. That was Loli."

The two of them seemed so into their conversation, which quickly turned to food which reminded them of the food they had. I'm going to leave before something explodes. As soon as I got dressed I was out the door. As much fun as it sounded to stay in the house while those three cooked, outside just seemed to have more appeal.

Fortunately there was a park nearby and it was a weekday so not too many people would be out. Sure there was the occasional fitness freak out with their dogs, but they were few and far between. Plus they were going in the opposite direction, so it wasn't like we had to be five feet apart the entire time.

It was still cloudy outside, but the rain had stopped at least. It was nice and cool too, at least compared to inside the flat. With Ichigo cooking and all those people suddenly over, it was getting rather warm. Not to mention I could think now.

Think about things like what I was going to do for the art project. There were so many ideas. Ichigo in a Victorian style suit seemed interesting...so was the idea of turning him into a hybrid. But that seemed a little far fetched for what the instructor was looking for. Maybe I could convince him to let me turn in an image of Ichigo in a dress....this is getting really weird so I'm gonna stop thinking about it now.

But since I had time to think, why did I care about him? I may not have cared all that much, but the fact that I cared at all kinda scared me. I could brush it off before as sleep deprivation but now? That desperate look he had when I told him he had to leave, so disappointed and so lost, it made my chest ache and it felt weird. Maybe he really was bad for me.

But people couldn't really be bad for one another could they? So what the hell was this? I wish Zan were here. He might know. He'd always been smarter with this kind of thing. Even for a fourth grader he'd been unusually good at stuff like that. Maybe I could ask Stark or Harribel. There was no way I was asking Nel. As much as she knew about this kind of thing, she was a blabbermouth. I'd never live it down.

As I walked further down the walkway, I passed a guy with long, wavy hair. He had these really weird sunglasses on and this long, black coat. He wasn't really paying attention (course, neither was I) and we ended up literally running into each other. Standing up, we both apologized, but he stopped half way and just stared at me.

"What?" I asked, thinking it had to do with my looks. And I guess in a way it did.

"Shirosaki?" he asked, surprised.

What the fuck? How the hell did he know my name. "Uh...do I know you?"

Out of nowhere he hugged me. What was with people and touching me? Not in the dirty way. That's creepy...being touched by strangers...I'm pretty sure I could qualify that as rape of some sort, right?

"It is you," he said.

"Seriously, what the hell is your problem?"

"Shiro, it's me."

"Me who?"

"You really don't remember? I suppose it has been quite a while."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You always did have a dirty mouth."

I swear if he didn't tell me who he was in the next thirty seconds, I'd kill him.

"It's me. Zangetsu."

No.

Fucking.

Way.

I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face at the realization. This was my friend. My brother. After almost ten years I finally got him back. I couldn't help but hug him back this time. The only friend I'd ever had and I finally had him back.

We both laughed.

"God, it has been far too long," I said, smile still in place.

"Indeed it has. So how have you been?"

I shrug. "Still as antisocial as ever. Though a few people have managed to force their way into my life. How about you?"

"I'm sure we both have a lot to tell. Let's find someplace to sit."

We quickly found a cafe around the corner and sat. We talked for hours about what had happened after he left. Mostly life had stayed the same for me, but a lot had changed for him. He'd made a lot of new friends after he moved, but he says none of them could replace me. He even had a girlfriend now. Her name was Shirayuki. She was pale with long white hair. She looked nice. Definitely not a stick. Maybe I'd get to meet her someday.

When it started getting dark, we both got up to leave. "So where are you staying?" I asked.

"I'm still looking for a place at the moment. But I'll let you know as soon as that changes."

"You know you're always welcome at my place."

"I don't want to impose."

"Don't worry about it. It seems to be happening a lot lately anyways."

He hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't sure, would I have asked? Besides, you're like a brother to me. I can't just turn you away, can I?"

"Well, you could..."

I roll my eyes and start off in the direction of my flat, remembering that there were probably still people in it. I knew Ichigo would still be there, but I wasn't sure about Frodo, Boobzilla, the ditz, or Nel.

"Just don't be surprised if my kitchen's exploded by the time we get there," I tell him.

"Do I want to know?"

"Boobzilla, the ditz, and Nel are in my kitchen. I've let them loose in my house. I'm pretty sure all hell has broken loose by now." he gives me a questioning look. "Nel can't cook. And from what I hear, Boobzilla and the ditz are even worse."

"That actually explains a lot."

When we do manage to make it back, there's a lot of yelling and screaming going on inside. Apparently while I was away, someone had invited everyone else in Ichigo's little group over. And all hell had indeed broken loose. They had taken over the game systems again, and the back door was open to let out the smoke that had formed in the kitchen. Ichigo was running around trying to get everyone to calm down. It looked like he was trying to get stuff cleaned up too.

As soon as they noticed us walking through the door, everybody stopped.

"Aaaaand here is the circus that continuously breaks into my flat. We've got acrobats, midgets, and oh, there's a clown!" I motion to each of them respectively, watching Zan's stunned face at the amount of people in one place. Or maybe it was the fact that they were in my place. I dunno. Either way.

Nel suddenly burst through the crowd, "Zangetsu? Oh my god! It's been so long! How have you been? Are you ok? They didn't experiment on you did they? Oh! Do you have superpowers?!"

How is it that she had managed to recognize him, but I hadn't? Oh well. Not that it mattered.

When I looked over at Ichigo, he had this look on his face. Like he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation. But as it registered, there was this quick flash of emotion. I couldn't tell what it was...jealousy? Of what? Sure I hadn't told him about Zan, but that was because I didn't think I'd ever see him again.

I mentally smack myself for that thought. I'm caring again. How is it that he manages to get under my skin so easily? I don't want to care.

Ichigo smiles when Boobzilla says something, but it seemed false. He says something back to her and heads back down the hall.

Zan seems to notice and slings his arm around my shoulders before saying, "So, finally got yourself a boyfriend, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, trying to shrug him off.

"You now exactly what I'm talking about." I give him a confused look and he sighs. "Don't give me that. I saw the way you were looking at him."

I still have no idea what he's talking about, but I doubt I'll get him to explain any further either. That has to be one of the few things I hate about him. Even as a kid he would always hint at something, but never fully explain. Besides, how many ways are there to look at someone when you were as emotionally retarded as I am?

Shoving me towards the hall he says, "Go get 'em tiger."

What exactly am I supposed to go get? Ichigo obviously, but the whole 'tiger' thing throws me off. I'm not an animal hunting for its prey, though someone did tell me once that they thought finding a mate should be releasing a bunch of women into the woods while the men chased after them. The first one they caught would be their wife. Which is a really weird concept. One, I am not an animal. Two, I feel no need to go and hunt something down. It's too much effort.

Checking the spare room, I find he's not hiding behind any of the stacks of books or under the bed. Don't ask me why I looked there, I just did. But he wasn't in the bathroom, which meant there was only one place he could be. My only question now is, why the hell is he hiding out in my room?

He looks up at me from his spot on the bed when I walk in, clearly not expecting...well...me. "Zangetsu told me to come looking for you."

"Why?"

"Hell if I know," I replied, closing the door behind me.

There was an awkward silence as he stared at...I dunno...it was either me or the wall. Either way it was really weird. After a minute he finally says, "D-do you...like him?"

I assume he's talking about Zangetsu. "I kinda have to if I let him in my house, right? Especially considering he's gonna be staying here a while."

Ichigo seemed to tense, but doesn't say anything. "I'm not kicking you out."

He smiles at me, one of those fake smiles. I wish he would stop pretending to be ok, I hate it when people do that...but maybe that's just because I do it too. The only difference is I can pull it off flawlessly. Yeah. I definitely hate that.

"Zangetsu will probably start cooking here soon. Come on out whenever you're hungry."

He slumped back against the headboard and I left. When I get back to the living room, Zangetsu is indeed in the kitchen, working with whatever Boobzilla and the ditz had gotten. Everyone else is talking animatedly about him. When Boobzilla spots me, she drags me to the center of their little group.

"So?" she asks excitedly.

"So..."

Sighing she says, "Who is he?"

"Zangetsu."

She stares blankly at me. I know that's not the answer she was looking for, but it was fun to mess with her.

"What is he to you?"

"My brother."

She looks surprised. "You have a brother?"

"We're not related by blood. Just like Nel's not my real mother. She was just one of the hookers that raised me."

There was a long silence as that thought sank in. It was promptly followed by a chorus of "You were raised by hookers?!"

"And bartenders!" Nel chirped.

"By the way, is Harribel still beating people with that damn stick?"

"Yep!" she says, smiling.

We were suddenly interrupted when Zangetsu popped his head in through the door to tell us he'd finished whatever he was doing. Damn that was fast.

People start gathering around the food he'd set out on the counter, hunting for plates and silverware. Their incessant chatter was still strangely loud for my normally empty flat. Would I ever get used to this? Probably not.

Ichigo came into the kitchen soon after, that fake smile still in place as he started talking to the others. Why did it bother me so much? Could no one else tell? Or were they just ignoring it? Oh well. He's probably still trying to get over the argument with his dad. In some weird way, I guess we're alike. Creepy thought.

"Tekken Tournament!" Matsumoto shouts, getting everyone's attention. They immediately headed back to the living room to set everything up. I figure, they haven't broken anything yet, they should be ok by themselves.

Glancing over, Zangetsu motions for me to follow him down the hall. And I do. I haven't seen him in ten years. I've missed him.

Following him into my room, he closes the door behind me and moves to sit down on the bed. I sit down beside him, waiting for him to speak. Which could be a while because neither of us were ever very talkative.

"So how long have you two been together?"

I stare at him in surprise. He actually thought Ichigo and I were going out? I'm not quite sure what to think of that, other than the fact that I'm pretty sure Ichigo hates my guts at the moment. "We haven't."

"Like, haven't yet?"

"Just...haven't. We're not like that. Hell, I barely know the guy."

"So you don't like him?"

"Not like that. I mean, he's okay- More normal than a lot of the people here- but he' not really anything special. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno. I was getting a vibe that you two were pretty close. At least friends."

"I guess we could be friends."

"Could be? With the way you look at him? If you aren't friends already there is definitely something wrong with you. I know you can be antisocial but shit."

"You were the one that called me an emotional retard."

"It's worse than I thought. You probably wouldn't know what half your emotions were if they came up and bit you in the ass."

"Emotions can do that? Can you sick them on other people?"

He laughed. "You really haven't changed, have you?"

"I try not to."

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Why change perfection?"

"You're kidding right?"

"Hell yeah."

"But, you two really aren't going out?"

"No. Why would we be?"

"Because you like each other."

"And where exactly are you getting this from?"

"Watching the two of you."

"So...I take it you've become a creepy stalker over the years."

"No, I've just become more observant."

"And how exactly have your powers of observation told you what you think you know?"

"Well for one, you can't seem to stop staring at him. And don't tell me you don't, I've seen it. Ever since you walked in that door you haven't stopped looking at him. And the way he looks at you...it's hard not to see it."

"Have you been taking any medication recently?"

"No. Why?"

"I think you should consider it. There is no way in hell we'd end up together. One, he hates my guts. Two, even if he didn't hate my guts, I'm too antisocial and emotionally retarded. I'm not exactly the nicest guy on the planet either."

"The fact that you actually thought about that, tells me you don't exactly hate him."

"I never said I hated him," I said, leaning back. "I just said I didn't like him."

"Not even in a we-could-be-friends kind of way?"

I shrug. "Maybe."

"Maybe my ass."

"I'd rather not."

"Smart ass."

"Didn't know asses had brains."

"Sure they do. You're proof of that."

I laugh. "True enough."

* * *

I don't know how long we talked after that, but it must have been a while, because by the time we came out, half the group was gone. I don't know how I'm going to set up the sleeping arrangements with Ichigo and Zangetsu, because I don't really want to stick Zan on the couch, but I told Ichigo he could sleep wherever.

I'll figure it out eventually. Course...I guess Ichigo could always sleep with me again...

Not that he'd want to. He's probably still pissed...about a lot...damn it! The caring! It's back!

As the last of the group leaves, I'm about to find Ichigo and figure this whole sleeping arrangement thing out, only to find him asleep on the couch. He looks really cute...no. Bad Shiro!

Zangetsu walks up behind me, "You gonna stick him in the spare room?"

"Where would that leave you?"

"Hmm...well, we could share a bed like we used to."

...that actually wasn't a bad idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. We were close enough that we could still do that right? Plus it's not like we were gonna screw each other or anything. That would be really creepy. I don't care what the fangirls say. Incest. Not cool.

Picking Ichigo up, I carry him to the spare room. Halfway there he grips my shirt like he usually does and mumbles something, but I brush it off. It's probably something to do with his dream anyways.

It actually took me a minute to get my shirt back though. I guess a few hours of not having to worry about him made me forget how damn stubborn and strong he was. If he gripped something, he was not letting go.

But when I do manage to pry him off, I head back to my room, noticing that Zan is in the bathroom. I figure he'll be along soon enough.

Slipping under the covers, I stare at the ceiling, but again I get nothing. No images, no nothing. What is with me lately? I can't seem to do a lot. Maybe I'm still getting used to this whole college thing.

Zangetsu comes in and crawls into the other side of the bed. This is so familiar. Maybe I won't need my images tonight.

* * *

There's that food smell again. That smell of real food. That's a really nice smell. Someone comes padding down the hallway, but it can't be Zan because I can feel his body heat radiating from nearby. So I guess Ichigo's up and about. Suddenly the door opens, but it's quiet. Almost too quiet.

"What?" I ask, though it comes out more as "hmph" because my face is buried in my pillow.

He hesitates before saying, "Food's almost done, whenever you're ready," and he walks out.

Glancing up at the clock, I find it reads eight in the morning. Seriously, what the hell was with him and getting up so damn early in the morning? It's not normal. For anyone. But now that I'm awake, I don't think I'll be getting back to sleep. Damn it.

Sitting up, I look around the room and find Zan still asleep. I quickly find a pair of pants and walk out so as not to wake him up. Walking into the kitchen I find Ichigo searching for...something. Good luck with that.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ichigo immediately turned around, surprised.

Scowling at me he said, "None of your business."

"Um...yeah. You're in my kitchen. It's totally my business."

He flushed red and closed the cabinet he'd been looking in. Walking past me, he opened another cabinet and pulled out a plate. "What's it to you?"

"Need we revisit that whole my kitchen thing?"

"I'm making some damn eggs," He snapped. "Happy? Now where the hell do you have a damn skillet?"

"Okay...for starters, a skillet? Here? Do I look like I cook? I think there's a frying pan in that cabinet over there. And two," he continued as Ichigo moved his search to the cabinet. "Did I do something? Talk in my sleep? Do horribly offensive things to you in a past life?"

"What?"

"Well you've got this stick in your ass that's making you kind of a pain."

Ichigo grabbed a pan and turned his back to me, facing the stove, but I could hear him mumbling under his breath. "Yeah, _I've_ got something in my ass..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he replied, shrugging.

"Nothing my ass," I mumbled, grabbing a bagel laying on the counter. Might as well get food while I was out here.

He said something else, but it was so quiet that the only thing I caught was Zangetsu's name. I stared at him. "What?"

He didn't reply.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing." He replied. "I didn't say anything."

"No. You definitely did. I heard you. You said something about Zan."

"It doesn't matter," he says, trying to avoid me.

"I'm not going away."

"I didn't tell you to."

"You seem to want me to."

"When did I say that?!"

"You didn't have to say it!" I sigh. "Look I dunno why the fuck you're acting like this but it's too damn early to deal with this crap. Either tell me what your deal is or get out."

He pauses, that look of desperation is back.

"Fine." He pushes past me, walks out the door and slams it behind him. What the hell? Just yesterday he'd been begging to stay here, and now he just up and leaves? What the fuck is his problem? And why the fuck am I caring?

Zangetsu comes out from my room, clearly still half asleep. "What's all the noise?"

Shaking my head I say, "Ichigo left."

"Where?" he asks, reaching for some of the food laid out.

I shrug.

"What do you mean you don't know."

"I mean I don't know. He was acting kinda funny, got pissed off and left."

He seemed to contemplate this for a minute. Then realization crossed over his face. "Was he like this yesterday?"

I thought. "He's been acting funny for the last couple days, but nothing like this."

"Did he happen to walk in this morning while we were sleeping."

"Yeah. Where are you going with this?"

"Does he know you see me as a brother?"

"I thought it was kinda obvious..."

He lets out a frustrated sigh, running his hands over his face.

"What?" I ask defensively.

"You can't seriously be that stupid. Ok, let me spell it out for you. He likes you. As more than a friend. Suddenly you bring someone home that you get along with really well, and considering it's you, that's gonna raise a few flags. Add that to the fact that he doesn't know I'm straight, doesn't know that we're practically brothers, and saw us sleeping in the same bed, what do you get?"

I stare at him, confused.

"For gods-HE THINKS WE'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER!"

What.

The.

FUCK?!

* * *

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! IT IS DONE! IT'S FINALLY DONE! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT CHAPTER SO FAR!

Redfaerie gets credit, I don't think there's anything else, and if there is? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! THIS CHAPTER IS DONE AND OVERWITH! FUHIHOHOHOHOHO!


	5. Chapter 5

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

Have you ever been in an awkward situation before? I have, though there were very few of them. And of the few I had experienced, this one was the worst.

Now, normally an awkward situation is created by one person saying something stupid and making everybody uncomfortable and unsure of what to say next. This was nothing like that. I was currently sitting next to a guy that thought I was screwing my 'brother'. I wanted to find some way of explaining that it wasn't true, that it was really creepy. But how exactly do you bring that up? I can just see the conversation now.

"Remember that guy you thought I was screwing? Well, turns out he's my brother."

"You're screwing your brother?"

Yeah. That would bode real well. Course, it didn't help that he was being pissy. And I don't mean I'm-going-to-go-sulk-in-a-corner pissy. I mean if-there-weren't-people-around-I'd-kill-you pissy.

Real attractive.

I'm pretty sure Boobzilla and Frodo are trying to ignore it along with the rest of the class. They don't hide it well. I could swear I saw Frodo's eye twitch a couple times, and I'm pretty sure Boobzilla wants to smack the crap outta him at this point.

And through all this...I still don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do for the art project. So I start doodling.

At some point the instructor decided he was going to go around the classroom and glance at people were doing. In retrospect, doodling probably hadn't been the best idea. Remember that idea I had about putting Ichigo in a dress? Well my brain decided to put it to paper. That and hybrid Ichigo.

Suddenly my paper is snatched out of my hands. "You're very good at capturing the realism of an object in your artwork," he said. I tried to take the paper back. "This is what you should all be aiming for."

Now, it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd just flashed the thing at the class, but no. He passed it around to every freaking table. The class started murmuring, though I couldn't tell what about. Well, the paper obviously. The rest of my table seemed curious too. Too bad my invisibility power doesn't work when people know I'm there.

When the paper finally makes it's way back to our table, Boobzilla immediately snatches it up and starts laughing. Curious, Ichigo grabs the paper from her and turns bright red. Yeah, he's definitely pissed now. Now what the fuck am I supposed to say?

"I'm not creepy. Really."

Ichigo opens his mouth to say something, but promptly closes it. Not that I blame him. What do you say to seeing yourself portrayed that way? He suddenly stands up and hurries out of the room, cheeks flushed bright red. The instructor tries to call him back and...fails. I don't think it matters though, because a minute later the bell rings.

Half way to my second class, Cirruci finds me and attaches herself to my arm. She starts rambling on about something, but I dunno what because I'm not really paying attention. Ichigo had come back last night and slept in the spare room again, but was gone by the time I got up. Which is kind of annoying because it's like, I don't even get a chance to explain anything? How is that fair?

"Shiro," Cirruci whines. "You're not listening to me."

"That's because my inner musings are much more entertaining than whatever it was you were talking about. See, I have dancing monkeys and alligators in tutus. Do you have anything like that? Didn't think so."

"Well, I may not have flying monkeys-"

"Dancing monkeys," I correct her.

"Dancing monkeys, whatever. But I'm much cuter than any ape, don't you think?"

"You certainly are cute for an ape."

She starts in with that constipated pout again, something she should really stop doing. "So anyways, who's this Zangetsu person I keep hearing about from Ichigo's group of friends? All I hear about is him. Why is he so special?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because according to them, you seem to have a real thing for him."

"That's really creepy."

"Why?"

"Would you date your brother?" she wrinkles her nose at the thought. "That's what I thought."

"Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"

"Because the less you know about me, the happier I am."

As we make our way into the classroom, I find Boobzilla sitting in the back, waving her arms frantically. I think she might want to talk to me. Either that or she's trying to flag down a plane. It'd be kinda nice if she was. Maybe then it would kill me and I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap.

Cirruci goes off to sit with the clown (I'm still now sure how they know each other. I find myself morbidly curious about it...) and I take my seat next to Boobzilla who is practically bouncing out of her seat. "What?"

"Guess what?" she asked, nearly falling out of her seat.

"Again, what?"

"Inoue and I were cooking last night and came up with the most amazing recipe!" she was squealing. It was very high pitched, I think she nearly destroyed one of my eardrums... "It's got chives, cinnamon, ham hocks, bacon bits, cream cheese, and it's all oven baked!"

"You're telling me you ate this and...lived..."

"Duh. Would I be here now if it'd killed me?"

"You could be a ghost come back to haunt me."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because damn near everything else does, why shouldn't you?"

She thinks for a minute. "You know, I _was _going to haunt Ichigo...but now that you mention it, haunting you might be a lot more fun. Oh! Or maybe Cirruci!"

"Great...you're making plans to stalk my stalker...Should that concern me?"

"She's your stalker, why should anything that happens to her concern you?"

"Because I think I'm supposed to have a moral code about that..."

"_Supposed _to."

"Good point."

"By the way, has Ichigo said anything to you in the last couple days?"

"No, why?"

"Because he's been real pissy and annoying. I figure it's either you or someone else in the group, but since he's been more attached to you lately..."

"You figure I had something to do with it."

"Yep," she smiled brightly. It was rather disturbing.

"He hasn't said anything to me the last couple days. Mostly he's only at the flat to eat or sleep. Other than that I don't see him."

"Hm...maybe he ate something bad...or he's sick...he usually gets kinda pissy when he's sick...or maybe he's been abducted! Some aliens replaced the real Ichigo with a fake one! What are we gonna do?!"

"My half of we? Nothing. Go find someone else if you're going to interrogate him."

She pouts, but says nothing further. I'd been wondering what his group would have to say about his mood the last few days. But I didn't think that any of them were stupid enough to think of abduction. Maybe the others have a more reasonable answer. Except for the fact that I have a better idea of what's wrong than they do...hope they don't interrogate _me_...

Maybe I can sneak off and hide until lunch is over...course...there are other classes I have with them, so I guess avoidance is impossible. Plus, even if I did manage to avoid them here, they'd just break into my house and do it there. Guess I'd better hide that duct tape.

Fortunately most of this class is spent watching Boobzilla stick her tongue out at Cirruci. I have no idea what the argument's about, but it's such a childish thing to do. And apparently Cirruci isn't above responding the same way. So they spend all period sticking their tongues out at each other when the instructor isn't looking. The rest of the class, however, was a different story. They were trying not to laugh.

By the time I make it to the roof for lunch, Ichigo and a couple other people are already there. And arguing.

"I am not being pissy!"

"There are urinals less pissy than you. Truck stop urinals," pineapple zebra.

"...ew..."

"You think I don't know pissy when I see it?" the gnome. "Ichigo, I'm a woman. I know pissy. I get pissy, and it's only fun sometimes. This is not one of those times. It's fucking annoying. Now, are you going to tell us what the hell's going on?" she glances over at me. "Or do we have to sick him on you?"

"What the hell am I gonna do?"

When Ichigo turns around, he turns bright red. (I wonder if he'd glow in the dark...) The scowl is back and he pushes past me and makes his way back inside the school. Everyone else on the roof stares at me. Too late to run away now.

There were a lot of questions about what the hell I'd done to him. I was only spared when Boobzilla made her way to the roof at retold the horrifying story from art class. Curious, everyone else took a look at the picture. A couple burst out laughing, but the gnome damn near had a nosebleed. So did the ditz for that matter.

* * *

I didn't see Ichigo the rest of the day, but as predicted, his group did break into my house. Fortunately it wasn't to interrogate me. They set up the game systems as usual, and somehow managed to get Zangetsu to play. I sat and watched as he managed to kick everybody's ass.

They tried to get me to play at one point, see if I could beat him. And I might could if I tried, but competing wasn't really my thing. So I decide to get my homework out of the way instead. I've got enough to do with the amount of days I've missed already.

Ok, so I probably won't actually end up doing the work. But it's a nice thought right?

Heading back to my room, I pick up my latest book and start reading from where I left off.

_Matt laughed, pressing his body against Chris's. "No plain old pudding for you."_

"_No indeed."_

"_Can I fingerpaint with it?"_

Well that's disgusting. And probably unsanitary...

"_Only if you're talking about the sort of fingerpainting I think you are."_

"_You know it." Matt's face broke into a wide , thoroughly evil grin. "I love me some chocolate cock." _

Definitely unsanitary.

_Chris chuckled. "You," he said, kissing the dimple in Matt's right cheek, "have a filthy mind."_

"_You like it." Matt leaned forward and licked behind Chris's ear, lingering over the spot that always made Chris shiver with pleasure. "I bet the reason you keep seeing me is the dirty sex."_

_Chris's mouth went dry. His heart was racing suddenly, as he remembered the promise he'd made to himself earlier that day. _It's time_, he thought, with something like panic. _

_Chris cleared his throat. "Matt--"_

_He didn't get any further than that. Matt pushed him away and stepped back, wrapping his arms around himself. "Don't say it."_

_Chris stared at him. Those huge blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "Matt, what's wrong?"_

_For a minute, Matt stood still and silent, staring at the floor. When he raised his gaze to meet Chris's, Chris thought the fear and hurt there might break his heart. _

"_Look, Chris, I know we fuck a lot--_

Damn right you do. It's been fourty pages and you've had sex like, six times already. That we _know _of. Hell, you probably screwed more times than any of us would care to count.

–_,right, and it's good. _Really _fucking amazing, actually. But I..." Mat bit his trembling lip and looked away. "I don't want to be just that. If sex is really the only reason you want me, then I don't...I don't want it."_

_

* * *

_

There's a loud crash coming from out in the living room and it wakes me up. Damn it. I fell asleep without realizing it again. I need to stop doing that. Someone starts cursing. Glancing at the clock it says eleven pm.

Who the hell is wandering around the flat at this hour? It's definitely not Zan, I can hear him snoring beside me. Fuck. Guess that means I have to get up.

As I open the door, I can hear more stumbling and cursing. Turning on the light, I find Ichigo sprawled out on the floor, clutching his foot. He thought he could sneak around here in the dark? Not the sharpest tool in the box is he? I bet he rides the tour bus.

"What are you doing?"

He scowls at me. "None of your business."

"Need we go over the this is my place thing _again_?" his cheek seems unusually dark...so is his fist for that matter. "How'd you get that bruise?"

"None of your god damned business."

I roll my eyes at him and drag him into the bathroom. He's trying to pry me off. And failing miserably to my amusement. I've been in enough fights that I have a bunch of supplies in the bathroom.

I sit him down on the toilet, (not exactly ideal, but it'll work) and lift his chin to get a better look. Pressing down on the bruise, I notice that it doesn't seem to be too serious. Doesn't seem like anything's broken or fractured. Turns out his hand is bleeding though.

Grabbing all the supplies out of the cabinet, I find him still glaring at me.

"So," I begin as nonchalantly as possibly. "You gonna clear anything up for me?"

"It's my business. Stay out of it."

"There's a lollipop in it if you do."

"...That makes you sound like a child molester..."

"Oh shit, I was going for doctor." Course...anime doctors are pretty damn creepy...I dunno what it is, but there's like, some unspoken rule that all doctors in anime have to be creepy. It's not necessary...it just kinda...is...

Except for that gay doctor in Hana Kimi. I don't remember why I read that...but I remember liking that doctor a lot. As I recall he was my favorite character.

He tries to pull away when I start cleaning his wound, but I refuse to have him bleeding all over the place. Blood is a bitch to clean out of anything, but especially carpet and fabric.

"So the fight is obvious. I'm just curious as to who you got in a fight with."

"What are you, my mom?"

"No, I can't give birth. And even if I could, I wouldn't want to. Kids annoy the ever loving hell out of me. I was forced to baby sit them once. I made them watch CSPAN and fed them every once in a while. When they got to wild I just threw candy at them."

"You were raised by prostitutes and bar whores. Who the hell let you watch their kids?" he spat.

"You really don't want to know."

He hesitates before saying, "Yeah, I do."

"You tell me, I tell you."

His scowl deepens and I can tell he's debating on whether he wants to know enough to tell me about his fight. "You first."

I sigh. "Fine. Urahara Kisuke."

"Don't know him."

"You don't want to. Your turn." He looks away. "I've got all night."

"Funny, so do I."

"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You've been acting funny for the last couple of days."

"Me? You're the one who's been acting like a total freak lately!"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm usually a freak."

"But you were laughing! You smiled!"

"I am capable of things like that. Now seriously, what the hell is your problem?"

"It's none of your business! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

"Because you're living under my roof!" God he's really pissing me off. I don't think I've ever met anyone that could do that. "I don't want to have to watch what I do or say around my own damn house because you've got emotional problems!"

"I do not have emotional problems!" We're both screaming now. Hope we don't wake anybody up.

"I don't care what kind of problems you have!"

"Then how about the fact that I can't even go home anymore without getting the shit beat out of me?!"

...what? His father did this? Sure Harribel beat me, but never out of spite. The shock is evident on my face because he says, "I went home because Karin said she needed me. I didn't want to go, but she said dad was out. So I agreed. He got home sooner than any of us expected. He's still not happy with me. I wasn't happy with him either and we took it out on each other."

He's crying again. Why does my chest ache when he does that?

"He was even more pissed off when I told him who it was I liked." He hesitates.

"Who do you like that your dad has such a problem with?"

"I think he has a problem with it because I live with them."

...did I just hear what I think I heard? Is...is he saying he likes me? The hurt is still evident on his face, and I want to say something, anything to make it go away. Before I get the chance to question him, he quickly presses his lips against mine. They're incredibly soft and I want to taste more of them, but he pulls away all too quickly.

"I'm sorry." What? Why is he apologizing? "I...I don't want to come between you two..."

"What?"

"You and Zangetsu. You guys like each other, right? I don't want to break that up."

I don't know why, but I can't help but burst out laughing. He looks confused. "That's so creepy."

"What is?"

"Zangetsu..."

"What about him?"

"He's like a brother to me."

He stares at me. He looks even more confused than before. "You mean...you're not..."

"Hell no." He doesn't seem to know what to think now. I pull him close as I try to kill my laughter. It's actually much harder than it sounds.

He's tense at first, but other than that he doesn't seem to mind the closeness. Wow. I haven't hugged someone other than Zangetsu in a really long time. It's actually pretty nice. But I can't tell if it's just the human contact or Ichigo.

He tries to pull back. "Then..."

"Hm?"

"...would you consider going out with me?" He's blushing again, and it's far too cute. No man should look that cute. But he does.

I pull back and press my lips against his. "Does that answer your question?"

* * *

Ok, as per usual, Redfaerie gets super credit for helping me.

The book Shiro is reading in this chapter is a book called Love's Evolution by Ally Blue.

And that whole CSPAN thing? That's my friend pharitse.

By the way, do you know how weird it is to write a fic like this while listening to Sword of Damocles from the Rocky Horror Picture Show?


	6. Chapter 6

Berries And Bimbos And Boobs, Oh My

* * *

It smells like bacon. Again. And for some reason I'm in the spare room. It's cold in here. I'm leaving. As soon as I feel awake enough to move. Could be here a while. Good thing I'm in the room with all the books I guess...

Too bad I don't actually end up reading anything. I just lay there for the good part of an hour, trying to convince myself that it was worth getting up for the bacon if nothing else. Which really shouldn't have been that hard considering it was bacon. There must really be something wrong with me.

When I do finally manage to do it and get a good look at the clock, I realize I'm awake at five in the morning. Why? Because bacon is that amazing. And totally worth being awake an hour early for.

Wandering into the kitchen, I find Ichigo running around trying to find something. I don't think I've ever seen a guy so eager to be in the kitchen (other than Zan, but he's just a freak of nature). It's just not normal. I don't know why, it just isn't. Not that I'm complaining. Far from it. For the first time in...I don't even know...there's actual food in this house. Flat. Whatever the fuck you wanna call it.

I watch him a little longer. He looks like he belongs there. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have spooky kitchen powers like Zangetsu does, but he just kinda...fits in.

Walking up to the counter I ask, "Exactly how long have you been up?"

Spinning around, he stares at me, surprised. "I swear to god one of these days you're going to give me a heart attack."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I learned how to handle them," I replied, sitting down.

Turning back to the pan on the stove he asks, "Where the hell did you learn how to handle a heart attack?"

"You'd be surprised at the number of people that had health issues in the bar." He glances back at me questioningly. He looks cute when he tilts his head that way... "Let's see...there was the epileptic guy that showed up on disco night, the ten or so guys that had a heart attack due to the strippers, and that lady that choked on an olive because she forgot she was allergic. Though I never figured out why Stark had that epi-pen..."

Seriously. The lady starts choking, everybody freaks out, and Stark comes out from around the bar with an epi-pen. It saved her life...but what the hell? I even asked Harribel. She had no clue either. I'm not sure if I should be afraid or not.

Ichigo turned off the stove and put the plate of bacon on the counter. Awkward silence ensues. I assume we should talk about what happened last night, but neither of us really wants to start the conversation.

So we're obviously going out...but what does that entail exactly? Mostly I think I have the basics of that...maybe...

"So..." he says, avoiding my gaze.

"A needle pulling thread."

Now he just flat out stares at me. "What?"

"Sorry. I don't do well with awkward conversations. I tend to do stupid stuff. Like spout out lyrics from old movies." He keeps staring. "What?"

"I just...didn't think anyone watched movies like that anymore."

"Probably because it wasn't actually a good movie."

"Hey! I happen to like that movie!" he said, slightly offended.

"You like singing nuns and scary, dancing children?"

"Ok, I'll admit the nuns were kinda weird, but there was nothing wrong with those kids! Besides, it was a nice, cute, romantic movie," he replied, folding his arms over his chest defiantly.

"And three fucking hours long. Sorry, I was not going to listen to people sing and watch them dance for three hours. Hell, I could have half a book finished by that point."

"But your books have romance in them!"

"So? They don't sing and dance at me. And they're far more entertaining. The relationship goes somewhere faster."

Ichigo huffed and pouted. Without looking constipated. And he looked cute doing it. Made me wish I had my sketch pad...

At my staring he asked, "What?"

I shrugged. "You're cute."

He turned bright red and that scowl took it's place on his face. He reaches for the bacon and mumbles something about not being cute. He can lie to himself all he wants. Whatever floats his boat.

Not long after, Zan walks out, still half asleep. Which is weird because his hair is sticking up all over the place. You wouldn't think it possible with hair that long, but he somehow managed to do it. Maybe he really does have powers. I should ask him how they work. Maybe learn to turn invisible.

We sit there for about an hour, mostly making fun of each other's bed head (though I don't really think it applies to either me or Ichigo seeing as...well...it can't be tamed anyways) and eating bacon. By the time it's actually time to get ready to leave, none of us really want too. Good thing we all live together huh?

After getting ready and shoving our things together, we're about to leave when half of Ichigo's little group comes bursting through the front door. Boobzilla immediately stops in front of Ichigo, hands on her hips.

"Are you going to behave today, Ichigo?" she asked almost threateningly. It didn't seem to phase him.

Zangetsu leaned over and whispered, "She makes it sound like a bad porno."

I almost burst out laughing.

"The giant tits aren't helping," I whispered back. He nodded in agreement.

Turning back to the situation at hand, Ichigo looks confused. "What?"

"Are you going to stop being pissy?"

The gnome popped up out of nowhere and offered, "Because if you're not, we have ways of fixing that!" She was suddenly holding a rope. And smiling. And suddenly I didn't want to know how they were going to fix it. The earlier porno comment added with the current conversation just took my mind to a weird place.

"How'd you get the bruise?" Frodo cut in. Wow. I think Ichigo might have an actual friend among this crowd.

Ichigo brushes the bruise on his cheek. I guess he forgot about it. Dunno how though. It must hurt like a bitch. Ok seriously, who the fuck thinks up all this shit? "Hurts like a bitch"? How long ago was this made? Are we talking dog or woman? Because...well...ok, I guess if you piss them off enough they'd hit you and it would probably hurt...the dog would bite and I'm pretty sure she'd aim for the nuts. So either way you're screwed.

"It's nothing," he replied, dropping his hand. The bandaged one. That Boobzilla takes notice of.

"Oh my god! What happened? Did someone try to rape you? Are you ok? Are you still a virgin? It's ok if you're not! We'll still love you! Even if you do become a hooker!"

"Who said anything about being a hooker?"

"That's your first concern?" I ask. "Not even the fact that she thinks you were raped, the fact that she thinks you're gonna become a hooker? Way to set your priorities straight."

He turns around to glare at me, but it doesn't work too well because he's trying not to smile. I just smirk at him and start walking past his group. I'd rather not be late to school thank you. Zangetsu follows me out, as does everyone else.

After locking up, I start heading for the school, all the while listening to them try to bug the information out of him. I almost tried to save him with the whole, he fell down the stairs thing, but there's a few things wrong with that. One, I don't have stairs. Two, stairs don't usually bruise your cheek and your hand...

By the time we arrive at school, all they've gotten out of him was that he'd had a fight. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that knows. Me and maybe Frodo. Or Taco Man. I dunno why, but it just seems like he and Ichigo would talk to each other about that kind of thing. I could be completely wrong.

Soon after arriving we're joined by Cirruci and the clown. We don't talk long because the bell rings. Thank god.

Art wasn't so bad. Though I still don't know what I'm going to turn in. Maybe I could get away with just turning in a bunch of sketches. Yeah right. It was a nice thought though.

Boobzilla's off in her corner, freaking out about how she was going to fail this first assignment. Frodo looked like he was falling asleep and Ichigo just looked like he was trying too hard. I just sat there and waited for the bell to ring. I'd figure something out at home.

The rest of the day went by pretty slowly. We weren't doing anything in most of my classes, and as per usual, lunch was the highlight of the day. Well, the school day anyways. I'm pretty sure something entertaining would end up happening back at my place as well. Just because they've taken to gathering there every chance they got.

The walk home was pretty quiet though. But not that weird uncomfortable silence. Just...silence. It was actually really weird. His group must really be affecting me.

Opening the door, I find Nel yelling at somebody over the phone. Looking up, she spots us and hesitates. She quickly mumbles something before heading off out the door. By this point I'm thoroughly confused.

Lifting the phone up to my ear, I say, "Hello?" closing the door behind me.

"Shiro?"

I froze.

Glancing behind me, I find Ichigo and Zangetsu sitting at the counter talking. I head down into my room and shut the door.

"What the hell do you want?" I hissed at him.

"Come on, that's no way to talk to your father."

"Either tell me what you want or hang up."

There was a long silence, and if not for his breathing, I would have sworn he'd hung up. "I need you to come back."

"No."

"Please, just-"

"I said no."

"If you don't come back, I swear to god I'll-"

"You'll what? Call the cops? Good luck with that," I said, frustrated. He needs to stop fucking calling me. And curiosity got the better of me. "What do you need me for this time?"

"So you'll-"

"I asked you a question, it doesn't mean shit," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"There's something I need to talk to you about."

"So talk."

"I want to do it in person."

"Why, so you can push me around some more? Don't think so."

"It's not like that." I can hear someone mumbling in the background. He pulls the phone away from him and responds before coming back. "Listen, I really need to talk to you in person."

"And I refuse. Bye."

I hung up.

Walking out into the living room, I placed the phone in it's cradle, still pissed. I could hear Ichigo and Zangetsu talking in the kitchen. Meandering in I tell them, "Don't answer the phone."

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Zan nudge Ichigo who just slightly shakes his head. I head out the back door and sit down in the chair.

I can hear muttering in the kitchen and soon after Ichigo follows me out. He looks worried...and nervous. Uncertain, he sits down next to me.

There was a long silence before he asked, "Are you ok?"

"Fine."

He rolls his eyes, looking over at me, "Obviously. That's why you're out here moping."

"Exactly."

He's quiet for a moment, as if thinking about something. Suddenly he's got his arms wrapped around me. And it feels...nice. Awkward with the chair arms between us. But nice nonetheless.

He didn't say anything after that. I think we both understood that nothing really needed to be said. It was just nice having each other around. Was this what it was like to be in a relationship with somebody? Because if this was part of it, maybe it wouldn't be so bad...

* * *

There are some very loud noises coming from somewhere nearby...and it's suddenly a lot darker than I remember it being...

Hell. I fell asleep again. But whatever I'm resting on is oddly comfortable...

Opening my eyes, I find myself in a sitting position. My head resting on someone's shoulder. Dunno who, but whoever it is is reading a really good book...wait...book. Looking up I find that I'd fallen asleep on Ichigo.

He didn't seem to mind. And I know I certainly didn't. But when the fuck had I fallen asleep?

Sitting up all the way, I stretch out before glancing inside. Yep. The circus managed to make it's way inside my house again. I don't see Zangetsu though. I wonder where he went.

"Hey."

Turning around I find Ichigo smiling at me. Not a big one. But a smile nonetheless. He looks really good when he does that. "How long have I been out?"

He glances at his phone. "A couple hours."

I can hear the phone going off inside. I sigh. Fuck. "How long's the phone been ringing?"

"A couple hours."

"Anybody answer it?"

"I think Orihime did, but you were asleep so she just hung up."

"Who?"

"Orihime." He looks at my still confused face. "Strawberry blonde with big boobs. Wears these hairpins all the time."

"Oh, the ditz."

He stares at me. I almost think he's insulted by my nickname for her until he starts laughing. Holy hell does he have a nice laugh.

"What?"

"I just...I've just never heard anyone call her that before," he managed to say past all his laughter.

"Well, fuck. I don't know her name."

"So you call her the ditz?"

"I don't know anyone's name. They all have some weird label."

He looks at me, genuinely curious. "Really? Like what?"

"The other big boobed one is Boobzilla, the short kid with white hair is Frodo, the tall creepy guy Cirruci hangs out with is the clown, the big Mexican looking one is Taco Man, the short blonde one that hits people is Crab Ass, the short black haired chick is the gnome, the blonde one is Carlisle, and the redhead is the pineapple zebra."

The entire time I'm naming them off, he's sitting there laughing his ass off. Glad I can amuse _someone_.

Trying to regain his breath he asks, "H-how do you come up with these?"

"Mostly it's appearance based."

"So who am I?"

"Hm?"

"If you have a nickname for everyone, then who am I?"

I stare at him for a minute. "I don't have one for you."

He seems surprised. "Why not?"

I shrug. "I just don't. You're just special I guess."

He blushes slightly at that. I just smile at him.

Suddenly Boobzilla comes out and tries to convince us to play whatever game it was they dragged out. Ichigo was laughing the entire time. I assume it's because now every time he looks at his friends, he's going to think of my stupid nicknames for them. Oh well.

She somehow manages to get him to play, but I just sit by and watch. And somehow watching them laugh and play with each other (don't make that dirty) just kinda...made all my problems disappear.

I watched them play for a few hours until they decided that it wasn't fair to have Zan playing. He just laughed and headed into the kitchen. I assume to make food, just because he and Ichigo are freaks of nature that way.

I follow him in and watch as he starts pulling out food, pots, and pans. I've always wanted to watch him work his spooky kitchen magic. Seriously, even as a kid he was scary fast at making food. Hell, even popcorn was done half as fast than when a normal person made it.

"So I take it you two made up?" he asks, not stopping what he was doing.

"What?"

"You and Ichigo."

"Oh, uh...yeah."

He just smiled at me and continued what he was doing. We talked as he worked and I swear he's hiding his kitchen magic, because he finished the food in a normal amount of time. Asshole.

By the time nightfall had arrived, people were already leaving. I just headed back down to my bedroom. They were pretty good about locking up after themselves.

When I got to my room I found that Zan wasn't there. Well, I guess if he wanted the spare room he could have it. Or the couch...but that's not really all that comfortable.

As I lay in bed waiting for sleep to come, I heard the door open quietly. There was the shuffling of feet before I felt someone lay down next to me. And it definitely wasn't Zangetsu. There was only one other person it could be.

Ichigo.

"You don't mind do you?" he asked nervously.

Looking in his general direction I reply, "Mind what?"

"My laying here."

"No."

It sounded like he'd breathed a sigh of relief. He shifted a little closer, but it wasn't enough to make a huge difference. I don't know why he's so shy about stuff like this.

Shifting onto my side, I use the arm I'm not laying on to pull him against me. It's strange being this close to someone else in bed. With so few clothes on. Fuck.

Ichigo seemed tense at first, but soon relaxed.

There was a long silence before he asked, "Who was on the phone?"

It was my turn to tense. Did I really want him knowing about that? Doesn't seem like I have much choice, because my mouth has a mind of it's own. "My dad."

"I take it you're not close."

"He wants to be. I don't."

"Why?"

"He's not exactly...happy...with me."

"So...kinda like my dad..."

"Less violent, more drunk."

He doesn't say anything after that. Just hugs me tighter. Maybe it's a sympathetic kind of thing, like he knows how I feel. But there are some major differences. Like the fact that I don't have any siblings. And his father doesn't want to pretend to be the perfect family. Or pick up hookers as far as I know. But the touch was appreciated regardless. It feels nice to just lay here like this.

* * *

Mmmm...It's warm. And it smells kinda nice. I snuggle closer to whatever it is, hoping to get more of it when it shifts. Oh. Right. Ichigo...he'll live.

I lay like that for who knows how long before Zan opens the door tells me to get up. I really fucking hate school sometimes. I don't know why we have to sit in a building that nobody wants to be in. Not even the instructors. That's just sad.

Finally willing myself to get up, I shook Ichigo awake and searched around my room for something semi clean. Guess it was time to do the laundry again...

By the time any of us get out the door, we realize that if we don't hurry, we're going to be late. So we end up running to school. And missing Cirruci. Maybe being late wasn't so bad after all. Sure I'd see her all throughout the day, but I didn't have to see her first thing in the morning.

Ichigo followed me into our first hour class, talking about different ideas he had for his project. Mostly he wanted an opinion, but I didn't really care.

"Do you know what you're doing for your project?" he asked as we walked into the classroom.

"Nope."

He just chuckles as he takes his seat. Boobzilla seems surprised. She leans over to Frodo and asks, "Do you think he's ok?"

Frodo just rolls his eyes and continues doing...whatever it was he was doing.

When Cirruci found me after class, she immediately latched onto me and started rambling about...I don't even know anymore.

"Shiro!" she whines, tugging on my arm.

"What?"

"Zangetsu are saying you and Ichigo made up."

"And?"

"And? What do you mean and? He's gonna steal you away from me!"

"When was I ever yours?"

She smacks me and walks away. Damn. The girl had an arm on her. Why was I the only one that was ever on the receiving end of it? Why couldn't it be someone else for a change?

Most of the day proceeded in much the same way. Cirruci would try and pull some stupid stunt to try and get Ichigo away from me. It was actually pretty amusing considering that Crab Ass or Boobzilla would come in and try to stop her. It earned us some pretty weird looks, but it was totally worth it.

And of course (because it's just my luck) right as everything's going well, it all turns to shit. Because who would be waiting for me but my father, the last person in the world I ever wanted to see?

* * *

I feel like my chapters are getting shorter...I don't like it...oh well...I need to work on my other fics...DAMN YOU PLOT BUNNIES!

Credit goes to Redfaerie for helping me out. Other than that, there's nothing. But Thanks for reading.

By the way, I have given Redfaerie permission to rewrite this from Ichigo's point of view. It's being written as we speak. Check it out when it gets posted


	7. Chapter 7

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

You ever get the feeling that the world is out to get you? I mean really out to get you? I feel like that. All the time. Especially right now. Why is it that every time something good happens to me, something even shittier follows? My life is not nor should it ever be like Nana. Because today was great. I was having fun. I had Ichigo. And of course my father has to go and ruin it all.

It wasn't so bad when he would just call the house. I could ignore him, get on with my life. But no, he had to fucking show up at my house, with everyone around. In broad daylight no less, so I couldn't really turn him away.

Fuck my life. With a really sharp stick.

Zan is the first to notice me freeze. Looking up he finds my father and he stops too. Zan has to be the only one here that actually knows about him. Ichigo has the general idea that we don't exactly get along, but Zan knows all the details.

Ichigo seems to notice me stop and turns around to look at me. I must have been making a face because he looks surprised. Then he turns around to look at the flat. The smile he was wearing before fades and he turns back to look at me again. Now he looks concerned. I take a deep breath and shake my head. I may not want to deal with this, but I might as well get it over with.

As I walk up my father plasters a huge grin on his face, which isn't really all that attractive seeing as all the years of alcohol have rotted his teeth. Boobzilla doesn't seem to notice.

"Who's this?" she asks excitedly.

"I'm Shirosaki's father," he introduces, smile still in place, he shakes her hand.

"Oh! More family!"

Ichigo's hung back with me. I think I must have tensed or made a face because next thing I know he grabs my hand. It catches me by surprise and for a moment, all I can do is stare at him. But as it sinks in I can feel my features soften and my muscles relax. He just squeezes my hand.

"So, Shiro," my father cuts in. "I figured you were too busy to come visit me in person, so I thought I'd come down here instead. I hope you don't mind."

I almost screamed at him that I did mind. That he had fucked me up so bad that I never wanted anything to do with him again. I wanted to beat him senseless. Unfortunately that would get me nowhere but jail. I'd rather not end up in a place where I had to protect my ass at all times. "No," I replied.

I think Nel must have heard Boobzilla at some point and comes rushing to open the door. "Hey guys!" she says beaming. She too freezes at the sight before her.

My father merely smiles back. "Nel, how nice to see you again."

Before anyone has any chance to respond, Boobzilla's forcing us all through the door. Maybe she really is a lot stupider than I gave her credit for. Or maybe she's hoping to ease the tension. I vote the latter.

As soon as everyone's inside, he gives me this look. The one that says we need to talk in private. Which wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that all of our conversations end up with us yelling at each other. So even if we went into another room for privacy, eventually the conversation's going to be heard. One of the downsides to having people that insist on breaking into your house.

Sighing, I let go of Ichigo's hand and head down the hallway to my bedroom.

Closing the door behind us, I turn to face him, shutting myself off completely. "What do you want?"

"Shiro I-" he reaches for me and I must have flinched away because he pulls back. "I'm getting married."

You know those times where you try really hard to keep a straight face but you end up looking stupid instead? This is one of those times. I could feel my facial muscles contorting and I could do nothing but stare at him.

He was getting married? Like...with a church and everything? I've never in my life seen my father anywhere near a church. I always got this freak mental image that should he step past the doors, he'd burst into flames or turn into a really retarded looking demon and some priest would come bursting out with a shot gun to kill him...so anyways...

Snapping out of my thoughts, I tried really hard to get my mouth to work. "W-what?"

"I'm getting married," he reiterated.

I couldn't keep the surprised shock out of my voice. "To who?"

"Her name's Mila-Rose. I really think-"

I cut him off. I don't really care what he thinks. I'm just surprised there's anyone out there willing to marry him. And then I realized something. "What does this have to do with me?"

He hesitated before saying, "Mila-Rose thought it would be a good idea of you were to be best man. I agree with her, which is why I'm here. We want you to be part of the wedding. A big part. You are my son after all."

This man truly makes me speechless. "You want me to be best man?"

"Yes," he smiled. I know that smile. That's the smile that tells me it's all for him.

"No."

His smile fell, cold anger flickered across his face. It almost made me afraid. "Why not?"

"I keep telling you, I want nothing to do with you."

He sneers and replies, "It's one day. You can't come and be civilized for one day?"

"Why should I?" I respond, louder. Anger does that. It sucks.

"What do you mean why should you? You're my son for god's sake! I'm getting married and you can't even be civilized for a few hours!" Remember the yelling I was telling you about? This is it.

"Me? I can't be civilized? You were the one who threw me out! You were the one who told me you wanted nothing to do with me! I tried over and over to reconcile and you always threw it in my face! The only time you ever came around was when you wanted something! Fuck, you still do it! I sat through hours of your stupid charades, pretending to be the perfect little boy you always wanted! So don't fucking tell me I can't be civilized!"

And remember me telling you about all that drinking he did? He was ten times stronger when he was sober. I swear I almost feel lucky my neck didn't snap the moment he back-handed me. It stung like a bitch but there was no way in hell I was backing down. So I do the one thing he apparently wasn't expecting. I grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him in the crotch. Twice.

There was a loud thump as he hit the ground, and I'm pretty sure the slap he'd given me had been pretty loud too. Hahahaha, I don't think I've ever been bitch slapped before. I think my lip's bleeding.

Next thing I know, Nel and Zan come running in. I can see the relief on their faces at the sight of him down on the ground. They both reach down to haul him up before dragging him down the hall. Before they can get him out the door he gasps out, "Wait."

He manages to get a couple pieces out of his pocket and onto a table without completely falling over himself. Which, I must admit, is kinda disappointing. Though I have to admit, there is a huge amount of relief when they finally manage to get him out the door.

Picking up the paper, I find a picture with Mila-Rose scrawled across the back and a phone number. Scribbled beneath are the words _just talk to her_.

She seemed nice enough. She had some muscle on her too, which was kinda weird, but it didn't make her ugly. Not like those scary buff women that do nothing but work out. Seriously, when you can't see your feet, it's time to stop.

Sighing, I chuck the papers back onto the table before heading back to my room. As I close the door behind me, I can hear murmuring from the living room. We must have made quite the scene.

It wasn't late, but I was tired, so I stripped down to my boxers and lay down on the bed. You know what fate? Someone should stab you in the eye with a really hot french fry. You fucking deserve it.

I hadn't been there long when I heard the door open. It closed quietly soon after and I didn't have to look to know that Ichigo was there. He sat down next to me and opened what I assume to be a first aid kit.

He didn't say anything as he examined my cut lip, which I was grateful for. One thing I like about our relationship so far, we don't need to say anything to understand each other.

Setting the box aside, he lay down next to me and started stroking my hair. It felt...nice. I never really associated hair petting with people. I always thought it was kinda weird. Let's all wave goodbye to the bad opinion now.

We lay like that for who knows how long before I said, "I'm tired."

He didn't say anything, just kept running his fingers through my hair.

You ever been in a comfortable silence before? This was a hundred times better than that. I was tired and my face ached, my emotions shot so I didn't know what I felt. And Ichigo made it all go away. Kinda like that blankie everyone has as a kid...now I feel bad for comparing him to a blanket...

Not that he's ever gonna know.

I don't know how long we lay like that before he finally asked, "Is he always like that?"

I scoff, still staring at the ceiling. "You have no idea."

Silence. "What did he want this time?"

I almost didn't want to tell him, but I finally had someone to talk to. Why should I turn that away? "He's getting married." He stared at me. "He wanted me to be best man."

"And you were tired of pretending for him."

I sigh. "Yeah."

He settled himself at my side again. Wrapping my arm around his waist, I can feel him kiss my cheek. I stare at him in surprise. He just stares back and I couldn't help but laugh. Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

Fucking hell. Why does my head hurt so bad? And when the hell did I fall asleep? Fuck. I press the palm of my hand to my forehead, and I think I groaned because Ichigo shifted behind me and mumbled something about being ok.

"What time is it?"

More shuffling. "Two thirty."

I mumble fuck into the pillow so it comes out more as a groan than an actual word. Why can't I sleep like a normal person? I mean seriously, either I don't sleep at all or I wake up too fucking early. I swear my body does it as revenge for all the instant crap I eat. The headache was just an added bonus. Well fuck you too body...you know...now that I think about it, that's probably what it wants. Creepy thought. Moving on.

I start debating whether or not it's worth it to actually get up and get the ibuprofen. Probably not but I'm going to do it anyways. And you know how walking around with a headache is. Now try doing that while tired. It works even less. I end up stumbling over pretty much everything on the floor because somebody hates me that much.

I manage to get a glimpse down the hallway on the way to the bathroom and find that once again, Ichigo's little group is passed out in my living room. They might as well be living here. I should start charging rent.

I feel really lucky right now too. There are only two ibuprofen left. Take that you fucking headache! ...physical pain and me don't mix well.

Slipping back under the covers if ind Ichigo's gone back to sleep. It makes him look really...adorable. You know how people say that while asleep, you look defenseless? While that may be kinda true, mostly you look relaxed. Like nothing in the world can bother you. Which was great really, because that means I get to see Ichigo without his scowl for once. Sure he'd smile every now and then, but it wasn't the same.

guess I just learned something about myself. Apparently I like to watch people sleep. Ok, maybe not people in general. But I definitely like to watch Ichigo sleep. Even when he does start talking to himself. I hope he doesn't think I'm creepy...

Now the only problem is I want to watch him sleep which means that I won't get any sleep. Fuck it. As long as I'm getting something out of it, it's not quite so bad.

Not long after Soulja Boy starts playing from the nightstand behind me. He really should get that changed. Maybe I'll do that in the near future. Pick some better music. I bet he'd appreciate it. Hell, I know I would.

Ichigo mumbles and shifts beside me and tries to reach over me to get to his phone. It's not working so well. Finally he just groans and sits up to get it while mumbling to himself.

"Yeah?" he asks his phone. There was silence as the other person started talking. It was this tiny little voice in the background. "You know I can't."

I'm going to assume sister.

He sighs and falls back onto the bed, running his hand over his face. "I know. I'm sorry, but you know what happened last time. I can't risk that again. For both our sakes."

He talks to her like that for a little while longer before it all completely changes. So I take it the phone has changed hands. He argues for a little while, and I try to stay out of it, it's really none of my business. Kinda hard to do though, considering close quarters.

By the end of the conversation, he's more wound up than I had been when my father had shown up. He almost looks ready to cry, and all I can think to do is pull him against me.

"Fine," he says, hanging up. Turning to me he says, "I have to go home tomorrow."

He sounds so happy about it. I just raise a brow at him. "Dad wants me home and I...I can't say no." He starts to shake. "I don't want to go alone...I..."

"You want me to go with you."

He avoids my gaze but nods. "I understand if you don't want to go. I mean, sure we're going out, but god, we still hardly know each other. And it's not like you have any obligation to-"

"You're rambling," I cut him off.

He just stops and flushes. I chuckle at him. "If you really want me to, I will." He smiles. I poke his forehead and tell him, "Now go back to sleep."

* * *

You know what I hate? When you spend all day fretting about something and you can't focus on anything else. The art project is due in the next couple days and I still have an ass load of homework from my other classes. Hell, I can't even remember what tonight's homework is. Oh well. I'll ask someone else.

I don't even know why I'm nervous. Ok, scratch that, I didn't want to meet Ichigo's dad. From what I've heard, he's as big an asshole as my dad is. And I know he said I shouldn't feel obligated, but damn it, he's been helping me with all my shit, why shouldn't I return the favor?

Which wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that me and parents don't always go together real well. A lot of them don't like me. I can't imagine why.

Ichigo finds me after school, fidgeting like hell. It's kinda cute. And I'd be more appreciative if I wasn't feeling much the same way. But he starts walking and I follow close behind.

Most of the walk was spent in silence on our part. The rest of his little gang was trying to 'spy' on us. It wasn't really working considering the fact that they were only about five feet away and yelling at each other. I guess they'd given up on the spying thing...which I'm rather grateful for. I already have one stalker. I do not need a whole group of them.

By the time they realize we're headed to his house, most of them have dispersed. Taco Man was the only one left. Which is good I guess. I don't know much about Taco Man, so I don't really know how to react to him being around. I vote that it's a good thing though.

So, it turns out his dad owns a clinic. Odd. Well...at least his dad has a job I guess. Would have been nice to know before so you know, I wouldn't have had to deal with his being sick. Or anything else for that matter. How come I never knew there was a clinic this close? This would have been really useful after all those fights...

As we reach the door, someone comes flying out. Ichigo's automatic response is to kick him in the face. Wow. I think I like this family. Following him out is a small girl with light brown hair. Her face lights up the minute she sees Ichigo.

"Ichi-nii!" she screams, running up to hug her brother. It's weird. While I considered Zan my brother, we were never really touchy feely. So seeing this is kind of odd. Letting him go, she turns to me and smiles. "You must be a friend of Ichi-nii. I'm Yuzu."

She sticks out her hand and I shake it.

The man previously kicked down glances at me and surprise is clearly written across his face. So he's noticed that Ichigo's my Technicolor half too. I almost want to shout "Surprise!" but manage to refrain. Both for my sake and Ichigo's. Don't think it'll do any good to freak them out now.

He eyes me warily before sticking his hand out and introducing himself. "Kurosaki Isshin."

"Shirosaki Hichigo."

"Ah," the realization makes it's way across his face. This is a very animated family. "You're the one that took care of my son! Thank you!" He grabs me into a bear hug and I have to try really hard not to knee him off me.

"Uh...yeah," Ichigo's fidgeting beside us. He looks like he wants to run away. You and me both. His sister doesn't seem so bad, but his dad is definitely on something. I don't know what, but whatever it is, he needs to share. These last few days have been really shitty. Again, I thought college was about new beginnings...well...this definitely was new...

When he finally lets me go, I find that another little girl had come out. Ok, so she wasn't exactly little, but she was younger than me. She's little. She's definitely older that Yuzu and has black hair. She's very tomboyish. I think I'm going to like her.

Of course, she too seems surprised by my appearance. Fortunately, she's a little more subtle about it and just quirks a brow before turning to her brother. It's obvious they're close, especially with the amount of concern she's showing for him.

"So Ichigo," his father says. Ichigo flinches. "There's someone I'd like for you to meet."

He just nods. Everyone follows Isshin into the clinic, Ichigo and I coming up at the end of the little line. He's still fidgeting and I stroke the small of his back in an attempt to calm him down. It seems to work a little.

When we reach the living room, this petite young woman sitting on the couch stands up to greet us. "This is Ogawa Michiru. Remember her from high school? I ran into her at the grocery store."

Ichigo looks beyond surprised and I'm just not quite sure what to make of this. She's not ugly. She's got short brown hair a little longer than Yuzu's and she seems really shy. And because of her size, she's really not all that stick-like.

"Dad, what-?"

"I just thought it might be good to see some of your old friends again."

He still looks really confused. "Dad, I see most of them at school every day."

His dad leans a little closer and says, "She just seemed more your type."

Neither Ichigo nor myself could keep the surprise off our faces. What the hell? His dad was trying to set him up with someone else? I...don't even know what to say to that. Normally I'd just blow it off, but normally it's not happening to me. Do you think they have a dummy's guide for shit like this? I should go look for one.

Ogawa turns pink and starts playing with the hem of her shirt. The older of the sisters comes in and just kicks her father in the shin. He starts crying. To some large poster on the wall. Which is weird, because from what I've heard he's a child abusing bastard. Not...whatever this is...

When he finally manages to stand up again, he leaves, telling us to have fun.

Awkward silence ensues.

What do you say in a situation like this? Seriously. "So yeah, I'm the boyfriend of the guy you wanna date. That's not a problem right?" Because I really don't think she knows about us. Of course, it's not exactly like we're advertising it either.

Ogawa tries to break the ice a few times. And fails miserably. Every time she tries to make conversation, it just kind of dies away. I actually feel kinda bad for her. She has no idea what she's being set up against. I almost want to warn her that she's SOL in this situation, but I don't want to just suddenly announce our relationship with his dad in the house.

Fuck! I'm over thinking shit! Why?

I'm just about ready to shoot myself when Ichigo finally brings up a topic that goes somewhere. It's amazing really, I thought we'd end up sitting here for a few hours, seeing who would cave first. I'm pretty sure it would be me. Like I said. I don't like awkward situations. I don't handle them well.

And of course it just gets better and better. Because my phone goes off. Which is a normal occurrence, people have a tendency to call me every now and then. But the Stanky Leg song starts playing.

What the fuck? That's not the tone I had it set to. Oh, wait. Boobzilla must have messed with it when I wasn't looking. I'm going to have to change that later.

I'm not the only one surprised by the outburst either. Both Ogawa and Ichigo are staring at me. I give them a don't look at me look and walk out of the room to answer the call.

I don't recognize the number, so I stand there and let it ring. If they call back I'll answer. I get some really weird calls sometimes. Like the telemarketers asking me if I call people in France. What the fuck? I've never been to France and I don't have family living there, why are you calling me?

The song suddenly shuts off and the screen tells me I have a missed call (no this isn't going to turn into that stupid ass Japanese made American movie). I wait a minute longer and the phone rings again.

Damn it. I really don't want to be talking to strangers. Especially at a time like this.

Flipping my phone open, I ask (as pissed off as a can), "What?"

"Shirosaki?" What the fuck, a woman? It's not Harribel or anyone else from the bar for that matter. So who the hell is calling me and how do they know my name?

"Who the fuck are you?"

She laughs. "You have quite the mouth on you."

"Don't care. Who the fuck are you, how do you know my name, and why are you calling me."

"Because I'm going to be your new stepmother," she chirped happily. "It's me, Mila-Rose."

* * *

Again, thanks go out to Redfaerie for all her help.

The Nana comment at the beginning? It's a reference to a manga. Redfaerie told me about it. She said that for ever good thing that happened, something a hundred times worse followed. It was never happy for long so she left.


	8. Chapter 8

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

For the longest time all I could do was stare at my phone. I'm pretty sure one of Ichigo's sisters walked by at some point and gave me a funny look, but I really couldn't care less. How the fuck had Mila-Rose gotten a hold of my phone number?

Pretty soon I can hear her on the other end, asking if I'm still there. I'm tempted to just hang up and ignore her, but it's not like the situation back in Ichigo's living room is much better. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here."

"Oh, good. I was afraid you'd hung up on me," she said. She sounded far too happy.

"What do you want?" I ask. I don't want to have to talk to her longer than necessary. I haven't been on the phone two minutes and she sounds too happy and sweet. Annoying.

She huffed and replied, "I just wanted a chance to get to know my new stepson."

"Look. Now's really not the best time for this," I tell her, glancing back into the living room. "I'm...in the middle of something."

She laughs. It's high pitched and I have to pull the phone away from my ear before she does some permanent damage. "Why didn't you just say so, silly? When would be a good time to call back?"

"Not today," I reply, hanging up.

I walk back into the living room to find Ichigo and the hermit still talking. They seem to be having a good time. Glad to know _someone's _day isn't completely shot to hell. He glances my way and smiles. I just sigh and sit down next to him.

The hermit looks fairly concerned. "Are you alright?"

I try to fake a smile. I doubt it came out all that great. "It's been a long day ever since I got up."

She just gives me a sympathetic smile and starts fiddling with the hem of her skirt. I will give her that. She's not trying to shove herself into small amounts of clothing. She's not unattractive either. And I can't say from the few minutes I've known her that I hate her.

"Who was on the phone," Ichigo asks, trying to hide his concern.

I just shake my head. "Sales call."

Thankfully he takes the hint and drops it, turning back to the hermit. They start up their little conversation again and all I can do is watch while my thoughts starts to drift. Mostly to the subject of my new stepmother. Now that I've spoken to her, I'm not sure I actually want to meet her. What woman her age acts that way? Other than the ones locked up in someone's basement.

I fear the day she and I actually meet. But more importantly, how had she gotten a hold of my cell number? My father had my house number, but I'd never given him my cell. I hope to god I don't have another stalker. One is bad enough. Add in another one almost twice as old as I am? Ew.

I suppose I'll have to call her back though...damn it.

Suddenly there's a hand waving in front of my face. Again! Why? Ichigo's trying to get my attention and I just stare at him. "You were making faces again," was his only explanation. Great. Hermit must think I'm a freak now. The caring! It's metastasized!

...I think being in a clinic has fucked with my brain. I don't normally use that word.

I continue to stare at him and the hermit giggles. I glance at her and she flushes. "Sorry."

There's another awkward silence before she excuses herself. Something about needing the bathroom. I just stare after her as she makes her hasty exit. I can hear Ichigo trying not to laugh. I turn back to him and watch. I do like it better when he's not scowling.

Not so awkward silence follows before I ask, "So what do you want to do?"

He glances at me and starts fidgeting. He shrugs and says, "I don't know. She's nice and I don't want to lead her on, but what else can I do?"

"Talk to her." He flushes and scowls. I roll my eyes. "What's the worst she can do?"

"Go running to my father," he mumbles.

I can't help but laugh at that and he slaps my arm. "Does she really seem the type to do that?"

He pauses, eyebrows knitting together in thought. He really had to think about this? The girl practically worshiped him. You'd have to be blind to miss it. Finally he shakes his head.

"So what's the worst she can do?" He sighs. I gently grab his chin and urge him to look at me. "It doesn't matter to me what you do just as long as it's what you want."

He bites his lip. I can't tell if it's because he's thinking again or if it's our sudden closeness. Either way it leaves me with the sudden urge to kiss him. Though I doubt this is the place to do it. Especially considering his dad could be lurking around. He just strikes me as that kind of freak.

He nods just as the hermit comes back in. He starts wringing his hands together and shifting in his seat. Hermit looks at him funny and he just sighs before saying, "I should tell you something."

She tilts her head curiously. "What?"

Ichigo hesitates before finally replying, "I like you." Great way to start this conversation. "I really do. And under any other circumstances I would probably ask you out." She gets this really confused look on her face. "But I'm gay," he finally spits out, blushing.

The hermit looks between the two of us for a moment before she starts laughing. Ichigo looks mortified, but I just raise a brow at her. Didn't know sexual orientation was that hilarious.

When she finally manages to calm down she says, "I know." Now Ichigo looks surprised. "It wasn't hard to figure out with the way you act around him," she motions at me. Maybe it's just me and my obliviousness, but I didn't think it was all that obvious.

Apparently neither did Ichigo.

She smiles at him. "It really doesn't bother me. In fact, I'm seeing someone myself. But I'll make you a deal. You want your dad off your back and I want him to stop following me around asking what I think about you." He nods. "Then let's be a 'couple', just like he wants."

You know, that's actually not a bad idea. Based on the look on Ichigo's face, he doesn't quite get it. "What she means is you two will pretend to date while around your father, but outside of that you'll have your own lives."

Staring at her in surprise he asks, "Are-are you sure you're alright with that?"

Hermit nods. "I may not want it as badly as you do, but I do want your dad to stop..." she wrinkles her nose. "Bothering me."

Ichigo sighs and rubs at his forehead. "I'm really sorry about that. I swear he has no self control."

She chuckles before glancing at her watch. "Well, I have to get somewhere pretty soon, but your dad gave me your number, so I'll call you soon."

He smiles, stands up and hugs her. "Thank you," he whispers.

Hugging him back, she pats him on the arm before shaking my hand. Guess I didn't come off as the touchy feely type. Thank god. She waves goodbye and Ichigo is just about jumping for joy in his seat.

The minute the door closes, Ichigo's dad comes bounding in, shooting off a million questions a minute about how it went. I can't help but wonder if he ever breathes. He's shooting off so many questions I can't even remember half of them let alone think of how to answer. Fortunately his questions aren't aimed at me. And Ichigo is too happy to really care at the moment.

At some point his dad made the assumption that it went well (which it did. Just not in the way he'd have liked it to) and shuts up. I'm more than grateful and Ichigo just tells him there's somewhere we need to be. His dad starts crying again so it takes us another half hour to finally get out of the house.

So here's what I learned today: 1) I like Ichigo's sisters, 2) I like the hermit, 3) his dad scares the shit out of me.

The entire way back to my flat Ichigo's practically singing to himself. I swear if someone had started up any kind of music, he'd start dancing too. Good thing there are no nuns around.

By the time we actually reach my flat it's getting pretty late. And from outside I can hear his little group doing...whatever it is they're doing. Seriously, I should start charging rent.

Opening the door, everyone freezes. I swear they were waiting for us to walk through that door covered in blood. The minute they see we're alright there's a huge mob surrounding us. I manage to escape before getting crushed, Ichigo on the other hand...well...he's currently being bombarded with questions.

Zan comes out of nowhere and stands next to me. He's quiet a moment before asking, "So how'd it go?"

I couldn't help but smile. "His dad tried to set him up with one of his high school friends."

"Ouch. Really?"

"Yup. I think he'd be a little disappointed should he find out that the two of them are 'going out' to get him off their backs." He quirked a brow at me. "She's seeing someone too."

He nods in understanding and watches as Ichigo's group drags him to the couch to interrogate him further. He's trying to keep up with them, and doing pretty good job. I watch him a little while longer before heading to the kitchen. I'm hungry.

They end up interrogating him about an hour longer before it finally starts to subside. By that point I've eaten and I'm about ready to pass out. Ichigo looks about dead on his feet too.

Heading back towards my room, I close the door behind me and start to strip down. Laying back on the bed, I stare up at the ceiling, too tired at this point to move under the covers. Just as I'm dozing off I feel Ichigo settle in next to me.

I smile slightly to myself and pull him a little closer. He's warm enough I don't think I'll need blankets.

* * *

You ever wake up and just know it's going to be one of those days? That was this morning. There wasn't anything in particular that gave it away, I woke up just like I normally would (with the recent addition of Ichigo of course). But there was just that nagging feeling in the back of my skull, telling me the world was going to fuck me today. Without a kiss. Maybe I could get Ichigo to help make up for that…

I stared at my ceiling, waiting for my alarm to go off and wishing I could just stay in bed all day. Maybe save my ass for once. But of course the minute that stupid little clock goes off, I know it's too late.

Ichigo mumbles beside me and turns over, subconsciously reaching to shut off the alarm. Unfortunately he just ends up tossing his arm over my chest. He seems frustrated by the fact that the alarm is still going and scoots closer for a better shot.

By the time he actually reaches the damn thing, he's practically laying across me. Not that I mind, I rather like the close contact. I'm just not quite sure how he's going to react once he wakes up. Might as well enjoy it while I have it though.

Once he's awake enough to actually register anything that's going on, he just kinda stares at me before burying his face in my chest and mumbling something about not wanting to get up. Great minds think alike…ok, so our minds might not be all that great, but you get the point.

I sigh and nudge him, trying to convince both of us to get up. He's still mumbling, but he gets up anyways. It's mornings like this that the memories of Harribel and her stick come in handy. That and the fact that Zan comes in a minute later, complaining about how we'll be late if we don't get up soon.

I make faces at him. He just rolls his eyes as Ichigo laughs.

When I finally manage to drag my lazy ass out of bed and into the kitchen, I find that an ass load of food had been put out and Ichigo's group has already set out to devour the bulk of it. I manage to fight my way through them and find something to eat before it all completely disappears. These people eat too damn much.

It's times like these when I miss just having the place to myself. No one to clean up after and more food survived the week. I swear, pretty soon I'll be living off of nothing but rations…now that I think about it…I think a relative of mine once gave me food stamps for my birthday. I wonder what I did with those…

Some argument breaks out amongst the group and Cirruci somehow ends up passed out under the table. And it's times like these that I'm glad I know these people. They know how to control that beast of a woman. Something I could never hope to accomplish.

Not that I have a problem hitting girls. I just happen to know which fights I can and cannot win. And although I'm pretty sure I could take Cirruci out, it wouldn't be without injury to myself. I'd rather avoid that. I like my body. Even if it seems to hate me.

Unfortunately I don't even get to finish eating before Zan's ushering everybody out the door and to school. He'd make such a great mom. Kinda makes me wonder what his girlfriend's like.

Ichigo ends up talking with Frodo on the way to school, something about one of their classes. And everything seems to be going good until his phone rings.

He glances at the caller id before picking up, and from the sound of it I assume it to be his dad. He talks to him for a minute before glancing at me. I just quirk a brow as he continues the conversation. I've already got a really bad feeling about this. I feel like I should be looking out for Godzilla.

Ok, not really. But it feels like something just as bad is on its way. I'd rather not be Tokyo. I like all my organs and limbs just the way they are.

Falling behind the group just enough to give us room to talk, he tells me, "My dad's trying to set us up on a double date. He says he think he found someone you'd be interested in. A friend of Ogawa." I give him a blank stare. Have I mentioned I don't do names well? "The girl I'm 'dating'."

Ah, the hermit. I nod and he looks at me for a long moment. "What?"

"Nickname?" Wow. I've never had someone curious about how I labeled people before. It's weird. I hope I'm not corrupting him…I don't need him going around repeating these to anybody.

"Hermit."

He scrunches his nose up. "Like…the crab?"

"Well, she's not exactly outgoing."

"True," he concedes after a moment. "But you say hermit and I think Kermit the frog."

I give him this weird look. How the fuck had he gone from a crab to a talking frog on crack? You know what, never mind. I don't want to know. I like Ichigo. I do. It just scares me sometimes how his mind works.

"So…the double date…" he asks hesitantly. I don't know why. Am I really that difficult to talk to?

"As long as I don't have to put on anything remotely nice, we're good."

He chuckles before asking, "Are you sure? You really don't have to-"

I roll my eyes. "If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have said anything."

He watches me a moment longer before nodding. "I'll make it up to you."

Make it up to me? Why the hell was he going to make it up to me? It's not like I'm being forced into this or anything. Of course, having met his dad, I'm not so sure he would take no for an answer. Besides, it could be fun. (I refuse to say it could be worse, the universe takes it as a personal challenge. And as much as it's fucked up my life, the universe is not something I'd like to take on….sober…)

Looking back at me he asks, "How about a movie?"

Movie…as in…our own date? That could certainly be interesting. But if he'd wanted to go out, why didn't he just say something? Chuckling I grab his hand, "If you wanted me to take you out, all you had to do was ask."

He flushes bright red and looks away, trying to deny it. He's so cute when he's flustered.

But I like the fact that he's still holding my hand. Tell me how mushy and cute this is and I'll bash your skull in. I just happen to like having some hold on him. Even better is the fact that he won't shy away from me in public. You have no idea how weird it is to be out and dating someone so far in the closet, they're in Narnia. I hope they learn how to defend themselves.

Coming up on the school, the bulk of the group heads their separate ways as the rest of us head for the art room. That drawing is due tomorrow. I should probably figure something out.

It isn't until we reach the door of the classroom that I let his hand go. Along the way, though, I'd noticed all the strange looks we'd been getting. Now that I think about it, I hope no one assumed incest. That might be just a tad bit awkward.

Taking our seats, the instructor starts rambling on about something or other. Boobzilla, Frodo, and the Ditz are all passing notes back and forth to each other. They're so bad at subtle it's a wonder they haven't been caught yet.

Ichigo on the other hand, has his sketch book out. Glancing over I find him trying to figure out what he's going to do. I am so glad his mind isn't as fucked up as mine is. If it was, I'd probably end up as some freak transsexual cat. Female Shirosaki is not such a pretty image. At least, not coming from my mind.

I continue to watch him work for a while, completely caught off guard when the instructor calls my name. Holy shit, did I do something wrong? Ok, probably. He sends me off to the front office and Ichigo looks concerned. I discreetly run my hand over his shoulder on my way out.

The entire way to the main building I can't help but wonder what I'd done. Because now that I thought about it, I'd been pretty good about staying out of trouble so far. And nothing in the office tips me off either. It's only when I talk to the woman behind the desk that the horror of the day begins.

She gives me this really sympathetic look, telling me how sorry she is as she motions for someone behind me. By now I'm pretty sure the universe has a thing for just popping people into my life. I don't even get fair warning. It's like being hit in the back of the head by a ball. Only less painful.

Because who should be here but (drum roll please) Mila-Rose. Which I believe should have been the end of the surprise, but I don't ever get a choice in the matter. Not only is she here, but she's been crying. Crying plus emotional retard equals…I don't even know. But whatever it is it's not good.

Immediately she starts bawling again, pulling me into a tight embrace. One, ouch. Two, what the fuck. Still crying she starts saying something about how my grandfather is dead. Which is odd because if he was, I seriously doubt she'd be the one to tell me. My father would use it as an excuse for me to come back for a while.

She starts dragging me out the door and towards her car, crying the whole way. The lady behind the desk still looks sympathetic.

The minute we make it inside the car, the crying stops, she wipes the tears off her face and smiles at me. Now I'm really confused. What the fuck just happened? "Ok, the last time I checked, my grandfather was alive and well and coming back from Vegas after winning a jackpot. What exactly just happened?"

She laughs and suddenly I know who she reminds me of. Princess Lolly from Candyland. Too happy and too damn sweet. She's going to be one of those people I avoid at all costs. Or take in small doses if necessary. Now she sounds like a drug…like she could be some freak spinoff of ecstasy.

"I just got you out of school," she replies, more than happy with herself. "I really wanted to spend time with you and get to know my new stepson."

"And you couldn't wait until the weekend? Or some other time I didn't have school?"

She shook her head, smile still plastered on her face. "Nope. We've been so busy planning that I've hardly had time to do anything. Today was the only day I had off. So," she turns in her seat so she's facing me. "Now that I'm finally here in person, I'm Mila-Rose."

And I'm scared shitless. Not that she needs to know.

"Shirosaki." I wonder if I could make a break for it and run. Ok, probably not. Considering all the shit that's happened lately, it wouldn't surprise me if she knew where I live. The universe needs to get off my back and get laid.

She stares at me expectantly. She wanted more? I'm not sure how much I want to tell her so I stay quiet. She sighs exasperatedly. "Come on, give me something. Hobbies? Sports? Extra curricular activities?" Don't really have any of those. No I don't consider my drawing a hobby. "Are you dating anybody?"

"Yeah."

Again she waits expectantly. "Well?" she asks eagerly. "Who is she?"

"He," I correct her.

She stares at me for a moment. "You're gay?" I nod. She gushes, "That's so cute!" I didn't know being gay was cute. Was I missing something? Is this another part of the normalcy I'm missing? Because if it is, I'm glad I'm not normal. "Is he cute? Is he nice? What's he look like?"

Why do people always assume that just because someone's gay, they tend to revert to their 'feminine side'? I don't think I have a feminine side. If I do she's a real bitch and probably what's been kicking my ass the last few years whenever I tried to throw a pity party. I like her already.

I shrug. I don't want to give anything about him away just yet. I'm not sure he should be subjected to her quite yet. I'm not sure anyone but my father should ever be subjected to her. Too much energy in too little space. "He's nice."

She pouts and all I can think is: at least she doesn't look constipated. "You're not very talkative are you?"

"What gave you that idea?"

She sticks her tongue out at me and I'm not quite sure what to think. Princess Lolly really does suit her. She's like a four year old. I wonder if I can distract her with CSPAN and candy.

Suddenly my phone vibrates. It's a text from Ichigo asking what happened. I just tell him my four year old stepmother is having a fit.

"Who's that?" she asks, leaning over to try and get a glance at my phone.

"Ichigo." In reply he sends me: _Your stepmother is here?_

_Yeah. And you are so lucky you don't have to sit here and talk to her. _

"Who's Ichigo?" _Oh, come on. She can't be that bad. _

"My boyfriend." _You have no idea. _

She immediately brightens up. "Tell him I said hi!" she waves at my phone and I add, _Princess Lolly says hi. _

She seems satisfied as she settles back into her seat. I prompt her to talk about the wedding. Great thing about women: they like to talk. Granted not all women are like this, but a good chunk of them are. Fortunately, she's one of them. She starts blathering on and on about it. Now I can pretend I'm listening while talking to Ichigo.

_Candyland?_

_Should you ever meet her, you would understand. Please kill me now. _

I waited a while longer this time. Time seemed to go by agonizingly slowly as she talked about all the people she would have to call and talk to and all the problems she would have to fix. I never understood why women went to such extents for a wedding. Wasn't it enough that you were going to spend the rest of your life with this person? Why did it matter how it happened?

When I finally did get a message, it definitely wasn't what I was expecting.

_But then who would keep me warm at night?_

Cheesy? Incredibly so. I could just see Ichigo turning bright red at having sent a message like that. But something about that message made my day seem…better. I'm turning sappy. I don't like it.

But he was right. And I have to admit that I'd definitely miss sleeping next to him at night. Being able to watch him (I'm really not creepy). I felt this sudden irrational urge to have him next to me so I can hug him. I swear to god if anyone ever learns about this, someone's not going to be happy.

Suddenly there's a hand in front of my face. Glancing up, I find Princess Lolly trying to get my attention. "You've been staring at that thing for a _really _long time. Everything ok?" Gee, she sounds so concerned. I just wave her off.

I almost hate myself when I suddenly feel eager to see him again. This whole emotion thing is really fucking weird.

* * *

I don't even know if anything needs to be mentioned, if it does...maybe I'll catch it later and fix it. I'm now braindead. Gonna go keel over and die.


	9. Chapter 9

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

The rest of the actual conversation with her wasn't bad. Mostly she was excited about the wedding and couldn't seem to stop the flow of words spilling out of her mouth. Kinda like vomit.

…On second thought, that's disgusting. Moving on.

But overall I think I could have gone home unscarred. Until she decided she didn't like what I was wearing. Why? There's nothing wrong with it. It never did anything to her. It's comfortable. What's wrong with that?

A lot apparently. She ended up dragging me through the entire mall and buying out half the stores. I'm not gonna have room for half the shit she got me. Even _if _I decide to get rid of all my current clothing. And I swear we got some really weird looks from the people running the registers.

It's not beyond the realm of possibility that she could be a cougar, but I'm not stupid enough or desperate enough to fall for something like that.

When she tries to offer me a ride home, I do my best to deny her. But she ends up pointing out all the useless shit she bought me. I guess I could try to turn it down again…I doubt I could win that fight though. She'd probably start crying. I don't handle crying well.

Damn it. I don't need any more people knowing where I live.

By the time we make it back to my flat, the circus had already made their way there and were currently trying to pick the lock to my front door. I should just have another key made so they don't fuck up my door. It would be cheaper than replacing a doorknob…

Princess Lolly looks rather confused as she parks, and even more so when I go to meet them. Yeah…a spare key would be really good. I don't need people calling the cops on my house. And I'm not bailing anyone out of jail.

Boobzilla lights up the minute she sees me and Zan opens the door. People start piling in with Princess Lolly following close behind with the ass load of bags she got in the mall. She better not dump that shit in my room. I'd really like to be able to go to sleep tonight without having to hunt down my bed.

Mostly other people look confused by her, but Ichigo manages to figure it out quick enough. Though I think I can speak for all of us when I say I'm terrified by the number of bags she's bringing in. I don't remember buying that much…where's she getting it all? A black hole? Bottomless pit? Either way it needs to stop. There's not _that _much room in here.

Zan gives me a funny look and I mouth "stepmother" at him. He cringes. Good to know I'm not the only one she scares.

When she finally stops bringing in bags, she nods in satisfaction. Looking around the room, she seems to remember she's not alone and smiles at everybody before giggling. "Hi, I'm Mila-Rose!"

Immediately introductions begin and she's still smiling at everybody. The guys do realize she's almost twice as old as they are right? Right?

Ichigo makes his way over to me while still staring at her. He's got this weird look on his face. Like he's trying not to judge her but she's just too horrifying. Better than me I guess. At least he's actually trying.

"I told you she was terrifying."

He scowls and I chuckle at him. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder I pull him closer. He relaxes a little bit but the scowl doesn't disappear. Soon after he starts fidgeting. I quirk a brow at him in question.

His scowl deepens. "The double date."

Shit. That's right. I have to go play nice with some strange chick. Kinda makes me feel like a cheap club host…Ok, I shouldn't say cheap. I have a feeling the movie'll make up for whatever I'll be sitting through tonight.

I must have made another face because Ichigo elbows me with a frown on his face. "What's that look for."

I smirk and hug him closer. "Aw, no need to be jealous," he flushes bright red. "Just thinking about my movie date." His blush deepens and he looks away. I chuckle. "So when are we supposed to meet our dates?"

He sighs. "Dad said to meet back at the clinic about seven."

"He say where we're going?"

Ichigo shakes his head, both of us watching as Princess Lolly bids everyone adieu (finally). Cool. Now I have an excuse not to look nice when we go out. Not that it matters. I probably would have made something up anyways. Me plus nice clothing equals monkey in a suit. Suddenly not so attractive, huh.

As soon as the door closes everybody gives me a what-the-fuck look. I just shrug. I mean seriously, how do you explain something like her?

Ichigo looks around at the bags before looking back at me. "Do I even want to know about all this?"

"Probably not."

There's a short pause before he says, "I'm going to ask anyways."

I smirk at him. "Apparently my wardrobe did something to offend her."

He looks down at my clothes and just stares at them for a minute. Eyebrows knitting together in confusion he asks, "How?"

I shrug. He frowns but says nothing else about it.

Over the next hour he ends up helping me move all the bags to one closet or another. I really don't want to sort everything out and put it away. I don't even think I know what half of it is let alone where to put it. Almost makes me wish I had a Narnia closet. Almost.

At some point he starts digging through some of the bags. Some he gives a funny look, others he looks at almost appreciatively. I do hope he knows I'm not a doll. I don't want him dressing me up. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself...though I guess it's better than having Princess Lolly doing it...or Boobzilla...or the ditz...

Barbie issues aside, I'm afraid of the kind of person Ichigo's dad has picked for me to play nice with. For all I know it could be another Cirruci. Which is the last thing I need. I have enough stalkers as it is. Any more and I think I might loose it. What little of it there is.

With nothing else to do, I think I'll sit here and freak out about the date for the next few hours. Or...you know...not. I'm not really all that concerned about my first impression. If she doesn't like me, then all that means is there's one more person I don't have to pretend around. Hooray for not pretending. It's probably bad for your health or something.

Well, I'm screwed anyways, a few more health problems couldn't do that much harm.

There's suddenly something latched onto my arm. My first thought is Cirruci, but it doesn't feel like someone's trying to break my arm off. Turns out to be Ichigo. He looks absolutely horrified. I sigh and free my arm to wrap it around his shoulder.

That is what you're supposed to do right?...Right?

Well, he doesn't seem to mind, so I guess it's not that big a deal. He just huddles closer to my spot on the bed and for a long time neither of us says anything.

He finally mumbles, "I don't wanna go."

I fight back a smirk and reply, "Yeah, well at least you know who you're going with. For all I know I could be 'dating' another Cirruci." He chuckles at that. "So not funny."

"Yeah, it kinda is."

I frown at him and he tries to hide a smile. He's failing miserably but he's smiling so it's not quite so bad. He hugs me and we both fall back on the mattress. I really hope nobody walks in. Knowing his group, we'd get so much shit if they thought we were screwing.

He just settles closer and yawns. As a matter of fact, a nap sounds fucking amazing at this point. We'll be up in time for the date. Even if we don't wake up by ourselves Zan will come in and beat our asses out the door.

Damn it.

* * *

I'm being shaken awake. I don't like it. I like it even less when whoever it is smacks me. Out of pure instinct I smack them back. Good thing it was only Zan and I didn't hit him hard.

"Get your lazy ass up. You've got about an hour before you have to meet your dates at the clinic."

I almost want to whine at him. Almost. I may be emotionally retarded, but I'm not mentally so. Big difference. For one I can wipe my own ass. No offense, but I don't want someone else's hand anywhere near there. And I'm really not comfortable having someone else in the room watching me take a shit. How weird is that?

So I mumble at him instead and he walks out. I lay there for a minute before I sit up. Ichigo's still asleep so I reach over and shake him awake. He does whine. In a weird way it's kinda cute.

"Up. We've got an hour."

He mumbles something into the mattress before sitting up as well. His hair does the same thing mine does. It lays flat on one side and sticks up on the other. I run my fingers through it to try and get it about even. It only half works and he bats my hand away.

I roll my eyes at him, stand up and stretch. Where the hell did my pants go? Ichigo seems confused by this too. They're at the end of the bed so I must have somehow managed to get out of them in my sleep. I've never done that before. Is it even possible? Sleep stripper? I hope I haven't been sleepwalking anywhere weird...

Pulling my pants back on I pull Ichigo up with me and we both head out into the living room. Half the group is gone by now and the rest look like they're getting ready to leave. We end up talking to a couple people before leaving to head over to the clinic.

Is this like a job? Can I call in sick?

Too late now anyways, I guess. We're already out the door and on the way there.

Most of the walk is spent in silence, Ichigo fidgeting and me trying to think of a way out of it. I don't manage to come up with anything that would work...or that was legal...so it looks like we'll be facing who knows what whether we like it or not.

About a block from the clinic he stops. Confused, I stop with him and just stare. He fidgets a minute more, worrying his lip before he quickly places them against mine. When he pulls away he's turned bright red.

Still confused and now surprised, I keep staring at him. He doesn't say anything, just walks up to the clinic. I follow him, still somewhat dazed. I'm not complaining, I just want to know what brought it on. Maybe I'll ask him later.

Inside the clinic we're met by Ichigo's dad, the hermit, and some chick with long black hair. She looks real happy to be here. My first thought was the grudge. Hey, maybe we can convince Ichigo's dad that none of us want to be here and he'll let us go home.

Ok, probably not, but it was a nice thought, no?

The hermit smiles at us and his dad starts ranting about...I don't even want to know. Grudge chick looks surprised by the whole twin thing. But only for a second. Then she goes back to being grudge lady.

When his dad finally seems to remember we're here (maybe we could have snuck off without him noticing...), he finally introduces grudge lady. "This," he says motioning to her, "is Kunieda Ryo. And this," he says motioning to me, "is Shirosaki Hichigo."

She nods her head at me. I can't tell if that's good or bad...and I don't really care, I just never really understood the gesture when you were being introduced. Hi? Nice to meet you? Go fuck yourself?

We all end up listening to some long rant about what not to do while we were out. The only part of that conversation I heard was that at some point he'd given Ichigo a sexual assault whistle. Apparently it has a light attached. Somebody actually mass produced these? And made money off of them?

The rest of the list went over my head. Mostly because it was common sense. That and considering my childhood, I highly doubt we'll have any real problems.

When he finally hustled us all into the car, Ichigo and the hermit are fidgeting like hell. Grudge lady's just staring out the window. I'm staring at everybody in the car. I can't wait for the night to be over.

By the time we make it to the restaurant I'm surprised Ichigo hasn't worn a hole in his pants from wiping his hands on them. His dad ushers us in and the waiter gets us our table.

The first five minutes were extremely awkward. No one says anything. Mostly it's everybody looking at their menus. The waiter comes back (probably our age and way to fucking happy), takes our orders and leaves.

At some point, Ichigo and the hermit magically start up conversation. I have no idea what they're talking about, nor do I care. Grudge lady ends up pulling out a book. Ok, one, where the fuck did she hide the damn thing? She doesn't have a bag, and she doesn't have pockets. What the hell? And two, why didn't I think of that?

Then I notice the book she has. City of Bones.

I've learned something about myself recently. Apparently I'm a very animated person. Everybody at the table seems to notice. Grudge lady just looks at me questioningly.

"It was a crappy book."

She looks down at her book and then back up at me. "I like it just fine."

"That's because you're only about half way through it. You haven't reached the freak twist or all the whining yet."

She arches a brow. "For twenty pages somebody will say something and somebody else will whine that they're lying, that it can't be true. It took me two days to get through it."

She thinks about it for a moment. "Was the end worth it?"

"No."

She wrinkles her nose and puts the book down. Damn. That's the first time anyone's taken my advice on a book...Ichigo doesn't count. But I've learned something. She likes books. I can work with that. Maybe this won't be a complete disaster. And if it is, I have full rights to blame Godzilla.

"Then what would you suggest?"

Anything not by that author. "Dresden Files. Need. Dark-Hunter series. Anything by Beth Fantaskey." As soon as I mention the Dark-Hunter series she tries to hide a smile. "What?"

"You read romance novels?"

"And?"

"I've just never met a guy that's admitted to something like that."

I shrug. "I'm not exactly normal."

She hums thoughtfully at that and conversation picks up. We end up talking about almost every damn book on the planet. She's not as creepy as she first appears. Good to know. Got a good sense of humor too. Meaning she doesn't run screaming when I make a joke. Again, Ichigo doesn't count. He's special. He doesn't get lumped together with everybody else.

When our food arrives, I notice conversation has become scarce at the other end of the table. I'd offer to help with that...ok, no I wouldn't. I'm not even the right person to ask. They're on their own.

About halfway through dinner, I notice Ichigo glancing over at me every once in a while. I bet he wishes his middle name was subtlety. It might make him feel better about not being able to be discreet.

All conversation is halted when the hermit says she's not feeling well. Everyone's attention turns to her and she glances up at us apologetically before giving this weird look to Ichigo. Probably whatever pain she's got getting worse.

Ichigo suddenly gets up, pulling me with him. Grudge lady looks about half as confused as I feel. He makes a beeline for the bathroom with me stumbling behind him. Fortunately there's no one in there when he comes bursting in. I think it might scare the shit out of whoever was in there. Good thing it's a bathroom in that case.

Still confused I ask, "Why are we in a bathroom? I thought only girls went to the bathroom together. Seriously, I don't even know any gay guys that do this." Confusion tends to push out the first thing that comes to mind. Lovely how my mind works, isn't it?

He's fidgeting again. I reach out to pull his hands away from each other. I figure it's kinda like marriage. You may love each other to fucking pieces, but you still need time apart occasionally.

He refuses to look at me. "Ichigo?" Nothing. "Ichigo." Still nothing. "Talk to me?"

He bites his lip and pulls away. And all I can do is stand there like an idiot. Not that great a feeling. I'd really like to avoid it as much as possible.

There's a long silence before he sighs and says, "She seems nice."

I blink, even more confused. "Who? Grudge lady?"

He half smiles. "Yeah."

Shrug. "She's alright."

His eyebrows knit together as he thinks. "Think she'll go for the same act Ogawa and I have going?"

Thinking about it, I'm not quite sure. She doesn't seem like she'd mind, but then again it's hard to get a good reading on her. "Maybe."

Again there's a long silence. And our tiny little conversation has solved nothing. I'm more confused than when I first came in here. That just shouldn't happen. "Ichigo, what's this really about?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. I just thought she seemed kinda in to you and was wondering if she'd be up to the whole act."

Wait...she seemed kinda...in to me? As in she likes me? I got the the whole I like you as a friend vibe off of her, what the hell was he getting? And more importantly, did he seriously think I'd just out of nowhere turn straight? Was that even possible?

I couldn't help but laugh. He flushes bright red and scowls. "Fine, forget I said anything," he replies, trying to push past me and out the door. I grab him and pull him to me before he can make it two feet past me.

For the next minute or two I try to kill my laughter in his shoulder. It doesn't work like I'd hoped. When I finally manage to get enough air to think I kiss him, smile refusing to leave. He's frowning now. "No woman in the world could ever turn me straight."

He flushes again. "I know."

I roll my eyes. "Obviously. I spent the last...four years identifying myself as gay. I agreed to date you because I like you. You're adorable." he scowls a that. "What made you think that would change?"

His scowl keeps it's place and he again refuses to look at me before mumbling something.

"What?"

"You just...had a lot in common. And really seemed to like each other."

"I was getting the I-like-you-as-a-friend vibe. What were you getting?" I ask, still a little confused about that part.

He shakes his head but I refuse to let him go. "Come on, let's just get back to the table."

"Not until you tell me."

Trying to pull away he replies, "No. It's stupid and they're waiting for us."

"Well it's not like they're going anywhere." He scowls at that and struggles harder to get out of my grip. I just chuckle and hold him tighter. He starts cursing before he finally stops.

"She just..." he sighs, "it looked like she kept leaning in closer. Maybe I'm just reading into it too much."

I grab one of his hands. "You are. And even if you're not, it's not going anywhere. Now let's go."

He half smiles at me before heading back out into the restaurant, dropping my hand half way there. When we make it back I happen to notice that the hermit is feeling much better. What is with the people around here? They never seem to stay sick very long. Did I miss some freak vaccine or am I just the odd one out? Not that it's that big a deal, it's just...weird.

The hermit smiles at us as we take our seats again and grudge lady just kinda watches us. Fortunately nothing seems amiss and conversation picks up again. Something involving all of us though I don't remember what.

Ichigo and I end up paying for everything and we all walk outside to wait for his dad to show up. Which isn't so bad until we all pile up in the car. His dad's bouncing around in the front seat like a three year old with too much sugar. Or a hobo on crack. Either way it's weird.

Somehow we end up completely skipping the whole "Guess what? We're gay!" speech. I have no idea if that's good or not, but I'm rather glad I don't have to deal with it at the moment. I can only handle one emotional...thing...at a time. So the bouncing around is weirding me out a little more than it normally would.

He makes sure to take the quickest way to the girls' houses before taking us back to the clinic. Remember last time when he fired off a hundred words a minute without breathing? Imagine that on fast forward. That's what he sounds like right now. I really don't even have time to process anything he's saying.

It takes him a few minutes, but I think the blank stare might have finally tipped him off and he starts slowing down. I try to answer the questions as he asks them, but fail miserably. Nel I am not. Nor do I ever want to be. That's weird. And I don't think I could handle the emotional shit. Or the boobs. I wouldn't know what the hell to do with them. They'd just be in the way.

But anyways, he seems more than happy that someone he's set up has hit it off. I almost want to tell him it was terrible, just to deflate his ego a little. Unfortunately we kinda need this whole little act with grudge lady. Even if she doesn't know about it yet.

The night just gets better and better when ends up talking my ear off for the next couple hours. Ichigo finally manages to somehow get us out the front door and halfway down the street, which I am more than thankful for. It's gotten pretty late by this point and I'm tired, so conversation on the way back just...doesn't happen.

We manage to stumble into the flat before eleven. I don't know why it matters seeing as it's Friday. But somewhere in my mind it matters and I'm tired enough not to complain.

Locking the door behind me, I follow Ichigo down the hallway and into my room, stumbling over everything in the damn place on my way there. Normally I could navigate no problem. Why me and tired don't work well in the dark.

When I finally make it into the bedroom, Ichigo's collapsed on the bed and out cold. Didn't even bother taking off his shoes. Again, for some weird reason it matters. I reach down and pull them off before striping down and laying beside him. He's really fucking warm.

* * *

Ok, for the last chapter, I got two or three reviews telling me I was epic. What the hell? Why am I epic? Why can't I just be me?

None of the books or authors mentioned are mine, and grudge lady courtesy of Redfaerie (who for some reason really really liked City of Bones).


	10. Chapter 10

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

Somebody put me out of my misery now. I feel like a woman. I'm standing in front of a mirror trying to decide what to wear to a fucking movie date. Fuck. Screw it. I'm just going to throw on some jeans and a shirt and if it's not up to standard, the worst that could happen is I'd have to change.

Ichigo comes in as I'm puting on my shoes. He stares at me for a minute before shaking his head and grabbing his phone off the night stand. He glances back at me before asking, "You ready?"

I can't help but smirk up at him. "Eager?" He flushes bright red but says nothing. I chuckle, pick up my wallet and my phone and motion for him to lead the way.

Most of his group watches us go off, most telling us to have fun. What did they think was going to happen? It's a movie. The worst that could happen is it ends up being a shitty movie, and even then it probably wounldn't be hard to find some way to mock it. Seriously, did anybody see the sixth Harry Potter movie? The scene where Snape takes Malfoy out into the hallway will forever be refered to as the rape scene.

The movie theatre isn't all that far away so we end up walking. Which was actually kinda nice, just to be out when it's not so hot.

We end up talking the entire way there. That's one of the things I like about Ichigo, we never really seem to run out of things to talk about. Which is great because then we don't have to sit there in that weird awkward silence where no one can figure out what to say.

As we approach the theatre I ask him what he wants to see. He stares at me blankly for a minute before looking up at the list. He does that thing where his eyebrows furrow and all I can do is stare at him. I don't think he realizes how cute that is...

I should probably stop staring now...don't want him to think I'm too creepy. That would be breaking the seme code of conduct.

He shakes his head and says, "It doesn't matter to me."

I quirk a brow at that. "I'm the one paying, you get to pick the movie."

This shocked look takes over his face, "What? Who decided that?"

I smirk at him. "You may have admitted that you like me first, but technically _I _asked _you _out."

He scowls at that. "Can I at least-"

"No." I have absolutely no idea what he was about to ask, but it probably had something to do with chipping in for the expenses. I may be emotionally retarded but I'm not stupid. I know how dates work.

He scowls at me and starts mumbling to himself and I just smirk at him. We stand there for a few minutes before he finally concedes and we get our movie tickets. Once inside I have to fight him again about paying for food. That's my job. Back off.

The entire way to our seats he pouts. I doubt he'd ever admit it, but he was pouting and it was...kinda cute. I just can't help but smile at him.

I finally manage to get conversation started while we're waiting for the movie, and soon he's once again in a better mood. I knew he'd get over it. Besides, if it bothers him that much, he can help pay the next time we go out. Maybe.

By the time the movie starts he's almost smiling. I wasn't really paying attention when we got tickets so I don't remember what we came to see, but it doesn't really matter either. I'm only half paying attention anyways. Turns out to be some 'horror' movie. Only because it's hard to find a good horror movie anymore.

I mean seriously, how stupid can you be? Most of this shit is common sense. There's a murderer running around, there's screaming coming from down the hall, get the fuck out of the building. It isn't fight or flight yet, run the fuck away. If your friends aren't smart enough to do the same, they deserve to die.

What surprises me the most is that the theatre is almost completely full. I would say that meant it was a good movie, but most people nowadays have poor judgement. So I'll go with it's probably not complete shit.

Not ten minutes into the movie they try to get everybody with a jump scare. Cheap bastards. Most people fall for it, and I can feel Ichigo flinch beside me. I almost laughed because the guy looks like a hobo. Why you should never bring me to horror movies: I laugh at the most inappropriate times.

I end up spending most of the time trying not to do just that, and throughout the movie I notice Ichigo inching towards me more and more. I just roll my eyes at him before wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him to me. He jumps before looking up at me sheepishly. I just give him a what the hell look before turning back to the screen.

He doesn't jump quite so much during the rest of the movie, but the screaming from everywhere else continues. By the end he's almost completely huddled up against my side.

The credits start rolling and people start leaving while I watch the credits. I love the credits. You find the weirdest names in there sometimes. I once saw a movie where this guy's last name was Titcomb. How much shit do you think that guy got growing up?

As I start pointing out names, Ichigo starts laughing his ass off. The cleaners are looking at us funny but at this point, I can't bring myself to care.

One thing I've learned about staying during the credits, not only do you get weird ass names, you're pretty much the first one to find out if there's extra video at the end. Which seems to surprise Ichigo.

He looks at me, "How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That there was more at the end?"

I just laugh at him. "I didn't." He stares at me. "I just like the credits."

He chuckles at that and gets up to leave as I follow behind him. It's already dark when we get outside, and although it's not late, we end up heading back. He grabs my hand somewhere along the way, smiling to himself. I don't mind, I just leave him to his thoughts.

Somewhere along the way he rests his head on my shoulder and whispers, "Thank you". I just chuckle and grip his hand a little tighter. He squeezes back.

About halfway back to the flat we run into the last person I'd expect to see. Cirruci. Last I checked she was back with the circus. What the hell was she doing wandering around? Not that I care...it just...caught me off guard.

What surprised me even more was the surprised look on her face when she saw the two of us together. Everybody knew we were together by now, why was she so surprised? Was this back to the whole scary stalker thing?

Her face suddenly contorted into about ten different expressions all at once. Surprise, oh shit, nervous, sad, angry, pissed off (yes there's a difference). They just kept going and going. It was actually kinda cool to watch.

She finally seemed to decide on one (of course knowing my luck it was the worst one), pms mixed with pissed off. Almost the same thing. Add the two together you get the worst thing in the world. Fortunately she just stomps her feet and keeps walking. All I can do is stare at the spot she was standing in not two seconds ago. What the hell was that?

Ichigo looks about as confused as I feel, but I just shrug it off and keep going. It's not like I can do anything about it now anyways.

As we get back to the flat, Ichigo still looks confused as hell, but he doesn't say anything. I think we're both mentally preparing ourselves for the hell we'll unleash the minute we open the door. There will be no mercy among his friends. I'm not too sure about Zan, but it doesn't hurt to hope...right?

I sigh once before unlocking the door and shoving it open. Might as well just get it overwith right?

Hell, I don't even get a chance to close the door before we're both dragged inside and shoved onto a couch and there are suddenly too many questions at once. Fuck, I can't even tell what some of them are saying, they're all talking over one another. I think I'm starting to get a headache...damn. These people really are bad for my health.

And you know, it wasn't all that bad until Zan joined in. He could be subtle when he wanted to. Now was just not one of those times. He immediately starts in with, "Did you make out in the back?"

Everybody goes quiet and Ichigo and I just stare at him. Ichigo turns bright red and I just don't even know what to say anymore. He gives me this expectant look and all I can do is roll my eyes at him before shaking my head.

He humms noncommittally before everybody else starts back in. Just once, can't we come back without having to go through this? Once is all I ask. Even Ichigo looks like he's having a hard time with this. And by the end of it, all they've gotten is that we went to a movie. Serves them right.

The minute the crowd begins to disperse and go back to what they were doing, the both of us begin to relax. I glance over at him and he looks so worn out that for all I know, he just survived a stampede. Which is odd because I don't think we have any animals around here that would herd and try to kill people...I should look into that.

But the thought that he looks that bad from talking to his friends has me trying not to laugh. Man, the only person that's ever done that to me was...Harribel actually. Her and her damn stick. Speaking of which...I still have to go back and visit. No doubt I'll have to take Ichigo as well. Nel probably told everybody within a five mile radius about this.

Maybe I'll go next weekend.

At some point they managed to drag Ichigo into a game of Dirty Minds. You have no idea how funny it is to watch him try and play this game. You'd think that growing up in a clinic would have him used to stuff like this. Guess not. Every clue turns him bright red. It can't be good to have all the blood rushing to your face...

The surprising thing is, he ends up winning. Everybody stares at him in surprise.

His immediate response is, "What?"

I can't help but laugh at that. He looks at me confused and slightly embarrassed. All I can ask is, "Are you sure you're an eighteen year-old guy?"

He gets in a good punch as he scowls at me and crosses his arms. It doesn't stop the laughter. I mean, come on. By the time we hit twelve all we have on our minds is sex. Well, normal guys. Don't get me wrong, my hand and my dick have gotten well acquainted (no, I haven't named my dick. That's weird. I don't need to be talking to parts of my body), I've just...for some reason it's not the thought that pops into my head every two seconds.

I don't feel the need to go around fucking everything that moves.

I can't seem to stop laughing now, and it earns me a kick to the shin. My laughter starts dying down, and Ichigo looks like he could crawl under a rock and die even though he's scowling. I can't help but snicker and pull him into my lap. "I'm sorry."

He tries to pull away at first, but soon gives up and just mumbles to himself. I smirk and rest my head on his shoulder. Immediately the catcalls start up and Ichigo tries to hide his face behind my arm, but thankfully he doesn't pull away.

I don't know why, but I always seem to need some physical hold on him. It seems odd to me, but as far as I can tell he doesn't mind. I've just learned to accept the freak parts of me...I've learned to accept myself.

Conversation picks up once again and Ichigo starts to relax. They couldn't get him into another game of Dirty Minds, but they did convince him to join the ongoing Tekken war. I laughed when one of the guy characters tackled the female character to the ground. He didn't even get up right after, he just kinda sat on top of her. My first thought was rape. I don't have a clean mind.

It was also hella weird when robochick's head popped off. And her arms turned to chainsaws. You know what? She's just weird. Let's leave it at that.

Ichigo ended up winning most of those battles, so everybody fought over which team he would be on next time. He kept trying to back out of it, but again, his group shows no mercy. Not even to one of their own. Note to self, don't ever piss of any of his group. I doubt it'd end well.

After that they ended up putting on some movie. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Funny as hell. Robert Downey Jr and Val Kilmer.

"Look up the definition of the word idiot in the dictionary, know what you'll find?"

"A...picture of me?"

"No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!"

Everyone in the room busts up laughing. Someone asks me where I found this movie and I shrug. I don't even remember anymore. All I know is it's one of the best movies ever made. They apparently think so too.

We spend the next few hours turning on random movies and television shows. By about midnight people start passing out, Boobzilla being the first to go. I waited until the end of whatever we were watching until I get up to head for my room.

Ichigo doesn't budge, and as I look down, I find he's passed out too. I briefly consider picking him up and taking him with me, but that might be kinda weird. So instead I try to get up without waking him.

Fail.

He blinks, only half awake, and looks around. Looking up at me he looks slightly confused. I just motion towards the bedroom and he slowly gets up before stumbling down the hallway with me. I don't know why he insists on sleeping with me...Ok, that came out wrong.

The minute I open my door, I start stripping and crawl in under the covers. Ichigo follows soon after. I was about ready to close my eyes when he surprises me once again. He leans in and kisses me. He whispers, "Thank you," against my lips and just lingers there for a minute.

I swear to god I made a stupid face. I know I did. I always pull a stupid face at a moment like this. I swear, it's like, my job. Something going right in your life? Let's fix that.

He chuckles before settling back down onto the mattress, leaving me staring at the ceiling. Ok, not that I'm complaining, but what has gotten into him lately? You know what? Never mind. If I think about it too much, it'll end up being all I think about.

* * *

Why is it that everything seems to wake me up? It starts raining outside and my body just goes, unusual sound! Wake up! Fuck you too.

Glancing over at the clock, it's really not as early as I thought. It's almost ten. Damn. Ichigo mumbles beside me and turns over before blinking awake. He glances at the clock and tries to glance out the window, but the blinds are blocking it. "Raining?" he asks blearily.

"Yeah."

He huddles closer to me before replying, "I never understood how it could rain in the summer."

I shrug. "We're on an island. Fuck if I know."

He chuckles. "I dunno about you, but I'm hungry."

"I dunno about you, but I'm not moving."

He rolls his eyes and tries not to laugh before getting up and heading to the kitchen. I smirk at his back. He returns a few minutes later with a couple plates full of food. Mmm...food.

We end up talking and eating over the next...half hour? I don't know. Either way it was nice.

I hug him close to me after we finish. Why is he always so freaking warm? "You're my prisoner for the day."

He gives me a questioning look while trying not to smile. Linking our fingers together he asks, "What makes you think that?"

"Hey, I don't hear you complaining."

He chuckles. "I'm not."

"Good."

Whatever comment he was about to make was suddenly cut off by the sound of his phone. He sighs and lets go of me in order to reach for the damn thing. Leaning up on one elbow, I lean over to try and see what's up. He shows me the screen.

_Ichigo! We're going out for a rain battle!_

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say Boobzilla. I snatch the phone up from his hands and reply, _No he's not. He's being held hostage. Go find someone else._

He laughs at that, only to turn bright red when we recieve a text back from her. _Ooooh, is he your prisoner of looove? __~waggles eyebrows~_

I burst out laughing and Ichigo steals the phone back and replies. He smacks me when I don't stop laughing.

The last text we recieve is _Well either way it's cute...can I come watch?_

Man, Boobzilla is relentless. His reply is no fucking way. Thank god. How weird would it be to have somebody watching...not that we're doing anything. But either way it's just...weird.

After that we don't get anything else from her, but Ichigo is still scowling. So I poke him in the forehead. Surprise and confusion make themselves evident on his face as he stares at me. "I thought I told you, you shouldn't do that. It ruins your pretty face."

He blushes and tries to look away. I manage to kiss him instead. "What do you have against being called pretty?"

He sticks his tongue out at me. "I'm a guy. Guys aren't pretty."

I snort at that. "After that game of Dirty Minds last night, I'm not so sure."

The scowl once again appears and he smacks me. Again. So worth it.

Most of the day is spent there in bed (no not that way). We talk about anything and everything and end up reading at some point. What surprised me was when he asked me to read _to _him. He's not five so it was like, what the hell?

When I asked him about it his response was a quietly mumbled, "I like to hear you talk."

What do you say to that? Fuck if I know. I just shrugged it off and did what he asked. I figured it couldn't be as bad as me watching him sleep. At least this couldn't be misconstrued as creepy.

* * *

This chapter is shorter than the rest...I don't like it

Seme Code of Conduct

Give to charity

Volunteer

Be truthful

Always be dominant

Mibilize your subordinates

Do not tolerate mutiny

Control your uke at all times

Don't be too creepy

Be an active member in your community

That's what being an attacker's all about!

-courtesy of pharites

Ok, I have no idea what happened to Ichigo's point of view of this fic, but if you have questions or rants, send them to Redfaerie.

Redfaerie's comments:

Don't get me wrong, my hand and my dick have gotten well acquainted (no, I haven't named my dick. That's weird. I don't need to be talking to parts of my body), Me: PRINESS SOPHIA

I don't feel the need to go around fucking everything that moves. Me: I'm sure there are many birds/squirrels/ pedestrians, that appreciate that.


	11. Chapter 11

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

By the time noon rolls around, our so called day together has been utterly destroyed by none other than the bizarre concoction of a circus Ichigo calls friends. A surprise, this is not. However the fact that Zan is trying to save my kitchen from turning into Nagasaki is a little more than disturbing. I have a feeling I won't be eating much of anything for the next few days if this continues...

Well, it's not like I don't live next to more than enough food. Plus I think some of the stores and restaurants are starting to take pity on me. Thank god for that because it turns out we're ordering in tonight. Now all that's left is for everybody to argue for the next hour on what to get and who's paying. Cough me cough.

Amusing how they all think I'm just made of money, no?

Before any of them can even start dialing...whoever the hell they've decided to call though, my phone starts ringing and the Pineapple Zebra picks it up. There's a long silence on his end as he starts getting paler and paler. Only one person that could be.

Claiming the sudden need for a bathroom, he quickly hands the phone off to me as he rushes down the hallway and I can't seem to keep the smirk off my face. Oh if only he knew the true horror that was Harribel.

"That wasn't very nice you know," I tell her, putting the phone to my ear.

"I wasn't trying to be nice. I don't do nice to people I don't know near my little bunny." Groaning at the very old, very disconcerting nickname, I head off to the kitchen for a little quiet privacy. "Besides, he should learn some manners."

"They could all use some manners," I grumble to myself. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to have the cops bust them for trying to break in here after all.

"What was that?" The question came with an edge.

"Nothing. What's up."

There's a slight pause before she answers and I know she's thinking she might have to come down here and kill somebody. That could be fun. "You haven't visited this month."

Scratching the back of my head nervously I reply, "Yeah, sorry. Been a little...busy lately. I'll be heading out next weekend though. Got somebody for you to meet."

"So I've heard," I can just hear the sly smile.

"Of course you have. Nel couldn't keep her mouth shut if we super glued it closed. And you guys wondered why I never brought any of my exes around."

She sighed and I could just imagine her rolling her eyes at me. "Well, Stark misses you," she misses me. "And you still have quite a few congratulations to give out."

"I heard about that. Who's the lucky guy?"

"You bet your ass he's lucky. Not sure what she sees in him. Some guy named Ishida. Owns a clothing company for women but sews toys in his spare time. Real nerdy looking."

Long silence. "This is Tatsuki we're talking about right? Kinda ripped, more manly than half the dudes that come through the bar?"

"That's the one."

"So...she's the man in this relationship right? No way in hell a dude like that is the one giving the dick."

I can hear her shrug on the other end, "Probably. But I'm pretty sure any guy she gets with would be on the receiving end. With the exception of maybe a guy like Yammi."

"Nah, she'd still beat his ass into submission."

She chuckles at that. "Oh, by the way, Stark has something for you. Not sure what it is."

"So in other words be prepared. Alright. So next weekend then right?"

"If you say so, bunny."

I huff at her as we bid goodbye and hang up. Good god...if any of these people ever found out about that name...I'd never live it down. Fortunately Nel's gone. The only other person that knows is Zangetsu. If he remembers. Shit.

He gives me a knowing look as he walks back into the kitchen and I swear he can read my mind. "So Harribel's still giving her little bunny a hard time?" He mocks. All I can do is scowl at him and tell him to shut the fuck up. "Aw, come on. Don't be like that. It's cute."

"You were listening weren't you," I accuse, still glaring at him. He shrugs, that smug smile still in place. "You bastard."

He just laughs as he continues cleaning up the explosion of I don't want to know that the blondes have left behind. "It's such a shame. Here you've got nicknames for everyone else," crap. He remembers that. "and they've got none for you."

"How do you know Ichigo hasn't already come up with one?" I ask, brow quirked.

"Oh please," he rolls his eyes. " that boy is such a virgin he'd blush every time he even thought the name. And since he can't seem to stop staring at you, even though it's mostly at your ass, and I've yet to see him turn any shade of red or pink, I think it's safe to say you aren't that far in yet."

I just shake my head at him. Had Ichigo really been staring at my ass? Kinky. "Yeah, well I might as well go around calling you tampon man considering your thirst for blood is unquenchable when it comes to any kind of game." The minute that comes out of my mouth there's a sudden burst of laughter coming from the living room as Boobzilla repeats the name through her fits of laughter. I just smirk at him. "See? I think they've taken a liking to it."

Now it's his turn to scowl at me as the rest of the living room starts laughing. "Don't think you're safe now. Somebody's going to find out."

"Ok, comparison time. Bunny or Tampon Man. Which do you think is about to get more attention."

"Depends. Who do you think I'm telling," he smiles mischievously.

I just quirk a brow at that. When I don't receive an answer I know that's all I'm going to get out of him. And I know I'm fucked.

Slinking out of the kitchen with that in mind, Ichigo gets up off the couch to drag me over into the group. They've started another fighter tournament on the gaming system and Boobzilla is calling out for Tampon man as Ichigo settles into my lap on the couch, controller in hand.

He glances up at me curiously at the nickname and I quickly explain it to him. By the time Zan comes back out of the kitchen he's shaking in my lap, trying to hide his laughter behind his hand.

Pineapple Zebra catches my attention soon after, trying in vain to get me to play with them because they all so badly wanted to see what I could do. After rejecting the offer several times I turn back to find Ichigo staring at me with a small blush on his face and Zangetsu sitting on the floor next to us.

That sly bastard. He knows I don't multitask well.

I just scowl at him as Ichigo turns back to the screen, blush never fading.

Zan and Ichi end up with the highest scores and Boobzilla can't seem to stop calling him Tampon Man now. I think he's starting to come around to the name though.

Several hours pass this way and slowly people start shoving off, most of them complaining about the hours of homework they still have left to do. Thankfully all I have left is that stupid art project. But as Ichigo, Zangetsu and I all head off to bed, there's only one thing I can think about.

The minute the door closes behind us he looks at me and asks, "Bunny?"

I scowl at him and he looks ready to laugh. "It's not funny."

"No, no," he says, trying not to giggle. "I think it's kinda cute. But where exactly did it come from?"

"You can ask Harribel next weekend," I grumble, striping down to my boxers. He just gives me a blank look. "I'm going to visit the bar next weekend. The idea was to invite you along." He looks somewhat surprised but nods. "Nel will be there if it makes you feel any better."

"Not really, but at least it'll be a familiar face in an unusual place."

"Unusual. Yeah, that's the word I'd use."

He gives me a funny look as we lay down under the covers and begin to drift off.

* * *

The week passes by fairly quickly once the projects are turned in. Mine ends up being a sketch of Ichigo battle ready. Somehow it just seems more class appropriate than anything else I've been coming up with lately. And oddly enough I haven't seen Cirruci around lately, unless it's to pass by her in class. I'm not complaining, it's just odd. After three years of stalker behavior it's strange to just have her suddenly gone.

Ichigo's dad tries to set up another double date for us over the weekend, and fortunately we'll be busy and out of town. Relief all around.

Getting ready to head out was a whole other problem though. I managed to throw a couple days worth of clothes in a bag plus a toothbrush and whatever else I'd need. Ichigo ends up spending an hour agonizing over what clothes he should bring and if he'd need something to sleep in. We're going to a bar not a five star anything.

When he finally decides and he's all ready to go, we shove it all in the trunk of my car and head off. It's not too far away. Only about forty-five minutes to an hour, and Ichigo was more than enough entertainment for the both of us the way he sang and attempted to dance to the music that would come over the radio.

By the time we get there it's all got him amped up and excited. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I could get him to calm down later...

That thought alone was enough to give me a boner and I had shift something into my waistband before getting out of the car.

Ichigo's waiting somewhat impatiently by the trunk of the car and practically skips to the front door. I manage to pull him down a little side alley before he makes it into the bar. He looks at me questioningly as I lead him to the back door and unlock it.

It's a short little hallway in the back with a couple small bedrooms for some of the workers to stay. I find the one with Harribel and Stark's name scrawled on a piece of tape and kick it open, tossing my bag onto the floor. Ichigo gently sets his down as he looks around. I don't think he quite knows what to think about a bar with hookers. Zan was right. Talk about a virgin.

There's suddenly a very happy...noise coming from behind us where Chizuru stands clapping his hands in excitement before charging at me. Fortunately there are no huge tits to crush me. "Shiro-chan! We've missed you!"

"I bet you have, can I have my limbs back?"

She laughs. "Of course! I'll go let everyone know you're here!" she says happily, running of down the hall and screaming into the bar that everyone's favorite bunny is home.

I just grumble and rub my head in frustration. This is going to be a long weekend.

The first to come back and greet us is Harribel. Of course. She gives me the usual pat on the shoulder and welcome home before looking to Ichigo. "I'm going to assume this is the one you want us all to meet? I'm Harribel," she says warmly (creepy), reaching her hand out to greet him.

"Ichigo," he replies nervously.

"So you're the one that's got Nel all worked up," she laughs. "She hasn't shut up about you since she got back. And it seems she wasn't lying when she said my little bunny doesn't look have as miserable as he usually does with you around."

He slightly perks up at that and looks to me, but all I can do is glare at her.

"Relax," she slaps my back. "It's all bound to come out sooner or later. Besides, you have congratulations to be giving out right about now."

Grumbling, the three of us make our way out to the front where everybody's eagerly waiting to meet the boyfriend Nel just couldn't shut up about. Ichigo's quickly surrounded by the majority of them as introductions are made and questions are answered. I on the other hand manage to find Tatsuki and a stick with glasses.

Pulling her into a choke hold, I give her a noogie as she halfheartedly fights me off. She smiles when I release her and hugs me. "So I hear congratulations are in order."

"That's right you punk. You better be nice because I'm getting married and you're going to be my maid of honor. So if you don't want to end up in a dress..." she trails off mischievously.

I wrinkle my nose before giving her the limp wrist and replying in my best gay voice, "Bitch please, I make everything look fabulous."

He bursts out laughing at that. We both know I'd look terrible in anything feminine. Now Ichigo on the other hand...that might be something worth seeing. And taking off. And I'm going to stop there before I get another boner.

Speaking of which, somehow he managed to make his way over to us and both she and who I'm assuming is her husband to be look surprised. Most people do. Hell, we did. "Tatsuki, this is Ichigo. Ichigo, Tatsuki."

They both greet each other with smiles and Tatsuki introduces her significant other. The gay stick. Details for the wedding are explained as she gives us both an invitation and Ichigo falls over laughing at the thought of me in a dress. I'd say it's a more horrifying image, but whatever floats his boat I guess.

The bar gets closed down early that night and alcohol is passed around to everybody in celebration for just about everything. Tatsuki's wedding, Stark's promotion, me hopefully getting laid. That last one had Ichigo blushing so hard I thought I'd nicknamed the wrong person Tampon man for a moment.

Harribel ends up breaking out the stick halfway through and Ichigo finally got a glimpse of the true horror that she could be. He took a true liking to Stark though, and I think the lazy bartender felt the same because they ended up talking most of the night.

People didn't start dispersing off home or to their rooms until about two or three in the morning, but Ichigo was quite surprised to find that Harribel and Stark were offering up their room to us. It looked like he felt pretty bad about it, but I'm pretty sure he didn't want to see what went on behind closed doors.

He didn't feel bad for long considering he was tipsy. He refused anything past that, not really into the idea of getting shit faced. And as the two of us got ready to call it a night, I suddenly find myself flat on my back, Ichigo smiling happily on top of me.

Quirking a brow, he just chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. And not one of those shy little pecks he usually gives me, I mean a real fucking kiss. Good god is it amazing too. Smiling to himself he kisses me deeper as he wiggles around on my lap a little, smiling wider when a not so little problem arises.

As his hands start fiddling with the button on my pants, I force myself to stop everything. He looks disappointed but...for some strange reason I need to be sure. He might not be drunk, but tipsy's not exactly good either. With his hands restricted he just grinds against me and suddenly I'm pretty damn sure.

Hands released, the smile makes it's way back to his face as he nips at my lips and opens up my pants. I kiss him hard as he reaches a hand in and slowly starts to stroke me. It's been just me and my hand for quite some time now.

Eagerly he starts pulling my pants off, making quick work of my boxers after. He bites his lip nervously once he gets the full view, but it doesn't stop him as he starts stroking again. I'm quickly slapped away as I reach for his pants to return the favor and all I can do is give him a questioning look. He just gives me a mischievous look before taking his first taste.

I let out a sigh at the feeling and he looks contented with the response as he swirls his tongue around the tip before sucking it in. Gripping the sheets, I have to force myself not to thrust my hips as I let my head drop back onto the bed. He slowly starts getting used to using his tongue and taking more and more in.

Letting out a silent moan I manage to look back at what he's doing and I have to admit, I don't think I've seen anything hotter. The way his lips wrap around my dick and the satisfied look on his face at what he's doing to me. He brings one hand up to cover what his mouth can't and the other to play a little lower.

When he gives a sudden twist of his hand I can't help but gasp at how good it feels. He seems to catch on as he does it again and again, making the same motion with his mouth as he sucks and licks at my cock. Jesus Christ he's good for a virgin.

All too soon I'm being pushed over the edge, my body shaking and my hands coming up to hold him there as everything just spills out. He slowly lifts his head up as I let him go, the feeling intense on my oversensitive penis. He looks more than satisfied at himself as he swallows it.

I flop back down on the bed, brain fried from my first real orgasm in ages. He finds a tissue and cleans up before laying down next to me, pulling the covers over us. I manage to wrap my arm around his shoulder and ask, "What about you?"

He just shakes his head as we lay there silently.

The last thing I think before we drift off is, oh you're definitely getting repaid for that one my little strawberry.

* * *

Sorry it's been so long. I got a life. Been doin the new bf in the butt. Sorry this is short. There'll probably be a new one in the next couple days to go with this.


	12. Chapter 12

Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

* * *

The pounding on the door startles Ichigo awake next to me as I grumble, pull him closer and bury my face in his side. Somebody starts yelling through the door that we need to get up and eat, but food can eat a dick at this point. I'm tired and comfortable and snuggling a very hot man. A very hot man currently shifting uncomfortably.

Oh yeah. I'm naked.

With a small smirk on my lips, I pull him back down onto the bed so I can spoon him from behind. If only he didn't have those damn boxers on. A nuisance easily remedied.

There's a small squeak that comes from him when he realizes what's happening and he quickly tries to pull them back up, only to lose the tug of war battle. A little more awake now, I cant help but grin wider as I toss them off to some distant corner of the room.

Kissing the back of his neck I slowly start tracing abstract lines up the inside of his thigh, enjoying the light shudder I get in return. "Shiro..." he manages to get out as I get closer to what I really want. "We shouldn't..."

"They'll live for ten minutes."

"That's not what I-" he's cut off by a sudden gasp as I finally grab hold of his morning...problem. "Meant," he manages to finish, one hand laced with the one I have wrapped around his chest while the other tightly grips my wrist as if to stop me.

"Then what did you mean," I tease as he leans his head back against my shoulder, his breathing a little shorter.

"I..." he struggles to focus, a slight blush adorning his features. "It's embarrassing..."

"Because having my dick in your mouth wasn't?" I ask teasingly, trailing light kisses down the side of his neck before finding a nice place to mark. He tries several times to reply, face turned away in either embarrassment or easy access. So I decide to help him out. "Did you like it?"

His blush deepens and he bites his lip. I start stroking faster before continuing, "You looked like you did. Do you like thinking about it Ichi?" His breathing speeds up with each stroke as I trail my free hand down his hot body to play with the orange curls. "How long have you been thinking about it, hm? Going down on me. Having your lips wrapped around my dick and making me cum."

The imagery seems to be helping him along nicely, his breath hitching as I turn to nibble at his ears. Picking up the pace, I twist my hand in the same motion he had last night and he starts thrusting into my hand as the other finally finds his balls.

Deciding to see if he has any of the same...spots as I do, I let a couple fingers dance along the crease between his thigh and groin, grinning triumphantly as he gasps, "Oh god...Shiro..." and arches into the touch.

It's a strange sort of feeling, having someone touch there, I know. Especially the first time. It's not a bad one, mind you. Just...odd. It feels good while at the same time feeling ticklish. Which you'd think would be kind of a turn off. Clearly neither of us were wired to think so.

And he so obviously enjoys it I can't seem to deny him. He reaches up to touch my face as he turns his to bring me into another of his deliciously sweet and needy kisses. Don't get me wrong, I like his cute little pecks too. But nothing compares to the way it feels to have his full lips pressed against mine, the way his inexperienced tongue twines with mine and the way he quietly moans into my mouth.

Jesus Christ there's no way in hell I'm getting out of this without a boner of my own.

Feeling him grip my wrist harder and the way his balls are starting to tighten I can tell he's close. "You'll have to let me have a taste of you next time," I whisper, watching as his body begins to shake in anticipation. "Think about all the ways I could get you off like that."

That sends him over the edge as he shudders in my arms before going limp. I gently kiss his neck before cleaning him up. It takes him a couple minutes to regain the ability to stand and I can't help but snicker as I pull a pair of boxers on. He scowls at me as I wrap my arms around him and kiss the tip of is nose.

He playfully slaps at me before picking up his own pair of boxers and putting them on. I smack his ass in reply. A small squeak is my response as he scowls at me with that adorable little blush.

I just pull on a pair of pants before making my way to the bathroom and then the front of the bar. Ichigo follows soon after, fully dressed to my disappointment. Fortunately he doesn't seem quite so disappointed by what he sees and that blush returns at all the catcalls we're suddenly getting. Szayel brings up something or other about his extensive...toy collection and it's all I can do to only flip him off. I've seen that collection. Those things are not toys. They look like something that might tear you a new one if you aren't careful.

Ichigo looks confused but I don't particularly care to explain.

"But I've been experimenting!" he claps cheerfully.

"No! The last time you handed me an experimental anything I was regrowing hair in uncomfortable places _and _I've got a scar! On my ass!" Ichigo snickers beside me at that as Szayel tries to defend himself. "It's not funny," I grumble.

"Of course not," he mocks. "That poor cute butt of yours."

"Hey, you're the one staring," I shrug. "So if my ass is fucked up you gotta live with it."

"I think I can do that," he chuckles.

"I know I can," I smirk, smacking his butt again. His blush starts up again with all the catcalls. He finally pulls up a seat as Stark starts handing out breakfast. And ibuprofen to those who need it. Nobody else is allowed anywhere near the kitchen but the cooks. We'd all end up dead otherwise. Like having Boobzilla and Ditzy cook. They might even lose the bar in the process...

Somebody would not make it out alive. And I have a strong feeling it would mean two less breasticles in the world.

As everybody finishes up Ichigo's given a tour around the place and I get stuck helping with the clean up. Not that I mind so much. I usually end up working while I'm here anyways. How do you think I make any money?

Harribel sends some off to stock the fridge and shelves for the night while the others are volunteered for clean up duty out on the floor. Ichigo, of course, is a guest and will be given no such part in such a tiring, brutal task. And only Harrible could make it so. He's more than amused when she tries to make me put on the spare apron she's got lying around. I may be a maid, but there's no way in hell I'm dressing the part. I'd ruin the fantasy for everyone who's ever liked maids forever. Send them to psych wards. Psychs are about to make a lot more money.

When everything's set for the night, we can finally relax before really getting to work. Hopefully Ichigo won't get too bored sitting around for the night. He'll have access to all the alcohol he could ever want, but not too many people will be around to entertain him. Guess that means I'm going to have to make it up to him.

I'm given my uniform about fifteen minutes to opening as Stark clears up Ichigo's confusion. When I come back out in my black button up shirt and slacks I swear he just about passed out. Maybe I really do make everything look fabulous.

Nah. Monkey in a suit. Or psych ward worthy mental scars.

The music starts up and everybody takes their place as the doors open. Tables, dance floor, and bar all quickly filling up as hookers and waiters alike all set out to do our parts.

As usual business only gets busier as the night progresses and I manage to make as many passes at Ichigo as possible, but duty calls. And I'd like to keep my place and be able to eat for the next month or so.

A couple people try to make a pass at me through the night, but Harribel's commenting quickly turns them away. Never have I been so glad to have a terrifying hooker come to my rescue.

Ichigo heads off to the back about one or two and I don't make it off until about five or six. By that time he's already fast asleep and I'm pretty much dead on my feet. Stripping out of my sweaty work clothes I manage to take a quick shower before sliding in behind Ichigo and pulling him closer as I quickly pass out.

I'm half woken up a few hours later by Ichigo trying to shift out of my grip and off the bed. Refusing to let go of my warm, sexy pillow I just hug him closer before he tells me he needs to piss and I let him go. He comes back soon after and lets me wrap around him as I fall back asleep.

Again there's loud banging at the door and yelling to get up. Only this time the space next to me is empty and cold. Frowning, I rub the sleep from my eyes and find Ichigo's not even in the room. Must have gotten up a while ago.

This morning's routine is much the same as yesterday's but Harribel tells me my shift isn't going to run all night this time. That was rare. Not that I'm complaining. That means I actually get some time with my sexy little boyfriend tonight.

Speaking of which, Ichigo seems to light up at the news. Guess he missed me last night. I know I wasn't particularly fond of not getting any alone time with him. Apart from our early morning adventure I mean.

Eagerly awaiting the return of my uniform, Ichigo's practically bouncing in his seat as he waits for me to go off and change. Jesus. If he likes it that much he can have the damn shirt. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing him in it. And by that I mean doing him in it.

Once Harribel gets everyone working again and the bar opens up for another late night, I manage to steal a perfectly good kiss before heading off to serve the horny men and women too prideful to just sit in the shower and jack off for a night.

Yammi's the one to inform me my shift is over, which just never seemed to be soon enough as I brought order after order to drunk after drunk.

Tossing my things behind the counter of the bar I quickly grab Ichigo and make for the back rooms, kissing the ever loving hell out of him as I kick the door closed. He seems a little shocked at first but is very eager to reply in kind.

"You know you make that uniform look hot," he says when he finally manages to break away.

"You sure it's not the uniform making me look hot?" I tease. He chuckles and shakes his head. "I'd much rather see you in it."

He blushes at that and starts playing with one of the buttons.

"Aw, you don't want to wear it?" I asked, feigning hurt.

He rolls his eyes at me and says, "I much rather like the way it looks on you," as he runs his hands down the front of my chest. I must admit, it feels nice to have him touch me that way. As he runs his hands back up he pauses at the top button and hesitates.

Instinctively I place a chaste kiss on his lips and ask him what's wrong, only to be met with a bright red blush. I can't help but smirk and reply, "Somebody's thinking dirty thoughts," in a singsong voice as his blush deepens. "Oh, you are. Seems like I'm not the only pervert in the relationship," I chuckle.

He scowls at me before slowly starting to undo the buttons, touching everything he can along the way. I reach behind me and lock the door, leading us both to the bed as I kiss him hungrily. God he makes me horny. And I don't think I'm the only one seeing as suddenly my clothes are disappearing faster. Which only prompts me to return the favor.

Ichigo moans at the feeling of skin against skin as I trail kisses down to his chest, stopping at some very good looking nipples. Those aren't getting out of this scot-free. He gasps at the feeling, digging his fingers into my hair as one hand continues and my mouth heads south again.

Coming to the hem of his boxers I can hear his breath hitch as I toy with him through the fabric. I chuckle as I pull them down and kiss at his hip. "What do you want me to do, Ichi?"

He sits up on his elbows looking down at me, eyes half-lidded as he bucks his hips. I just quirk a brow at him and continue what I was doing, kissing everywhere else. Whining in frustration he falls back on the bed, blush covering his face as he hides away in the crook of his arm. "Want you to suck me," he says quietly. I almost didn't catch it.

"Hm? What was that?" I tease as I slowly start stroking him. He gasps and raises his hips to the touch.

When he manages to clear some thought he repeats it again, louder. I smirk and kiss the head of his dick and back off as he tries to get more. "Please," he begs.

"Please what, Ichigo?"

Frustrated, he gets fed up with the teasing and finally tells me, "Please, Shiro! I want you to suck me off!"

There's a twitching in my pants at that and I smirk before finally just taking as much as I can in. He gasps above me, bucking his hips and I manage to pull back enough so I don't choke. I don't care who you are, you get puke on you're dick it's just time to end the party forever.

He digs his fingers into my hair again as I start sucking, building up pressure and finding all of his sensitive spots. The obvious ones and the not so obvious ones. Ichigo seems to be having a little trouble breathing as I do so but he's not complaining so I'm not stopping.

Gripping the sheets he seems surprised by what I could do with my tongue. I can hear him moaning my name as I pick up the pace and make those twisting motions he seems to like so much. He's already starting to shake in anticipation and I can't help but feel proud that I'm doing this to him. Me. No one else.

It finally sends him over the edge when I touch that spot where his thigh and his hips meet, pulsing in my mouth as it all drains out of him. The somewhat familiar taste fills my mouth as I swallow it and pull off, smirking at Ichigo's prone form.

Kissing his forehead I throw on pants before quickly going off to wash my hands (don't particularly want them smelling like dick) and retrieve a soda. I learned pretty quickly that soda will kill the taste of anything in your mouth pretty fast. Not that it tastes bad. I just assume he doesn't want to be tasting his own jizz.

When I come back, soda can already half empty, Ichigo's managed to clean up and put his boxers back on. Other than that it looks like he'll be out of it for another little while and I can't help but smile knowing I could do that to him.

He motions for me to join him, which I do swiftly after setting down the soda. Curling up he kisses me before we wrap our arms around each other. "You're good at that," he mumbles into my shoulder, trying to hide his obvious blush.

I laugh at that. "You were pretty damn good yourself. Considering you're a virgin and all," I teased. I get a small chuckle at that as he huddles closer. Leaning behind me I pick up a pair of his boxers and hand them to him. He gives me a funny look and I tell him, "If you don't want them I won't complain."

He flushes bright red at that and snatches them up, quickly putting them on.

"You're really going to be embarrassed now?" I laugh. He smacks my arm in response. "I could always walk around naked if you prefer," I reply suggestively.

He looks up at me, his face deadpan, completely ruined by the fact that his blush still hasn't faded. Oh, he's thinking about it. Pretty hard too. Can't say he'd be complaining though. Especially after these past couple days. Not that nudity is even an option for me anymore with his friends always around.

Maybe I could get them to leave if I wander around naked long enough. Bet that'd make them uncomfortable. I hope Zan's girlfriend doesn't get the wrong idea when how was your day comes up. My ass has enough scars already without the added fury of a woman. And I'd rather keep my ass, considering that's all Ichigo seems to stare at.

Just as we're starting to drift off to sleep some drunkard comes down the hall yelling about how hookers are the work of the devil and they must cleanse themselves. Our room happens to be the only one with a closed door so where does he head?

Oh yeah.

He starts yelling and screaming for us to open the door so he can save our immortal souls. Interesting how he's drunk in a bar trying to cleanse people's souls isn't it? Never really did like radical religious people.

Unlocking the door I think the unhappy look on my face startles him because he backs up a little. When he glances inside to see Ichigo sitting up on the bed he starts going off about how homosexuality and incest is a sin. You know, because he can totally tell we're related to each other. Jesus told him so.

Or maybe it was the green fairy. Who gives a shit at this point.

"And Jesus said what about gays," is my only response.

"That they shall not lay-"

"No," I cut him off. "Quote him. Word for word. What did he say about gays."

He sits there flapping his mouth like a fish out of water and I know I have him on that front. Which is when he decides to take his backup route and start talking about incest. How Jesus said blah blah blah about it.

Tired of his bullshit I tell him, "We're not related," before knocking him out and dragging him back into the actual bar. Dgaf that I'm only in my underwear at this point. Harribel sighs and sets him off into one of the far corners where Yammi could keep an eye on him.

Half the room is starting at me by this point, others giving me or their partners dirty looks. A couple of them try to get me to dance, but they're easily ignored and blown off in favor of finding something to drink from behind the counter. I find a half empty bottle of what looks like vodka and head back to Ichigo, downing some of it along the way.

I think someone felt me up but I don't care enough as I push the door open and relock it, offering Ichigo the bottle. He shakes his head and I shrug as I continue to down more of it before laying down next to him. We'll have to head back to the other world of chaos tomorrow so I'm going to enjoy this as long as I possibly can.

* * *

Ok, so RedFaerie has dropped the rewrite in Ichigo's pov. If any of you have any interest in taking it and running with it, let me know and I can help out as much as possible.


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